Friends Am Back With The Same Problem After 7 Years... Some Of You Might Know Me What I Had Gonethru

AppuMom · Aug 9, 2021

OP ,your's and your son's future is not in your husband's hands but its in your hands.You need to give yourself little more time to think clear.Right now your mind is so cluttered and you are not able to think clearly whats right and wrong.Keeping a loveless and abusive husband through payment will not bring you peace of mind.Rather you will end up as a slave who pays the master life long.Take control of your life.An abusive father and broken mom who lost self respect is not ideal for any child.Power to you.

Hopikrishnan · Aug 9, 2021

Pavithrarajsaai said: ↑

I am ready to do that but he has to respond to me which he is not doing.
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You have the money, he needs the money. WAIT, and don't hurry. He will come for it. Then you set the bargaining position. You are simply paying a subscription for a service. The service you seem to think is a necessary thing by writing this:

Pavithrarajsaai said: ↑

Losing my dad at this age only am feeling painful. Thinking of my son how will he manage it for life long.
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However.... you had known your father longer... and he had been kind to you. Therefore you miss him on his departure. Your child knows his father as a "different" kind of specimen, even in the short time. Wean off right away.

Watch @DDream youtube video on trauma bonding. Very useful, although Miss Ramani should have had her mike directed much better in the video.

Pavithrarajsaai · Aug 9, 2021

AppuMom said: ↑

OP ,your's and your son's future is not in your husband's hands but its in your hands.You need to give yourself little more time to think clear.Right now your mind is so cluttered and you are not able to think clearly whats right and wrong.Keeping a loveless and abusive husband through payment will not bring you peace of mind.Rather you will end up as a slave who pays the master life long.Take control of your life.An abusive father and broken mom who lost self respect is not ideal for any child.Power to you.
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Thank u mam. You are right..My mind is so clusttered. My dad's death..Husband problem, Mom's tension, character assassination by everyone. It makes me feel am the worst creature on the earth

Pavithrarajsaai · Aug 9, 2021

Hopikrishnan said: ↑

You have the money, he needs the money. WAIT, and don't hurry. He will come for it. Then you set the bargaining position. You are simply paying a subscription for a service. The service you seem to think is a necessary thing by writing this:
However.... you had known your father longer... and he had been kind to you. Therefore you miss him on his departure. Your child knows his father as a "different" kind of specimen, even in the short time. Wean off right away.

Watch @DDream youtube video on trauma bonding. Very useful, although Miss Ramani should have had her mike directed much better in the video.
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Thank u so much... Will definitely watch.

1Sandhya · Aug 9, 2021

Pavithrarajsaai said: ↑

While fighting with my mom he directly said you people have never told me what dad has left and how much he has invested. Mom was like why should you know about it. I haven't shared that with my husband not intentionally but I felt why will he ask about it.
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That’s it right there Pavithra. That’s why he’s behaving like this. Sorry to say but seems like while you were true and accept him wholeheartedly as husband he is calculating about money and his advantage.

Ok, forget about the affair business. Yes you made a big mistake telling him. Keep above in mind that he is money minded and seeking advantage only all the time and don’t give him unnecessary info. But no use repenting now. Just stop thinking about that and panicking. What you need to do is teach that sister a lesson.
The law is on your side. Just call up the local Nari raksha cell or whatever it’s called and talk to them about your rights, what your husband can and cannot do. A looot of things will become very clear to you and you will get lot of courage also.
Then just give a call directly to this sister and tell her you are going to file a dv case against her for defamation and against her brother for locking you out of your own house. If she don’t want case on her she better publicly apologize and inform all the relatives it was her mistake. Then watch the fun.

Pavithrarajsaai · Aug 9, 2021

1Sandhya said: ↑

That’s it right there Pavithra. That’s why he’s behaving like this. Sorry to say but seems like while you were true and accept him wholeheartedly as husband he is calculating about money and his advantage.

Ok, forget about the affair business. Yes you made a big mistake telling him. Keep above in mind that he is money minded and seeking advantage only all the time and don’t give him unnecessary info. But no use repenting now. Just stop thinking about that and panicking. What you need to do is teach that sister a lesson.
The law is on your side. Just call up the local Nari raksha cell or whatever it’s called and talk to them about your rights, what your husband can and cannot do. A looot of things will become very clear to you and you will get lot of courage also.
Then just give a call directly to this sister and tell her you are going to file a dv case against her for defamation and against her brother for locking you out of your own house. If she don’t want case on her she better publicly apologize and inform all the relatives it was her mistake. Then watch the fun.
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I agree mam...At times even I wished to do that,Coz she is the one ruling our family. She is working in Iceland. When my husband lost job I asked him to try in abroad.He asked me to write IELTS for him.I was ready to do that.But she changed my husbands thought saying if he moves away then his mom will feel bad. None will be there to take care of his parents. From that moment he stopped trying for job in abroad.Last year by this time I was preparing briyani and I was selling it for him as he had no salary. Am a teacher working in an well known international school in blore. Still as he shouldn't feel bad I thought to help him this way.As I cook good he asked me to that. Initially we didn't get much of customers then later I joined foodies of Blore group I posted about it and we got a good customers. But still his sis will ask me how many customers u got this time..How much u got profit which I have to convey everyday. Some times I was getting some unwanted msgs too from FB.When I told about this to my husband just ignore and try getting more customers. As the work pressure increased I stopped the business and it made my mil angry. She started blaming me that am not a supportive wife. I felt so guilty. Have I never been a good wife to him? My MIL said all the relatives are giving their husband jewels to start business.But she is so adamant. Am I doing something wrong? Even this moment my mom is treating me like a ****. Y am I going through this?

Tubinbataye · Aug 9, 2021

And you love him so much! How lucky he must be!
You can break the lock,do a police complaint... But at the end of the day is it all worth? Is the fight worth? You know it better!

joylokhi · Aug 9, 2021

Pavithrarajsaai said: ↑

I agree mam...At times even I wished to do that,Coz she is the one ruling our family. She is working in Iceland. When my husband lost job I asked him to try in abroad.He asked me to write IELTS for him.I was ready to do that.But she changed my husbands thought saying if he moves away then his mom will feel bad. None will be there to take care of his parents. From that moment he stopped trying for job in abroad.Last year by this time I was preparing briyani and I was selling it for him as he had no salary. Am a teacher working in an well known international school in blore. Still as he shouldn't feel bad I thought to help him this way.As I cook good he asked me to that. Initially we didn't get much of customers then later I joined foodies of Blore group I posted about it and we got a good customers. But still his sis will ask me how many customers u got this time..How much u got profit which I have to convey everyday. Some times I was getting some unwanted msgs too from FB.When I told about this to my husband just ignore and try getting more customers. As the work pressure increased I stopped the business and it made my mil angry. She started blaming me that am not a supportive wife. I felt so guilty. Have I never been a good wife to him? My MIL said all the relatives are giving their husband jewels to start business.But she is so adamant. Am I doing something wrong? Even this moment my mom is treating me like a ****. Y am I going through this?
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I went through your original post and the responses here and did not give any opinion as i felt others have very clearly told you what is the best course for you. I agree, going in for divorce straight away is not an easy option and you can definitely wait. At the same time, u need to make it very clear to your husband that you are done with him and plan for a separation , by coming away. If your mother is not supportive, you can take help of friends to find temporary rental accomodation and manage yourself. The greatest positive is that you are working and financially independent. At least you will get to spend your money on both of you(i.e your son ad yourself) . It is so evident from your above post that they do not care about the hardships faced by you but hell bent on milking you over MONEY. This will not change even after you compromise and go back to him. Let him have a taste of life without you and your money and then consider the road ahead. Pray god to give you strength to find a solution.

Pavithrarajsaai · Aug 9, 2021

joylokhi said: ↑

I went through your original post and the responses here and did not give any opinion as i felt others have very clearly told you what is the best course for you. I agree, going in for divorce straight away is not an easy option and you can definitely wait. At the same time, u need to make it very clear to your husband that you are done with him and plan for a separation , by coming away. If your mother is not supportive, you can take help of friends to find temporary rental accomodation and manage yourself. The greatest positive is that you are working and financially independent. At least you will get to spend your money on both of you(i.e your son ad yourself) . It is so evident from your above post that they do not care about the hardships faced by you but hell bent on milking you over MONEY. This will not change even after you compromise and go back to him. Let him have a taste of life without you and your money and then consider the road ahead. Pray god to give you strength to find a solution.
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God is the only hope mam.

sweetsmiley · Aug 9, 2021

OP,

Ican see that u want to live with your husband..

Please give police complaint in women police station that your husband is thrashing u and and ur MIL is asking for dowry i.e. jewels.. And not allowing u inside home..

First thing they will do is, they will call ur husband and MIL and give severe warning and keep them in cell for one or two days..

Then they will ask u want to process with the case.. based on ur husbands response, they will only help you...

But your husband and MIL will not treat u as doormat anymore and definitely u will go and stay with ur husband...
Take bold decision...