Friends son's behavior.

malinijamaica · Jul 14, 2013

I have a Sudanese friend who was married at the age of 17. Today her son is 8 yrs old & she has a daughter 1 yr old.this friend has lots of indian friends, love our food, parties/ festivals & participate in all our community activities. Her husband is in a very high position with govt. she too works 4 days a week for almost 12 hrs per day. She hardly looks into her boys activities & needs. He is taken care of by a in house maid. He share's his room with his maid.
Recently at her daughters b'day, her son was playing with some kids. In b/w he took them to his Room.Another indian friend whose 11/2 yr son was going to this boys room behind him, followed her son to his room. There she saw this boy without pant. When asked, he said his pant was tight. She insisted that he put his pant up right then, which confirmed that it wasn't tight fitting, it was the right fitting. She got panicked. She shared this with me. I have heard 2 more stories like this about him.
Now, my concern is how to bring it to the notice of his parents. This girl I for sure will not take it positively. She might think I am only complaining about him unnecessarily. Have been proved by some other incidents in the past that she thinks her boy is quite innocent, all the complaints are only to insult them & hence go unnoticed. Please suggest ways to put this forward to her, & make her realise to take necessary steps, probably to take him to a doctor. I strongly feel its the maids influences. I think when the parents are not at home, she watches channels on tv, with the boy around. I believe that's where he gets his influence from.i want to be polite & strongly want to help her. But, I do not know how to go about. Please suggest ways.

Dinny · Jul 14, 2013

Malini
I agree that this incident must be reported to the boy's mother.I would say instead of beating around the bush go ahead and tell it directly to her.
If she finds it hard to believe then tell her that this is not the first time such a thing has happened.And you can quote the other incidents too. And i am sure she already knows about those incidents.
Do try to tell her that the more she turns a blind eye to such incidents the more its going to effect her son in the future.

Mahajanpragati · Jul 15, 2013

i feel you need not interfer as you are not the one who saw the incident from your own eyes.
but just keep watch full eyes when all the kids are playing.tell them to play out doors always.

Rakhii · Jul 16, 2013

I actually didnt understand this properly. So this boy of 8 years had his pants down and some one aged 1.5 years saw this? Did I get it right?

malinijamaica · Jul 16, 2013

No dear. This 1 1/2 year Old Boys' mother saw it.

Rakhii · Jul 16, 2013

malinijamaica said: ↑

No dear. This 1 1/2 year Old Boys' mother saw it.
Click to expand...

Oh ok. now I get it. Actually, I will not let anyone know about this incident. To be honest, I think your friend should never have followed someone to their room without being asked. Also, even if the door was open, its always expected that we knock before we enter someone's room (in North America at least). So, your friend should not have entered an 8 year olds room without knocking and without being asked. Your friend probably caught the boy off gaurd. It possibly is an innocent gesture like he was trying to change his pants and didnt know what to tell when someone walked in unannounced.

Having said this, if she was invited and also knocked, then yes...by all means gently let the mom know.

malinijamaica · Jul 16, 2013

Makes sense, that when I have not seen it, I should not be talking about, since whatever I know is what I have heard. Can also be by chance it has happened!!! Have decided not to interfere.

Rihana · Jul 17, 2013

Good that you decided not to interfere.

When we enter a room and the person is not fully dressed, the right thing to do is make a hasty retreat while mumbling sorry. If the person is 8 years old, he might not even know that he should be fully dressed before letting anyone into his room. An 8 year old half-naked in his room, innocent enough.

malinijamaica · Jul 17, 2013

No , that was not the case. He was not alone, he had other 2 young boys in his room, whom he had taken them to the room along with him to play, that's when my friends young son also followed them, & hence my friend followed her son.

internet · Jul 17, 2013

malinijamaica said: ↑

No , that was not the case. He was not alone, he had other 2 young boys in his room, whom he had taken them to the room along with him to play, that's when my friends young son also followed them, & hence my friend followed her son.
Click to expand...

I don't think your friend's son is innocent. If he is alone in his room and your friend just opened the door without knocking, then may be he was changing. But they were also 2 other boys in his room and he was aware of this. I think you should inform 8 year old boy's mother about this incident and warn her about the maid's influence. Also, sharing his room with maid is weird. I don't think this has to do with race.