Friction Points Between Seniors (70+) And Adult Children (40+)

Dear Viswa,
Times have changed.My niece 34 working as a Tax specialist in an MNC is already planning for her retirement at 45.She has categorically told every one that she is not prepared to cook.She is a divorcee and is not in a hurry to get married.Except in respect of health issues, her parents cannot expect any friendly chats.Her parents feel lonely.She goes to bed at 2.30 am and gets up at 9.30 am.Where is the time or energy to have friendly chats or meaningful discussion unless some one feels that it is necessary. Is it job pressure , arrogance or absence of an emotional need?
Regards SLN

 

This is the best answer if one can afford it.I know an elderly couple living separately but whose services are needed when the youngsters go on an international holiday..This is to supervise house keeping and take care of the puppy.They are sugar and honey during such times.It is a question of mindset that providing emotional support is also a part of their duty.

 

I do appreciate your efforts in analysing every aspect of seniors vs their children relationship.Ask one question-if the seniors have lot of money to bequeath, the whole scenario changes.Grandchildren are advised to pamper their grandparents.All these problems are faced by middle class families and the seniors have just enough money to survive.Grandchildren are weaned away stating that instead of running errands for seniors they should concentrate on studies.Grandchildren are keen observers and they inturn try to ape their parents while dealing with seniors.Problems will only intensify with life span making a dramatic increase.

 

Sensible advice. Emotional support to both real and imaginary grievances is the least youngsters can offer to their parents

 

She is a wonderful girl as far as caring for parents is concerned.Her father himself says that she would not be a typical housewife.She logs in around 4.40 pm and continues till the american system shuts shop.She is not able to sleep immediately as she is on to kindle being an avid reader. There is no subject of common interest between her and her parents in their late seventies.She pounces on them when they are not able to handle on line shopping.She hugs her parents now and then.Yet there is an emotional disconnect and parents cannot do anything without her approval.Her typical language is 1.Let me make it crystal clear 2.Let me mull over it 3,Don't run to me even for lodging a complaint with Tata Sky etc.There is an authoritative tone including-get my coffee.At her age she had more than a fair share of problems including physical and financial commitment for treating her father for prostrate cancer. To sum it up something is missing and the relationship is one of subservience and lacking spontaneity.

 

Dear Rihana,
You have used an appropriate expression " solicited advice".That is where seniors feel left out. Seniors also should just stop with offering suggestions without appearing to be offended when their their unsolicited advice is not accepted. As you rightly said,today professional help is available on any subject.The moot point however is lack of communication.To take a silly example young couple say "we are going out".Seniors start imagining various possibilities.There will be no heart burn if they were to say " we are going out for shopping".Open communication is the right fix to communicate inclusiveness in relationship. With pardonable pride let me say that I am a self appointed counsellor for our group of around 20 seniors all around 70+
Regards
SLN