Frequent fights over sex

JayaJ · Aug 6, 2011

Hi all,

Mine is a love marriage of 8 yrs. we are still going strong by God's grace. After my first dauter was born 2 yrs after our marriage, my sex drive became low. I was working and managing the house as well as handling my kid, so i was stressed out and was in NO mood for sex. It used to be once in 2-3 months. Initally hubby used to pressurize me but after he realised that I was over stressed, he eased off.

We shifted to Canada and i have quit my job. So, i get more time with my kids and hubby. First year, it was ok, I had regained my sex drive and was happy and we used to do it once a week. But offlate, for the last 6-8 months, its again become a bone of contention.

Now, hubby expects me to b ready for him every 2 nights. For me, i had some problems with my family from january this year and it affected me a lot (refer previous post of mine). Hubby travels a lot and I end up being alone with kids most of the time. I take them to the doc, for all their activities, everything...

Even wen hubby is @ home, i end up doing everything myself. He never offers to do anything and i also stopped asking him. I feel, he should know himself when to offer. If he's not going to do his part, then, i dont want to beg him.

Also, he has bad odour and bad breath. I have pointed it out to him gently but he didnt take care. I pointed it out more firmly but even then he didnt take me seriously. So i used to shy away from physical contact. Then, after few fights, he started taking care of body odour and bad breath. I was happy.

I dont know what is wrong with me. I just cannot seem to get aroused to satisfy him. I feel guilty about it. Every week, atleast once, hubby fights with me over this. I just like to lie down and cuddle up. but hes not satisfied wid it.

What should i do? What is wrong with me? How can i increase my libido?

Please help.

JJ

indianguy2010 · Aug 9, 2011

494 people have read the above post..........and no one felt like attempting to address the issue ? Is differing libido between the couple a non-issue ? or Is is too trivial to be ignored ?:drowning

Well, I may not talk much about it. Because , myself being a man, I have been advised not to go into the nitty gritties of issues related to sexualty.

Yet, very briefly, I wanted to tell you something very important. You said, you live in Canada. Please visit your nearest public library and get the book, 'Good Loving Great Sex" by Dr.Rosie King.

Dr.Rosie King is a Australian lady doctor, family practioner, who specialises in this area. She has explained every thing about desire discrepancy and the conflicts arising out of it.

Grab the above said book. Read it. Then, I am sure, you will get back to thank me, for having recommended it. It will ceratinly address your problem of differing sex drives, very specifically. Good Luck..!

bramvi · Aug 9, 2011

Not sure what to say . May be that book will help.
It is different for every couple.
Try not to think about your family issues a lot.
If you keep refraining from s-x like this while your partner is interested, then it is a problem!
Looks like you are very confident that your hubby will not go seeking for 'it' outside marriage, hence you are taking this easily. You need to work on getting yourselves ready to satisfy him before he decides to try other things.
But at the same time after 8 years of marriage, wanting 'it' every other day is I think little too much ?!!
but I might be wrong, I have absolutely no idea also.
Wishing you luck

Saumyamom · Aug 9, 2011

Could it be coz you have a bigger issue?You dont feel attracted to him ? Is there anything specific you think he or you can do make you feel for it?cant you guys have a midway ,there is a huge gap between supply and demand right now ,so to speak..

maya69 · Aug 9, 2011

JJ,

 [FONT=&quot]Well I don’t think I have the exact answer to your question but I can relate as I feel I have gone through similar stuff…..[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Mine was also a love marriage. I always felt that DH had more s_x drive than me. Not frequent enough was an ongoing issue for him especially after kids. I quit my job after our second one. His expectation was that now that I was home I would be more rested and ready for him. Absolutely not true. I found it to be the opposite..I was more exhausted, less confident as the years I stayed home increased and it became another one of those umpteen chores I did. Fights about s_x was frequent. After 5yrs of being a stay at home mom, I went back to work. It was very difficult to manage but I enjoyed being out of the house. It made me confident again. I payed attention to how I dressed, had a chance to talk to other women my age. It definitely helped improve my libido as well. Maybe it was the confidence factor. I also find that the evenings where my husband helps me in the kitchen a bit and we are chatting about things helps me to have the right mood later too. For women I think Good Sex comes from being in a good state of mind. It takes effort and planning after kids are born. Take mini weekend vacations to get away from the routine. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Talk to your dh about helping you out in the house so you feel more of a couple.
[/FONT]

JayaJ · Aug 9, 2011

indianguy2010 said: ↑

494 people have read the above post..........and no one felt like attempting to address the issue ? Is differing libido between the couple a non-issue ? or Is is too trivial to be ignored ?:drowning

Hi, Tnx for responding to me. I think its too trivial a issue for people to respond i guess. Though i know how BIG and Crucial it is for my relationship.

Yet, very briefly, I wanted to tell you something very important. You said, you live in Canada. Please visit your nearest public library and get the book, 'Good Loving Great Sex" by Dr.Rosie King.

Definitely will do as soon as possible.
Will keep u updated.

Tnx once again.
JJ
Click to expand...

JayaJ · Aug 9, 2011

If you keep refraining from s-x like this while your partner is interested, then it is a problem!
Looks like you are very confident that your hubby will not go seeking for 'it' outside marriage, hence you are taking this easily. You need to work on getting yourselves ready to satisfy him before he decides to try other things.

Hi,

BECAUSE It is a prob is why i have addressed the issue here hoping for some advise. You are right, you dont know what to say. You are just telling me things which i am aware of and have stated in my post. But thanks anyway.

JayaJ · Aug 9, 2011

i dont know. I luv him, there are certain things that i adore about him....i dont know where d gap is though...

JayaJ · Aug 9, 2011

Dear Maya,

Thank you!! Its a relief to know there is someone who has been through this same issue too. I was beginning to wonder if something was drastically wrong with me!!!
You dont know how much of a relief it is for me.

Maybe i am missing the company of girl friends of my age. I dont have many friends here.
Also running after 2 kids IS a huge drain on me.

Hubby DOES help me around the house when hes at home and we do go on mini vacations often.
Hopefully the book 'Good Loving Great Sex" by Dr.Rosie King recommended by Indianguy will help.

Thanks once again!!

tashidelek2002 · Aug 9, 2011

I would suggest going to the gynecologist and having your hormones levels checked. If you have low levels that can easily be treated. (If memore serves me correctly, one treatment is a shot of testosterone which is super effective depending on the situation.)