Forum of the month - July 2011 - Indian Weddings

Nice choice of topic. May be it could be used to share the understanding of many elements in marriages, especially the indian brahmin marriages and the customs adopted by the different sects like vathima, vadama, brahacharanam and arthashasthram. If I am right, in the earlierdays say 15-20 years back the marriages were restricted to within the same subsect, but nowadays those restricaions have gone. however each one has their own family practices. As the girl trancends from one subsect to another the customs and requirements are learnt very slowly, i am sure this forum will be useful to those who got changed quite recently and are waiting for their turn.
indira

 

It will be interesting to know if suc-caste or other religion marriages.... on how they adopt and accomidate both the religion in the marriage. Also, I feel gone are the days, where girl was expected to leave her maiden religion and embrace the new one. These days, I see couple embracing both the customs and transfer/nurture the same to their kids as well. I see people who follow both customs and even share both the families surnames to their kids and come up with new family name (Combination of both families sur names)

 

When i got married nearly thirty years ago , i was particular that there would be no talk of dowry. I had my way. Fortunately , my in-laws shared the same view. The wedding was at Calicut , my mothers native place , attended by a total of nearly sevety five friends and relatives . But we had lunch for a hundred and fifty poor people from the roadside. It was a very satisfying affair.
My mother-in-law never once in all these years has asked me what presents i got .
All this broad minded approach has allowed me to evolve as a independent human being . Marriage is not the union of two people , but the union of two families. Every wedding expands your family , just like the birth of a child - only here many members are added.
When my daughter got married , i never felt we were giving away a daughter- i only felt we were getting another son into the family , ofcourse along with his parents and extended family. These sentiments were repeated when my son got married .
With all the children living abroad , we parents get along very well. We go for tours in India together as a group , thus strengthening our bonds and helping the children to bond too.The children know that their parents have each other to stand with them at all times , and are therefore free of many tensions .
I felt i must share my views with all of you.

 

Hi Frens,
I recently got married and it started with the bandal kaal fixing.
interesting this is the partner search.
my grandfather was the person who showed me my DH. He just started looking for my partner in association here in Chennai. Luckily within 20 days of time we found the partner. All credits to my sweet thatha oly
next thing was we bought the dresses for engagement on the day b4 the engagement day.
The traditional nalli is where they got me the engagement saree and my mom searched the town to find the readymade blouse for it.
Next they got me the corol set and a ring. My fil was very eager to select me all stuffs as they were blessed with 2 sons and no daughters. He still says am his daughter, so all items were of his choice and rare case is that we both share the same birth star and we think alike in most occasions.
Engagement went on very grand in Suryaram hall and it was such a memorable occasion in my life.
three months rolled on slowly and my swt sil was the person who gave intro of all our family members thru our regular chat.
She is my dear and vice versa.
One instant my husband said that i love my sil than him too..

the marriage days started...
august 30 was the pandal kaal naduthal function at home.
parents, grandparents and other family menbers were @ home and it started with god's grace and went on well.
noon my first glooming session started as till date i havent done any facial in my life so some herbal creams were used and finally we finished the glooming in an hour and started the mehandi.
It was awesome and tonite went to mandapam.
DAY 1:
Received the maapilai 's family with mela thaalam.. band vaathyam laam vechu romba grand ah raliway station la irundhu kootindu vandaa.
after they refreshed , we had the vratham as per our customs.
ponnu athulla thaniya and maapilaiku thaniya nadandhadhu..
for me it got over earlier and dad tied a rope ard my left wrist.
for him fil tied in right hand.
We are not allowed to take any food till it got over.
after 2 hrs we had the nichyathartham
I was dressed up in ramar blue saree with blue set and looked that pretty.
that was overtook by maroon saree that i need to change in some mins time.
I wore antique set for that.
I was looking very beautiful on that days.
he was dressed smart in formals and suit.
First half session ended well with rich lunch.
evening we had mapillai alaippu and we all had a dance with the band.
all my relatives including cousins, uncle, fil,dad and lot more danced so gracefully and made it unforgettable.
At last he danced under compulsion did some moves.
then i joined hands with my sil and his cousins and danced a bit..
When i watch these videos,i cherish it.
then we are asked to be in stage for nearly hrs together as people showered their wishes on us till 11pm.
the day ended with the buffet dinner.
DAY 2:
First started with his kasi yatra and dad will stop him saying that he ll give his daughter in marriage so need not go to kasi so he come back to Grahasthaashram is the belief.

next will be the Maalai maatral ceremony..
3 times we need to exchange garlands to each other.
The mama s around will lift us. Kinda play will take place.
Maama thool thookardhunu solvaa.
Maalai maatrinaal kothai maalai maatrinaal nu they ll sing too.

We will have unjal cermony where all family ladies viz amma,athai ,mami will give paalum pazhamum for us to drink and then they will wipe our legs too with silk after paalale kaal alambi..
gathering singing paaalale kaal alambi pattaake thudaithu.....

next will be pacha pudi where red balls and yellow balls will be placed on plates and ladies will do thristi for us.
At last in this swing the ladies will come around us with velakku ,water,kooja,etc and then will take
us to the diaz for kannikaadhanam /panigarhanam.
Full vedic hyms will enthroll and in b/w will give me the 9 yards saree.
I need to knelt before him and collect the same.
after some1 ties it for you , need to wash your leg as its the first time i wore 9 yards.(reason as said on that day) i another10- 20 mins time the mangalya dharanam will occur
then the saptha padhi walking 7 steps each step indicating a wish.
next will have putting nel pori with ghee to agni in homam that ll be performed by my brother and me and my DH will drop in fire.
after all homams we will be allowed to be greeted by handshake as its a custom that after mangalya dharanam the couple should not handshake with any1 till all customs gets over.
relatives can share among themselves.
next will be grahapravesam.
couple will go to bride s house and groom s house and we both will finally have one dress each so will have the lunch finally with the new dress.
since the madisaar and pancha kacham are madi we should not eat with that.
Finally after all customs ll have lunch.

DAY 3(Sept 3rd):
Getting back to Maapilai's house with kattu saadham.

In my case we had reception here on the next day(4th Sept).

All say that our marriage was the remarkable one in family.
My memories will never fade from this...

Thanks for giving me this place to share my memories to u all

 

Indian weddings are generally celebrated very lavishly.
Evroen though, dowry system is mostly not in common, especially inTamil
Brahmin communities, we spend much towards jewellery, silverware, textiles etc.
not to men tion about the exhorbitant rates of choultry, caering etc. Everyone wants to overdo others, and he vendors also exploit our situations.
Simple marriage with quality food is enough. The bride and groom may be presented with fixed deposits for their future welfare. This is the need of the hour.

 

Hello Chitra,....

HEARTY CONGRADULATIONS.....arty

Sooper doopper....you are one real active bee dear,....:thumbsup

 

Congrates Soniya...