Forty Seven years of Married Life!

Forty seven years of married life! That is almost about two thirds of my life so far or, for the mathematically inclined, it is 65.27778% The first few years of these were, to strike a Shakespearean note, quite tempestuous though not the kind of one that the Bard’s characters had to contend with. It was just as tempestuous as a middle class Brahmin family had to cope with. I was not a short-tempered guy but a bit hypersensitive. Words could easily get under my skin and increase the temperature of my head. And I have a voice that can enhance the effect of my feelings. I would have easily walked away with the title of ‘boss of the house’ with such embellishments but unfortunately I got married to a girl who was born and brought up in Madurai close to the Temple where the noise levels always hovered between 90 and 100 decibels. Figuratively speaking, all my shouting would fall on deaf years! You all know that it is customary to match the horoscopes of the groom and bride to see if their married life could be a successful one. The almanacs describe some thirty of them which are all highly irrelevant to the present day match making. What we need to know is whether a girl had been brought up in an extremely noisy ambience or in a sylvan surrounding of utter silence and tranquility. This is the most important factor that will ultimately determine whether your voice will be heard and respected or it will fail to make any mark.

I was telling you that I was not short tempered but very sensitive. Once my wife remarked ‘Your words are very colourful but if you also manage to put some sense into them, you will go very far’. I don’t need to tell you how stinging such words could be to a hypersensitive man. All my nerves started jutting out like Nagarguna’s in the film Ratchagan. Unfortunately I was suffering from sore throat and I could only hiss my reaction. And I hissed to her menacingly, ‘The back of my hand is on its way to your mouth’! I was grateful to Jerome K Jerome for this colourful expression and grateful to God for helping me to remember them in time. But then as usual my words fell on deaf ears. And my wife was also becoming quite a tactician. Knowing my throat’s potential to get into problems often, she always chose such occasions as when my voice touched the lowest point of its performance to get on my nerves. As a result, I started losing my voice both literally and figuratively.

By this time, my two daughters grew up to be the typical convent girls. How often they would tell me not to be silly! And I could take it all with an indulgent smile and tell them that if they thought I was being silly, they had not actually seen how silly I could be. I would further invite them to check it up with my colleagues in the Bank who would be forever ready to corroborate my words! My wife would express her surprise that the same words uttered by her a decade back made me invariably perform a Rudra Thandavam and I would tell her that the children had special privileges.

Decades have passed and my grand children have come to occupy the center stage. When the youngest of them tells me not to be stupid, I grin proudly and tell everyone about her high IQ that makes her spot stupidity in the thinking of older generation. I brag a lot about how these children outshine me in every department! I express my concurrence with Modi that our country would be a super power and a leader of the world when these children take over.

I am amazed at the transformation that has come over me in over seven decades. There was a time when the changes taking place around me were not to my liking but I had learned to keep my mouth shut. I got this wisdom, yes you guessed it right, from my peers in the club. I have observed that the old people who had problems with the family members were the ones who had no tolerance for the social changes and they gave vent to their feelings freely about it. The same little girl that often tells me not to be stupid also proclaims to the world that she has the world’s best grandpa!

 

My dear Shan, Chachi, ammulu and viji
Thanks a lot for your good wishes which we'll cherish. Though this thread talks about my married life of over four decades, my main purpose was to share with you in a light-hearted way how I weathered all the initial tempest and managed to strike a correct balance over a period of time. I gave plenty of chances for my wife to complain to my mother about me as I figured out that it would get them closer. Believe me it worked! They became the closest of pals, a friendship that lasted until my mother's death.

I had my dad on my side as he reckoned that it was man's job to be with a man in such circumstances but my dad was just as effective as Manmohan Singh in my family. Thanks to his alliance, both of us were reduced to the status of non-playing captains! When my daughters were born, it virtually became Alli Rajyam! I got back my position only on the arrival of my grand children as all of them are absolutely pro grandpa. In retrospect, I think I deserve a pat on my back for not making an issue of anything!

Thank you once again for your sweet wishes!
Sri

 

Dear Syamala
Every family will have two sides to its history; one will be thoroughly laughable and the other sobbable! (There is no such word in Queen's language but it is my own antonym for laughable!) Being a strong believer in the theory 'memory diffuses facts', I am able to recall even poignant incidents of the past with a smile on my face and mind you these incidents virtually made me a wreck when they hit me years back. At this stage of my life, I love to recall my evolution as a family man with joy and pride. Who would be interested if I tell them how I overcame my hurdles and won over my adversaries? On the contrary, a narration of the family history in a light-hearted way is bound to interest people.

I agree with you entirely that I am not very comfortable with families that conduct their conversations in hushed tones. Though the main reason is that my ears have crossed the expiry date and cannot catch any conspiratorial conversations, I am basically weary of people who have under-performing vocal chords. I told you about the noisy ambience in which my wife was brought up. The constant need to conduct her conversations at decibel levels higher than the day long film songs that kept blaring from the vicious cone loud speakers, she has developed a voice that would put street vendors to shame. As a result, she avoids secrets of all kinds knowing fully well that her voice will rob all the secrecy of these secrets! Over a period of time, my family has gained a reputation of being the most open family in our circles.

What you have stated about having to work very hard to nurture our relationship with our spouses as compared to our children and grand children is very true. I have experienced it too.And I can tell you, love is like wine. The older it gets, the more priceless it becomes!

Thank you for your good wishes Syamala. I am going to work very hard to hold on to this tag of 'World's best grandpa'. That is the Mission of my life now!
Sri