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Friend, Jealous Of Everything

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Sweety82, Nov 23, 2020.

  1. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    What will you do if your long time friend, whom you have considered her as a good hearted person, has transformed into a
    1. Jealous person
    2. Could not bear your success
    3. When i had positive happenings, i used to share with her with a sincere heart. But i dont know why, whatever incidents i share, it will turn down into a failure.

    I don't know whether it is my mental myth or not, but it has happened for each and every single event. Whenever i share, i could observe her face changes into dull. For anything and everything, i observed that she wants to overtake me and be happy. I wont take this seriously everytime. But when the table turns towards me and if i taste success in something, she will be very dull. When she experiences success, i always celebrated with her and was very happy. But why it is not happening the other way? i dont know. So, slowly i detached myself because of this inconvenience and started to be a closed book. Because of this, a big gap has emerged between us. I dont know whether i did is correct or not? Please advise. Even now we dont have any misunderstanding. But she is always comparing her life with me, which i dont like. God will always balance the equation of life. She is not at all feeling happy with what she has, and always feeling desperate for something. No one in this world has the gift of everything. Even i have problems, which i manage. I need your opinions pls... whether to continue this friendship or not...
     
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  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, it happens that when you are miserable with your life , the other side of the grass seems green...I.e you feel that only you’re unhappy and others re happy and successful in life..maybe your friend is going through a rough patch in her life..so her bitterness is manifesting like this..maybe just a co incidence about your failures and may not maot be connected..
    I don’t think you should discontinue this friendship..but better to stick to neutral topics and not to share too much of your personal matters esp. positive ones when you know it may hurt her..
    Friendships change over time...it’s not necessary that your friends need to be happy for your success always..even good friends sometimes behave such..
     
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  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I will make a confession, I went through many rough patches in my personal life..though I dint get to meet friends all that often, I would experience some irritation when my friends would proudly mention positive things happening in their life, professional or personal.i would force themselves not to be happy for them and sometimes inwardly feel low...but this was very transient...Now that I’m older and more mature, this doesn’t happen...I understand the ups and downs of life that everyone faces and not much scope for jealousy.
     
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  4. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I had this type of experiences many times in my life, I just stopped sharing (due to previous experience, i always be careful in sharing any kind of Info). I found that only parents (not biased ones) are genuinely happy for you!!! and no one else, and think everything is perfectly rolls over to us, so I became more conservative in sharing info esp good news either with school friend/relative/cousins/sibling/current life "friends"!! It is hard to stay like this but me and DH celebrate it with nice vacation or some nice buy for self or home or kids or with a nice restaurant food and be happy with ourselves. But I try be normal and have general topic discussion with people around me, got used to this kind of convos now!!
     
  5. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you @Needtobestrong for your advice..
     
  6. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    T
    Thank you @EverydayBloom , I believe that would work
     
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    As a corollary, one may come across friends selectively avoid meeting people who continuously remain successful. This could happen within family circle among cousins, siblings...it is termed also as inferiority complex

    Some whatever may be the point of discussion will have the knack to bring about their successes into topic and boast in total disregard to listeners whether they are feigning or really listen with interest. This is superiority complex.

    Generally beyond a point, however friends are close to us better keep a lower profile and not to mention of successes with gusto.

    To his circle of friends, comedian Nagesh says, dudes sorry ya I have passed in the exam.
    Thanks and Regards.
     
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  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I was the first among my friends group to be placed in job...got it from my merit alone..my close friends didn’t whole heartedly congratulate me at all...on the other hand when they got job a little later some of them dint even inform..they just put an update on social media account about their job and designation...even later afterwards, during many get togethers they would crack jokes on me and say sarcastically that I’m earning very good salary and can sponsor their get togethers etc..though I was earning very less as a fresher...from tone of voice there was envy and dint seem like friendly teasing..just an example, that even good and close friends of many years can do this..
     
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  9. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    It is best to avoid overly jealous and consistently jealous friends. I hosted a friend from India, who I had known as teenager. I thought, we will be bff, but realized that she was holding a lot of grudges and was extremely jealous- most of my making it to the great us- very ahead of my time.
    She had come with an agenda and was grinding her teeth when talking to my children- may be all her hatred towards me was being projected on my kids- her kid was also there- may be she was comparing them...I don't know what was going in her head but my 6th sense said I should avoid her to protect my kids.
    It is understandable to be envious of few things or few events or few times- but if it is consistent- then must be avoided.
     
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  10. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for sharing your experience.....I had the same experience with this friend @Needtobestrong . I started getting afraid of telling any positive news to her. I could read her mind actually. So, it was not my imagination.. Now i maintain some distance because i have no option. Apart from this, honestly she is good.. Everytime she used to fume and point some other person is always lucky... So due to this attitude, i could not say anything to her positive or negative... I was always hesitant. But if she has anything positive, her attitude changes. So i have decided to be away... This disturbs me a lot mentally..
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2020
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