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Friends Am Back With The Same Problem After 7 Years... Some Of You Might Know Me What I Had Gonethru

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Pavithrarajsaai, Aug 8, 2021.

  1. Pavithrarajsaai

    Pavithrarajsaai Senior IL'ite

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    Hi, All Sorry for the long post. Am in the darkest phase of my life. I lost my dad on May 4th. He has passed away right in front of my eyes due to covid. I was helpless. I was there with him for 10 days. He was fine but all of sudden on that day he started sweating and his oxygen level started dropping. Though mom and dad were there I felt like I was shattered. My husband reached the hospital but he hasn't consoled or helped my hand even for seconds. I expected him to be there next to me whereas he was busy on-call informing his relatives. Then the next day some of our relatives came to the hospital and we reached our place. Till then my husband wasn't there next to me. It made me feel so bad. I was so shattered. I was dad's prince. His loss and no support made me realize that am an orphan. My dad loves our house he is the kind of person who hasn't got even a single penny from his parents or my mom's family. He keeps cleaning the house whenever he finds time. But we couldn't bring such a person to his home. After the funeral, we all were there at home for 15 days till we finish the rituals. During those days, some of my dad's friends came to help us get his pensions and inquire about him. Being the elder daughter they all contacted me and shared the procedure to claim all his amount. Even those days my husband didn't even shed tears for dad whereas he was busy buying food and enjoying the snacks which we were keeping for pooja. It agitated me. Within few days my son got a high fever. Without even examining my husband started screaming at me saying it's covid, it all happened coz you people are allowing outsiders. We took our son to the doctor and he took medicine within a day he was fine. whereas my husband and myself got a fever. we gave for test and we were tested positive. So I thought to move to my house coz my mother is a diabetic patient and my son had a small son. We went to our home. Some of my friends called me to enquire about dad's death. My husband said not to talk to anyone as being tested positive. I said people are calling me to enquire about dad's death. He started calling my brother and said your sister doesn't listen to me. you take your sister home I will go to my house. My mom will take care of me. As my brother was in the shop he said he will get back to him. By then he called my mom and said the same thing. My mom said you people are always fighting. Please stay quiet at least this time as we have just lost one person. I was so irritated and told him why are you always talking to my parents. what so ever is the fight it should be between us, not the family members. He didn't listen and he again called my brother and shouted about me. I was so annoyed, but I still cooked and served him and I was doing the household chores. He suddenly said I killed my dad. He is the reason for him to get covid. This word got into my nerves and I said to mind his words. He has got so many things from dad but he didn't have the heart to shed a drop of tear for his death. From then I stopped talking to him. Then after 14 days, I came to dad's house for the 30th pooja. On those 14 days, I didn't miss cooking and giving him all the veg healthy food. Apart from that he ordered outside for non-veg and had that as well. Then he came for the 30th-day pooja. I thought to stay with mom for some more days to settle all the claims. He also said mom that he is going to his native for 15 days. After 15 days, he came back to mom's home and said, " Mom, you want us to be good but never want us to be happy. You are the reason for all the problems. Your daughter's character is not good. She is talking to her college guys. Blablabla..The arguments between them went on and on. My brother said it's not the correct time to talk. whereas my husband said for me this is the time. Maybe for you, it's your dad's death/ But for me, this is the apt time. I told him to stop all this drama and leave the house. So he came to slap me. Mom came in between to stop ..whereas he pushed mom aside. He himself tore his shirt and took the video of my scream. My mom said you are making the decisions when you people are happy then why are you involving me in your fight. Did you people tell me about the abortion which you have done(which happened 3 years back. As my husband lost his job he wanted me to go for an abortion. So I agreed)Mom asked did you people abort coz it was a girl child. In that case why people are having the jewels which I gave for the marriage.Give it back... Immediately my husband said if you want the jewels to keep your daughter too and left my house. He has a debt of 8 L. Apart from that am paying the EMI for furniture we bought and am taking care of my son's education, house be, internet TV bills, maintenance, and other household expenses. Whereas he hasn't given a single penny so far. While coming for dad's 30th-day pooja I got few night dresses for my son and I... He has changed the house lock. We both shared about our past love before marriage. Now his sister has told that to all the family members. Now they are demanding for divorce taking my past affair as the reason. I have taken all the responsibility and I have done beyond the limit how much ever I could do for him. But now he has left me and my son forever. Not even letting me take books and dresses for my son. I feel like dying but then worried about my son's future. He is enjoying life and insulting me with FB and WhatsApp status.My life seems to be dark. He didn't even think of my son. It's been more than a month since he left. He has asked for my jewels to start a business. I said that is the only thing I have for myself and my son.Coz after working for past 10 years I don't have a saving of a single penny. I used to transfer the salary to him. last December we had an argument. We were there in his home where his mom insulted me so many times. He didn't even bother to ask her. She doubted me saying I have stolen her slipper which was later found there.As I spoke he pushed me and stamped me on my private part in the fight. From then I stopped transferring the salary though I pay all the EMI. I love him so much. Though we have a lot of arguments and fights my love for him has never decreased. Help me get out of these. What can I do to get back to my husband?
     
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  2. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Please don't think to go back. Keep your love inside and face the present. You are not able to accept the present but you can't close your eyes. Nothing will change with that. He will not change. It's better to start your life afresh with your son. You are a working woman and can live independently. Accept and move on.
     
    Pavithrarajsaai likes this.
  3. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Lot of hugs dear,sty for your dad..
    Your husband was trying to get rid of you and your son,now it’s time for you to stand for yourself and fir your baby,be strong and don’t show your weakness to your child,now he was growing and it wil impact in his mind,infront if him try to act as normal as possible and your husband was not ready to be with you,y you are running behind him,he was settled with house and other things now he wants to throw you,you can take help of some police to collect your things and baby things and roach a gud lawyer and file against him and show the bank statements that you are the one who is paying Emi so you to have equal rights what ever in the house..he was not deserve for your love or anything,we look for a shoulder when we are in downs and even at that time he was not there and no sentiments too..even after these many years of marriage he was acting as a unmetered guy and trying to show you are wrg..
    You be strong and clear and take a decision and never cry for wrong persons by wasting your energy..you have your boy who needs you,and your mother needs your support now,don’t think of him much and leave everything for time it heals your pain..
    He was not deserved for your love ..take a step and come out of it..you have job in hand so you can take care of your boy..and fight for your jewels and things ..
     
  4. Pavithrarajsaai

    Pavithrarajsaai Senior IL'ite

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    I couldn't accept this. I have lived with him for 10 long years. I haven't left him when he was in trouble. I haven't left him to feel when he lost his job. My heart and soul say I need him back.
     
  5. Pavithrarajsaai

    Pavithrarajsaai Senior IL'ite

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    I couldn't take it. I

    I couldn't take it mam. Am not such a brave girl to live alone with my son. Mom is also not happy as am staying with her. My son is just 8 years old. I am looking for a way to live with him. Am ready to beg him as well to take me back. Suggest me a way to go back to him mam.
     
  6. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Then reject the divorce and inform to lawyer you want to live with him..no court will give divorce with out mutual acceptance and the answer is in your question onl..you are ready even to beg him and you love him from the core he was taking this as advantage and he wil surely now line the limits and will set a rules to your life..
    You can approach family court regarding this they can help you ,but never looses your self while trying to live with him,once you loose you never gain it back..
    All the best dear..
     
  7. Pavithrarajsaai

    Pavithrarajsaai Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you so much, mam...The thing is going legally will not work.In fact my mom feels me as a bad sign for being here. At the same time, she will now leave me alone too. I have lost my self respect in the last 10 years. I have been physically and verbally abused by almost all his relatives. I have adjusted coz I loved him a lot and my son needs a father. Am ready to go thru the worst too for my love and my son.
     
  8. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Sry dear ,ofcource many of old generation will think of a girl stays with them after mrg it wil be bad for them,if in that case you can rent a house stay alone also ..
    Anyway you wants to be with him ,but dear when you are losing your self while searching for your love and what your son will learn from you ? He wil als loose himself or he wil be like his father??until and unless you take a stand for yourself to take respect from them not only you even your son also won’t get any respect from anyone..if your family gives respect to you and your son then only others will give.atleast stand for your son,he needs respect from others ,otherwise tomorrow your sil and your husband will tell him the story what they said to your brother and mother then you will loose everything in life ..
    There is nothing wrong in your love but in that you no need to loose your self ,why you are afraid of them a lot?,wat els they can do??they just revealed everything about your past to everyone then what els is there??
    You be like you and tell him you are not ready for divorce and don’t bend too much,then One-Day you will be a loser to your kid too ..do u want to show that to your son ??you may not be the role model to him but should not be the looser infront of him..teach him how to take a stand and how to get respect from others ..it’s your right
     
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  9. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    This is the reason for his abuse. Your son is seeing this and learning the same
     
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  10. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    You are not transferring your salary now. That is the reason he changed the lock and not allowing you to go to your home (where you and your H were living)? To threaten you so that you comes to his terms?
    Do you know that, he can't do that legally like blocking you to go to your home, or blocking access to your books or other items in the house?
    why do you want to get your Husband back in your life? Is it really Love like you thinking or is it because it is society norm and you think a woman can't live happily by herself? Are you afraid of living alone and raising a kid responsibly?

    When you are taking all financial care of your self and your kid, you need to start living alone instead of living with your mom ( because she is not supporting you living there).

    By the way it is been only one month, your H will soon be back in your life, to fight and get what he wants like Jewels and your salary or he wants to have wife and kid in his life whenever he wants.

    Once you start taking full responsibility of yourself and your son, by living separately and doing all independently, you know clearly what you want from your marriage and can keep your rules to make your marriage work (through elders or using legal help or finally your want divorce)

    Your son is 8 years old and you can talk to him in-detail, why you chose to live separately. It is not like you have to bear all abuse because kid needs father. Kid will have father if you all live in one house or live separately or divorced.
     
    1Sandhya likes this.

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