Friday Musings..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Dec 14, 2024.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    13,171
    Likes Received:
    21,041
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Just a casual thread..this is only my sole
    Opinion..experiences will differ from
    Person to person..

    Having said that:.

    I was thinking..why do friendships feel different abroad..

    It does not feel organic to me at all..Some clicks and some don’t..but meh..

    Anyways..I am from Chennai.I grew up with people who felt familiar to my culture and it was exciting to know people from
    Different states and it was novel and nice to me.In college ( arts college and one of the famous ones)there were groups.I figured out who we could gel and stuck to them.Mostly those girls will have something in common and even status wise we will be the same.

    The rich girls won’t even let me or my friends in their group :) Plus they were so popular and we will be in awe of them.

    At home, I come from a middle
    Class upbringing nd all
    My neighbors were also middle
    Class simple people.

    The rich people lived In different areas.

    Lower middle class different areas and upper middle class different areas.

    It was not difficult to find a couple of friends/ acquaintances out of zillion people. Plus there were not really a look out for friendships as such as we kept meeting people here and there and not one day passed by without meeting any human being.So it was easy to find at least some
    Friends without effort.


    Now here abroad..

    when I first came to the US, very less people compared to the population we had in India.Nobody knocked doors and I don’t know hi my next door neighbors were.

    As a homemaker I first had to go for some
    Walking to find some
    Human around.Half the time we go by car and come by car anyways.Plus the people I knew are my husband’s friends wives.

    With zero family around and having to adjust and adapt to who we have around was a challenge for me at first.

    Secondly the potlucks.It was a nightmare for me Coz being an introvert and having to do all this to be a part of the community was a great mental effort.

    Also I just couldn’t adjust and I was not
    Going to shy down my opinions ( something I learnt in later years is to shut up and not everything needs a reaction)

    Also couldn’t get along also with a few as we all had a different mentality and if we were in Chennai I would not even be an acquaintance with them And vice versa.

    Then when we moved to home the neighborhood was very pleasant and nice people .However a lady I met yoga class is from some area like
    banjara hills Hyderabad and she is super well
    To do. Now I am mentioning rich not coz am into money or this or that but the point am
    Trying to make is those neighbors won’t even be a friend if we were back in Chennai.not coz they r bad or anything but their lifestyle and interests will be very different.Infact we would have never met! Even if we had maybe not good friends

    Anways am from a simple place from Chennai and so my likes and nature is different. The lady I met in yoga class wants to party ,know and her talks were just not relatable to me.it was crazy how she just couldn’t understand me, I also couldn’t understand her and so the friendship fizzled.

    Some Neighbors of mine are friends with celebrities also and they know politicians.pretty sure we won’t even live in the same
    Area if we r in India .In USA most homes look
    Similar and lifestyle more
    Or less same
    But I feel inwardly people are
    Different and it gets too stressful sometimes when interests also don’t match.

    No one is right or wrong.Sometimes environments do make a difference.

    As much as one says as the saying goes birds of a feather flock together.We try and of course many do amazingly well.

    I feel Abroad life thought me life but sometimes miss that belongingness..

    I would any day go and eat a roadside chat with a friend on an impromptu get together naturally..superficial gatherings are fine once in a While but dosent work all the time..hmm.. Being in the right environment for our mindset is important..Friendship is one relationship which shouldn’t need to be made with so much effort.

    Just some random
    Thoughts..
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2024
    iyerviji and shyamala1234 like this.
    Loading...

  2. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    6,106
    Likes Received:
    11,640
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear @Anikha,

    Thank you for starting yet another thought-provoking discussion.

    You are absolutely right.

    In my view, friendship is distinctly different from an acquaintance relationship. Unfortunately, many people label acquaintances as friends, which often leads to misunderstandings.

    A true friend is someone with whom we share a deep emotional bond, built on trust, loyalty, and mutual support. They enrich our lives by being a part of it in meaningful ways, sharing common interests or activities, and standing by us through thick and thin. Interestingly, friendships often blossom between two individuals who are vastly different—whether in terms of race, religion, social background, status, or even gender—and yet, they remain strong and healthy.

    Acquaintances, on the other hand, are people we know casually, with limited interaction and shared experiences. These are often individuals we cross paths with due to shared interests or circumstances, such as colleagues, church mates, fellow parents at school, neighbours, or gym buddies. While some of these relationships might evolve into friendships over time, most tend to fade as the shared purpose or context diminishes.

    For example, I had a close acquaintance who was the mother of both my children’s classmates. Last year, when my kids resumed schooling in Sri Lanka after a long gap, we bonded over school-related activities, events, and exams. She was amazing, and we respected each other. However, I couldn’t find a true friend in her. Beyond school matters, we lacked a deeper connection and shared interests. As a result, our relationship is naturally fading now that we don’t have as much interaction. We’re still in touch, but not as intensely as we were before.

    In contrast, I met a wonderful friend in Egypt. We had absolutely nothing in common initially, except for our dedication to work and being somewhat workaholic. She was almost a decade younger than me, newly married, an Egyptian woman who studied in the UK, and from a different religious background. Despite our differences, we discovered a deep connection within months of knowing each other. We became soul sisters, sharing many unspoken bonds, and our friendship has flourished ever since. Touchwood, we’re still closely connected.

    I also have a male friend I met randomly on social media 15 years ago. Our friendship clicked instantly and has only grown stronger over time. Despite meeting only two or three times in person due to our frequent travels and living in different parts of the world, we’ve always been there for each other. Our families have also become connected, and today, we’re like an extended family.

    Friendship, in its truest form, transcends differences and thrives on genuine connection, trust, and mutual respect.
     
    anika987 and wish4miracle like this.
  3. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    282
    Trophy Points:
    125
    Gender:
    Female
    I had this confusion when I had fb account
    I had around 300 "friends" where I actually had only few and rest all are acquaintances/colleagues. Some were only work in progress.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    13,171
    Likes Received:
    21,041
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    So true!
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    13,171
    Likes Received:
    21,041
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah agreed:)
     
  6. aryanlady

    aryanlady Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    Anika, on a slow snow-day, i peeped back into this forum after years and first post that i saw was yours!
    Your post resonates with me! May be you are also comfortable to be in a smaller intimate groups and when that becomes forced, you feel burned out. Here in US, Try out larger activity based setting - like a hike , group dance session etc. There is not much time there except making a "top - layer" talk and you are getting your endorphin's rush and not spent emotionally. I am not sure abt the friendship scene in india.. that ship has sailed :)
     
    Rihana and anika987 like this.
  7. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    13,171
    Likes Received:
    21,041
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Exactly..when forced I feel mental exhaustion.I actually love people and I don’t have problems with anyone I do understand we are all different but am unable to just hang out with whoever I only get to hang out. I miss the e proximity and vibe and tribe feel..but true as u said the ship has sailed:)
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    13,171
    Likes Received:
    21,041
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Sometimes I ask this soul searching question

    why do I want to be a part of a girl
    Group ?
    Am someone who can have fun on my own,an ambivert by nature and I can be okay.
    Why then?

    I feel FOMO I admit it:)

    I also feel like in abroad only if one a part of the group in case of dire emergency u can request.Again I didn’t mean it in a way to “seek help” but just saying . Friendships sometimes have become like give and take.I help people too and ready to help even if they r not my friend out of humanity.But how many will be that way to me?


    I want to go out and have fun but it’s like either u r all in the group or nor.Life is not easy for an ambivert.

    I don’t know how to emotionally detach and talk just for the sake of being in a group..

    I want to be doing things naturally and it feels so exhausting to make efforts for things am naturally inclined to..

    I just miss my bestie..:(

    anyways just sharing.Thanks guys for reviving the thread.Please pour your thoughts..I share so much coz I can be myself here:)
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    6,106
    Likes Received:
    11,640
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Absolutely.

    Perhaps, this is how you have been raised to believe it is important to be a part of something... A family or a group of society or friends etc... and we end up compromising a lot due to wrong association.

    Because, you have reached a point in your life which makes you realize the importance of self love. You have started valuing your self, and learning to respect the ''You" within you. Self prioritization usually occurs when you are in your 40s. That's when life becomes beautiful.
     
  10. Divyasaravanan

    Divyasaravanan Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    89
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    I am sorry, I feel like you are contradicting your own statements. You are telling that being in a group is exhausting and you are someone who can have fun on my own. But you are also telling that you want to go out and have fun.
    Situations are the same for everyone, but its us who complicates each situation.
    Just think like this, what are you going to lose if you spend time with your girls group and what are the pros. Weigh both pros and cons and decide what you want to do. After you decided and went ahead with your plan, dont brood over that decision.
     

Share This Page