friend confused..shall he marry?

anurajiv · Jan 6, 2010

My friend is only 22,he is been forced by his parents to marry their family friend's daughter..shall he marry?

unlike other countries ,the marriages in india are determined by their parents.my friend harsh is forced by his parents to marry their familyfriend's daughter.the situation of girl is pathetic as her parents died in an accident and now she is an orphan.it will be a great support and protection to the girl if he marries her.my friend also likes her and she is also a beautiful medical student aged 20,she perfectly suits him.but what worries him is his age.he is only 22.just completed engineering and started his professional life.he wants to enjoy his bachelor life and he says he will marry her when he attains 28.but it is crucial for the girl as in india there is no guarantee of safety for a charming girl who has got no one to help.also due to the resistance from the girl's greedy relatives(who are just interested on her assets and not her life)harsh's parents are unable to give her support and protection.but if he marries,their part will become much stronger as she is her DIL.but harsh is reluctant in doing an early marriage..his main problem is that his friends will make joke on him.but harsh's parents are very strict and wants him to marry that girl.what should he do?
forget the crap lang of mine.im just bad at english

SriVidya75 · Jan 6, 2010

Anu

If the guy likes the girl and vice versa, why not just do an engagement and let them wait for few more yrs...thats pretty young age to get married or being forced to get married knowing that theguy is not ready for the responsibilities yet.

Engagement gives both of them that bonding that yes someone is there for them and down teh line if they stillw ant to get married to each other they can, mean while they both can get to know each other more...JMO

Manaswini08 · Jan 7, 2010

So, let's see.....he likes her and she likes him (I presume) but he wants to wait for another 6 years to marry her. What was he planning on doing in these 6 years?....go out with different girls while this girl waits for him? Or was he thinking of more subtle things to do such as go visit places or hang out with friends? If his interest was in finding other females and seeing how charming he could be in flirting them he definately is not the man that this girl deserves. And I'm sure she will wake up to that fact and find a more decent man who wants to dedicate his life to her. If its th e latter, then those same things can be accomplished even after marriage.

When we got married I was 21 and DH was 22. Now in our late 30's we're enjoying life more than his friends (of the same age) are. Our daughters are almost teenagers and we are financially well off because we worked together from an early age to make a comfortable nest for our family. DH friends have either just gotten married or just started a family. From our point of view, we were smart to start a family at a young age, cuz we were still energetic to enjoy it and can enjoy grandchildren (hopefuly) at a young age also.

Getting married is not an end to your life but a beginning of a different phase in life. One that you are able to share with your best friend. Tell your friend to make a list of things that he had planned to do in the next 6 years....and then ask him if he can do the exact same things with someone by his side. someone who will love him and his parents. Although you didn't mention it, I take it that his parents and this girl are also comfortable with each other.

Personally, I do hope he agrees to marry her.

asuitablegirl · Jan 7, 2010

I think that if he really likes her, and she likes him, they could go for a long engagement like SriVidya suggested. Or, they could get married... but I think they should wait a good couple of years before thinking to have kids. That way he can enjoy married life to the fullest, and party/have fun with his wife without too much responsibilities. Also, he could tell her that as he is just starting out in life, he expects her not to throw out big demands like buying house right away, family, etc.

p.s. he shouldn't worry too much what his friends will think. FRIENDS COME AND GO.

Priya16 · Jan 7, 2010

My understanding from her OP is,

The girl is doing medicine and the boy started the carrier and girl has sufficient money(from parents) and in-laws willing to support DIL.

So I don't think boy will have big responsabilites here financially.

If they get married that's well and good.Otherwise since both of them are getting to new world eventually they could end up finding some one else.

The guy need not to worry about any friends comments.They will talk for sometime and eventually they have to shut there moths.

Again we will only know boy side story.I am not sure what girl has in her mind though.

I would go with 1-2 years engagement and then marraige .

Nandshyam · Jan 7, 2010

Forget friends. They are like yummy side dishes in life. Don't take me wrong. But when making such life decisions one should understand if it would make them comfortable. Because end of the day they are the one's going to live through it. Worrying about what parents/relatives/society would say is wrong. He should not marry for the sake of that girl or for his parents. He should marry her only if he really loves her and want to spend the rest of the life with her.

Why is that only your friend has to marry that girl? If his parents want her to have a good life, they can make her stay with them and look for a good groom too. Have your friend think it through. Marriage for the sake of it will not last.

Spiderman1 · Jan 7, 2010

Folks in IL who have read myriad posts should only say one line:

Only marry when you are comfortable and fully accepting the marriage.

Only marry when you are comfortable and fully accepting the marriage.

Only marry when you are comfortable and fully accepting the marriage.

We have seen numerous issues in IL to suggest anything else. These parents forcing kids to get married is wrong. They cant do jack if tomorrow one of them regrets the decision and wants to back track.

Rihana · Jan 7, 2010

I agree with what Spiderman1 has said: Only marry when you are comfortable and fully accepting the marriage.

From reading the OP, I get the observation that rather than the friend "liking" the girl, he basically does not dislike her. There is nothing obviously wrong with her if she is considered as a prospective match for a wife. But, he does not seem to be mentally ready for marriage or interested in it. Marrying the girl because there is "nothing wrong with her" and the other sad details, is not the best basis for a strong marriage.

Like Nandshyam said, he should marry her only if he really wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and not for the sake of that girl or his parents. He should do it because he wants to and not as an "upkaar" on anyone.

Mahajanpragati · Jan 7, 2010

hi,
the boy & girl are too young to marry.they have yet to finish studies & as the boy has already mentioned want to enjoy bachelors life.even the girl may want to enjoy her single days.
the girl is a medical student.that means she has brains & no one whether greedy relatives or some well wishers like this family can decide anything for her.granted she may be emotionally down at this time because of death of her parents but still i feel she will recover.
he should be firm with his parents & lay his point of view.i think he should meet the girl & try to explain her his point of view.