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Found or Lost a Friend in my spouse, is friendship the flavor of good marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by malspie, Aug 12, 2007.

  1. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    Is Friendship the flavor of happy married life?

    Few get married to a friend and retain friendship even after marriage.:-D Few get married and find a friend in their spouse. :) Few lose a friend after marriage.:-(

    To start with:

    One of my friends got married to her best friend. For few months he remained a friend, but, with time he started behaving more like a husband. His change brought lot of frustration in both their life. The bitterness grew and led to divorce.

    I also know a couple who are married for 15 years now. They met during their college days, became good friends, then lovers and now they are happily married couple. Their personality is so different, but, I am amazed to see how they click. When I asked the man, he told me I accept her the way she is and when I asked the woman she told me I accept him the way he is. She does not like his relatives and he has kept them away. He often visits his relatives alone and she does not mind that. She is a shopholic and has to visit a mall every day. He does not stop her from it. She demands that he takes them out every Sunday and he willingly obliges.



    He promises that he would be home by 7 and returns at 11. She does not grumble. He never participates in the academic growth of the children. She has accepted it. He never stays back home if anybody falls sick (either her or the children), most of them he does not give a courtesy call home to find out howz the health. She does not complain. She is sure he has completely forgotten that somebody is sick at home.

    He suddenly calls up to inform that very senior officials are going to be home for wine and dinner. I have often seen him demanding for cheese, cherries, pineapple, masala pappads, and many such items with the guests around. She has to keep every item stacked up in the kitchen and she does not know what he would yell out for.

    These differences have made no place for this couple. They are still the best of friends.

    Miss X was very reluctant to get married to Mr Y because his upbringing was from Kerala while her upbringing was from Mumbai. They had to start their life in Mumbai, but, she was not sure of life with him. She got engaged to him (obedient daughter) and later married him after two months. During those two months she was surprised with greeting cards and gifts from her fiancé on “Valentine’s Day” and her “Birthday” which fell in those two months. Whenever he met her he would gift her some soft toys and cards and even ask her out for lunch / dinner. She was told by friends that he must have done some homework of City girl’s demands and is acting accordingly. Finally the ‘D’ day arrived and she got married. She is happily married today with two kids. She was surprised to have a great friend in her husband. She would often tell her colleagues that he his very less of a husband and more of her best friend.

    Have you found a friend or lost a friend in your husband????
     
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  2. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mals
    Very interesting topic and you have presented it very well indeed.
    I have been married for 23 and 1/2 years and i'm proud to say i found a friend in marraige. since we got married young and had a kid late it was just the two of us thru all we went thru. so we grew up together and he is my best friend too. i know he will say the same for me so thats nice we complement each other. we are arranged marraige which i believe is arranged by god.
    regards
    chitra:-D
     
  3. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Mals,

    This is a very interesting topic that you have started. And i am sure this must have set ticking many a minds.

    Mine is an arranged marriage. But yes i am lucky to have him as my life partner. Our relationship is in between a good companion and a good friend.

    Roopa.
     
  4. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Though ours is an arranged marriage, though we have lots of opinions between us, though we fight fight and fight a lot, I know that I can trust him and I know he is my best friend. He is the first person I can confide and he is the person who will lend me shoulder whenever I need.

    So I can proudly say that my spouse is my first and best friend
     
  5. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi mals nice one. I missed it out.

    A friend in a husband. well my best friend became my husband and after my marriage the friendship continues.
    We have been married for 14 years. yes as in the case of the first case of friends you have mentioned, we have lot of differences and common things in personality. Both of us are strong minded. We have our set of arguments. People gave us a year of marriage. Now people say couples should be like us.

    It was not love lost. I said getting married to known devil is better than unknown angel :tongue
    Both set of parents said ok, but did not get involved with us till they needed us. so what we are today we are self made.

    He brings people for dinner at 1.00 in the night and i do serve them. It is known thing in our friends circle, you are hungry and dont know where to go, go to shanthi's.

    He is workalcoholic. but now he is learnt to balance both home and work.
    We talk about everything, there is no topic that is taboo for us.
    All said I give him breathing space. He gives me the freedom to do what i want.
    I have accepted him as he is and have never tried to change anything, the same with him. He likes to spend. I like to save.
    He is very lenient with the kids, i am very strict. he is very jovial,likes to be surrounded with people. i am little reserved, get suffocated in a crowd.

    Whether your get a friend in marriage/lose a friend in marriage is how you work on your marriage.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2007
  6. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Shanvy,

    Now I know where should I go when I am hungry at 2.00 in the morning. My reserved friend will serve some tasty food, I am sure........:tongue :tongue :tongue
     
  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi mals,
    you are welcome anytime.:2thumbsup: but dont expect a great spread.
     
  8. kanaka Raghavan

    kanaka Raghavan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear friends
    I can proudly say that I have a friend in marriage.Ours was an arranged marriage.But we hit off well.We argue and argue but after some hours it is truce.I have always so many things to tell him,a friend to lean upon .
    I suppose opposite poles attract each other.He is quiet,but I am talkative.He never gets angry,but I am quick tempered.He loves traditional food,but I love variety.He hates shopping,but I love to shop till I drop.He prefers to be away from a crowd but I love to be with people all the time.
    As someone said my husband brings people at all odd hours for food.Like you said I also never tried to change my husband.
    He is what he is and I am what I am.But we stick together and that is life,that is bliss...................
     
  9. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Kanaka,

    Sorry for the belated reply to your lovely post. If you have a friend in your spouse, you are lucky. The few differences are necessary as it adds flavour to the relationship, but, it also depends on how you handle the differences with bitter quarrels or petty arguments...

    Thank you friend..
     
  10. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    dear friends,
    ours was an arranged marriage & i was really very scared what sort of person he will turn out after being all goody goody during engagement time.i am happy to say it all was true .he still is same & yes a good friend .
    like kanak my hubby too is silent type & i am opposite but he is great listner.
     

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