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Formal relationships

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by cuties, Jul 8, 2010.

  1. cuties

    cuties Bronze IL'ite

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    Should you visit your siblings out of formality in relationships as in just because you have been doing it or because people expect you to do it when the other party is not interested in your visit, but cannot say so out of the formality of relationships but drop subtle hints? Should you visit for occasions like b'days etc. when the same holds true there?

    Our and my bro's family have been visiting each other for occasions etc, but last couple of times when they visited, it seemed very forced that they are visiting out of formality and also last time we visited were made to feel not so welcome as I overstayed by 3-4 days as my dh was travelling and I didn't want to be alone at home. This time they asked us to come but I politely refused and made up an excuse and they never insisted. My parents are now saying they are feeling very bad that you are not going and pressurizing/emotionally blackmailing me to go. When I talked to my bro, he said probably parents took it too far and he was not feeling that bad when i told this to my parents they said he probably said that so as not to hurt you. I'm totally confused, to me it looks like my parents are feeling bad and not my bro. What should I do? Should I confront my bro about the past visits or tell my parents about it? I'm doubtful because in the past talking out things haven't worked too well but I'm fed up of pretending now. Please advice.
     
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  2. mapleleaf

    mapleleaf Silver IL'ite

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    Since you are the one facing this situation it is best to rely on your judgement based on your experience. Your parents (i am guessing live in India) are not able to see your discomfort in person, they probably are just anxious to see that both your families get along well and have a close bonding.
    Sometimes it is good to have some space between very close relationships, it will give everybody in it to miss each other and look forward that much to the next meet.
    In my opinion nobody should be forced to do anything just for the formality sake then the naturalness of the relationship dies and will only lead to misunderstanding and resentment.
    Leave the past visits alone, raking them will only lead to more discomfort amongst all of you ( your brother might simply deny your complaints as baseless), learn from those past experiences and move forward with a open mind. Be cordial to everybody and take one step at a time. Involving your parents in this matter in my opinion is totally unnecessary.
    Good luck :thumbsup
     
  3. cuties

    cuties Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you mapleleaf. So what should I tell them next time they tell me to go now that the excuse is not working out either?
     

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