Friends Am Back With The Same Problem After 7 Years... Some Of You Might Know Me What I Had Gonethru

Because you allow people to treat u poorly. If she asked about profits u should be rude and say it’s none of ur Business it’s between me and my husband…why do u want to have my profits? Ur sister in law is jealous of u.
Ur mother in law u should have said no mothers help their sons start their business. Why should I sell my jewellery to benefit u? Do not give any money to him or his family. Why are u so weak. U sound depressed. Imagine how ur father would feel if he saw u. He would feel ashamed and tell u to leave him (ur husband).

 

He’s probably enjoying the attention ur giving him. Please stop all contact with him.

 

Block him or keep statuses about being so happy. Make him jealous.

 

Also screenshot any statuses and abusive messages he’s sent u


U can use in evidence in court

 

Consider it as a learning experience.
If you think you wasted 10 years, ask yourself, do you want to waste rest of your life with him and lead a miserable life.

You only know your situation, think about pluses and minuses of your decision ( whatever it may be) and decide. Your kid deserve a happy life free of any abuse.

You should read about ' codependency'. You think its love. If your husband dont love you, whats the use of your sacrifices. Better love people who deserve it.

If they defame you, collect evidence and file complaint ( @1Sandhya has given some tips). You have to define your boundary. Thats missing now. Thats why every one is walking over you and treating you like a doormat.

You have every right to enter your house and take your personal stuff, no one can stop you. Let him comeback and then define your conditions.
But you have to ask what do you want in this life- a life of dignity or misery. Only you can decide. Our suggestions are based your side of the story. I believe, no contact is the best option now to gain clarity. May be you should consider talking to a therapist / counsellor to empower yourself. Also learn how to talk, convey message using minimum sentences, in a cool and assertive way. Dont talk when you are too emotional. Search ' smart contact' in youtube. May get some ideas to teach you how to convey your thoughts in a better way.

 

This is called ‘sunk cost fallacy’.
I already put so much effort how can I leave now?
Suppose a farmer is watering, fertilizing and tending to his land and suddenly one year there’s a severe drought. No rain, lakes are dry, crops are dying. What will you advise the farmer to do? Stop or continue pouring his energy resources into growing the crop?
Suppose he tells you ‘No no how can I stop? I urgently need the money from the harvest this year! I already put so much effort in, tilled the land, took loan for the seeds and all so how can I stop now? Is all my effort wasted? What about my loans? I have to continue!’ What will you advise him?
Think about it.

Look Pavithra I understand you are in shock and grieving. You look at the title of your ownpost. After 7 years of effort you came back with same problem isn’t it? Somewhere deep down even 7 years back you knew in your heart this is not good, this marriage isn’t working. That time also you closed your eyes and put in double the work because ‘no no how can this be? I will put even more effort and somehow make it work!’ Isn’t it? Now look how much more horrible it’s become. Now he’s not even hesitating to defame you and all. If you continue god knows what further depths he will go to. This torture will stop only if you take the decision to make it stop. It’s all in your hands.

Look Pavithra, I‘m a big believer in marriage, in putting in the effort to make it work. Everyone has problems. But in three cases even I’m pessimistic- when the problem is due to gambling, addiction or loss of trust. In these cases I feel it is out of spouses’ hands alone to fix the problem. Loss of trust can be due to cheating or like in your case he breached your confidence by taking a private matter, twisted it and made it public defaming you so all are treating you like a prostitute. He has broken your trust. It’s a pretty big thing he’s done.

You are worried about your son and his need for a dad. But your son also has eyes in his head. I had a friend whose 17 year old son turned against her and to this day they don’t speak. I don’t know full details but the home life was miserable, full of fights and arguments. Her husband had a horrible temper. She decided to stay for the son’s sake. As a kid the son was very scared by the loud fights, worried about mom etc slowly it changed to anger. Teenage he became moody and withdrawn. Now he also blames her and says she’s a part of the problem. When she tries to explain she stayed with his dad just for his sake he screams in her face ‘I didn’t ask you to Mom! Stop blaming me!’ Like her husband he too blames her for everything big and small. She was broken hearted when he turned against her. He refuses to come home or visit them.

Just telling you this so you understand that staying in a bad marriage just for sake of kids can also have unintended negative consequences. Kids make their own decisions. They see all this and it affects them deeply. Ultimately you have to do what is right for you and stop worrying about others and their opinions. Somehow if you are restoring balance people will understand it’s right decision and leave you alone.

I realize you need time to grieve and digest what’s happening. So for a few months, don’t do anything one way or another. You seem resistant to leaving him, fine but definitely don’t beg him to reconcile or approach him, just get your things somehow find a place to stay and take care of your son. Slowly what you should do next will become clear.

 

But what has he done for you? Nothing…why waste time and your life on him? You could move on and create a beautiful world for you and your child. How could you trust a man who spoke so rudely about your past? Could you imagine sleeping with him again? You will create a lot of mental trauma for ur kids.

If they’re still taking dirty about you and talk dirty about them.they need a taste of their own medicine.