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Friend's Ema

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by desposhwetha, Nov 13, 2017.

  1. desposhwetha

    desposhwetha Gold IL'ite

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    Quite confused for the past two weeks. One of my close friends has told me that she is involved in an emotional EMA for some months now. A quick BG, she is married for 8 years now and has a 3 year old son. Her husband works in a software company and also handles his father’s grocery store. So, practically he spends very little time with the family. Although she is not working, she has enough financial independence. She meets her friends very often, parties with them and has quite a comfy life as she calls it. So why an EMA? The answer is she is longing for love, and wants a person to pamper her, flirt with her and give her the teen love to her. She and her husband have lost the spark and life is very monotonous with him is her argument.


    So basically she calls and chats with this guy soon after her husband leaves to office, and since he comes home pretty late usually, she meets him once or twice a week.

    “I told my husband that I have got pain in my hand, he didn’t bother. But this guy ordered a massager for me online. Don’t you think he is just madly in love with me?” She asks me. I am stunned in a way, because she is very clear about this. She doesn’t want to break her marriage, nor her EMA. I want it both, she tells me. And to my surprise she handles it quite well.


    She justifies that this is just an emotional EMA and she needs a person to be there for her. While I see from some movies and hear from some other friends about this monotony that creeps in after few years of marriage, is it right to have an emotional EMA? It is very common, she tells me. I am not sure about this whole “it is very common” thing. What do you ppl think? Who is at fault? Personally I don’t think her husband is matured and is taking life seriously while she is merely playing around. Why is that she is not independent in her emotions even at 32 and constantly demand validation and appreciation?


    Since two weeks am choked with this. I feel pathetic about her husband, but I don’t know what more to do than feel sad for him. Do you have some suggestions for me on how to approach this or should I just not care about it?
     
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Please let your friend know that EMA is not common amongst normal people with the right morals and ethics. I hope she understands that her teen love providing lover is also morally bankrupt and quite possibly playing around. This is a good time to tell her about STD’s ( not the long distance calling plans ) .
    There is no justification for EMA, just end the marriage if one is not happy.
    Be a good friend and tell her what you think.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Let your friend know she has a good life because her husband works two jobs.
    Also this good life will come to an end the day this only emotional ema is found out.

    Ask her to get a life and may be look for a job.
    Tell her to go for couples counselling .
    Plan a vacation.

    If she wants to take the easier way out and have two guys take care of her comforts and other needs ,then she should be ready to lose both someday.
     
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  4. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Your friend seems to be misinformed that EMA's are common and morally/ethically acceptable. There is not much you can do to change her mind, because it seems like balancing her marriage and EMA gives her satisfaction whereas a divorce would not. A divorce would affect her social standing, financial standing, and quality of life. You can try, as a friend, to think about her husband and how he would feel. If she doesn't care, you can't do much about it - unless you want to tell her husband about the cheating, and let him deal with it as fit.
     
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  5. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Guess you should probably consider her husband lucky that it is just an emotional affair n not a physical one.

    That aside, I personally don't completely agree with "it's a common thing". Get a hobby or a job or study if you are that bored in life.

    But her emotional need should be validated from her husband. Will a husband be satisfied if a wife gives only money in a marriage ? No. It's supposed to be a balance. What will she do only with money in an empty house or with no partner ?

    But obviously ema is not a solution for an absentee spouse everytime, she should try fixing it with her husband n maybe join him everyday to his grocery store to spend more time with him n also keep herself busy.

    Everyone craves for some care, love n attention. So she's happy with whoever is giving it. Yes I have witnessed this n a lot worse too. When it comes to people's lives, we can't judge their rights or wrongs, it's just their choices.

    N many will never jeapordize their marriage, breaking family, financial stability n social standing for these affairs. These are supposedly just a cheap thrill, excitement n a distraction. They just try to find someone to fill the void they feel. Lack of sex in a marriage makes them look for sexual affairs n lack of love n care makes them look for emotional affairs.

    Everyone's lives are different, so don't buy the 'common' thing. When things aren't going right, some work very hard to get it right, some finds shortcuts. I always feel like these kinda ema are such short cuts or maybe even revenge, and its short lived too btw. She may get bored of this guy n may move on to another one.

    As a friend, you can try to talk some sense into her about getting caught n losing everything, but if she's not ready to listen, just ask her to not talk to you about this anymore. Every wife n husband's relationships are unique, even if you tell, he may start a fight n then forgive n they may continue their life. But you will become the bad guy n lose a friend forever, she's not cheating on you, so don't get mixed up in the middle of this.
     
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  6. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Ema is not common for basically to the ppl appreciating ur partner n respecting the partner ..
    Let her know she is not teen n a grown women for god sake ..as sandycandy said now is time u tell her abt std..
    if she want to have fun ok go have no one can stop her but not on her husband money go earn n spend ...
     
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  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    She is selfish woman.
    The emotional ema may change to physical anytime.
    Not all men know to shower love.
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    She meets him and he gave her a massager. That is a potent combination :rolleyes:
     
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  10. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    I think this particular boyfriend of her may be dreaming about physical affair. It is possible any time- emotional ema can turn physical. Now a days one cannot believe any, may be that man can blackmail her and use her according to his wish. She is projecting her as 'damsel in distress' for short lived fun.

    She is using all resources her husband provide and enjoys with the other man. Cheating is totally unacceptable. I am sure her view will change once her husband came to know about it. All you can do is just tell her that it is not right and warn her about the disgrace or the events that can happen if her husband came to know about it. She may lose everything. You can ask her what she will do if her husband has similar EMA with another woman. That is all you can do as a friend.

    Only she can decide what she wants to do, it is her life, let her face it.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2017

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