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Forgiveness

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Viswamitra, Jun 28, 2020.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Vijiakka,

    Thank you for your feedback. You are right. We need to forgive and forget. In fact, forgiveness is the first step for us to forget. Only the lesson learned can be kept in our memory so that we don't face the same situation again. Every experience is a learning experience.
     
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Here is a video about forgiveness I often review to understand more about forgiveness.

     
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  3. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Shri Viswa,
    Very motivating snippet and as you said, forgiving self is the first step to the long and tough journey of forgiving others. Knowingly or otherwise, we tend to commit hurtful actions to others and always try to justify our actions. The other side, may or may not forgive but we will certainly get some peace if we realize the hurt-some actions of others.
    Again, It is easy to forgive others when we know we can hardly do anything to take a revenge. The only alternative remains is forget and call it forgive. The real test of forget and forgive when we can take still more hurtful and revengeful action.
    Our saints and sages are known for their curses when they get angry. Hundreds of stories are there. Their anger is known for life threatening 'Abhishaps'. This is because they had some supernatural powers, as a result of their sacred life, which in other words mean they were powerful enough to take revenge. In the same fashion there are powerful people today who do not know what forgiveness is.
    But we are common people and have little or no choice but to forget and forgive, for our own good, if not for anything else.
    Majboori ka naam Mahatma Gandhi. (Helplessness thy name is Mahatma Gandhi) as the phrase goes.
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Tamil phrase - Bhageeratha prayathnam ( penance of King Bharat)- comes to mind.

    King Bharat had to do long penance to wash of sins of his ancestral uncles or cousins.

    One hundred of them went in search of Ashwamedha yaga-designated horse stolen which was hidden in pathala Loka - the underworld. The horse stood by side of a hovel. A monk was inside in deep meditation got disturbed by their presence. He cursed them all and they were instantly reduced to ashes.

    Bharat met the monk - pleaded and was told by the monk to bring down the heavenly river Ganges to wash the ashes to bring them to life...Bharat prayed for long standing on his toes for many years to Goddess Ganga. She appeared and told that Her mighty force of coming down from heaven would be enormous and the ground may crack & disappear into smithereens in that gargantuan impact.

    Then again for few more years he had prayed to lord Shiva who later had reluctantly agreed to hold Ganges on his head as she pour down to Earth and then she the Ganges came fiercely but Lord managed to tie her into His matted locks. With Bharat protracted supplications, Lord Shiva had agreed to permit Ganges to flow in a micro or nano thin stream via a strand of his hair.

    Bharat then piloted the meandering river to Monk’s hovel in underground and .........
    got ashes washed off and restored all his hundred cousins. Mere anger caused mighty, monumental hardship to King Bharat .

    If only God Indira had not stolen the horse, if only the monk ibid not cursed and forgiven the one hundred sons.......

    Undivided ancient India remained & was called Bharat in Bharat continent ..

    Since inception of India , erstwhile Pakistan and divided entity - Pakistan not ready to forget and forgive. China we can’t forget and forgive. A Nation can’t forget and forgive another hostile imperialist ambitious nation(s) and her neighbourhood. It has all lead to mutual boycott of products alien to one.

    I mention about Nations because citizens constitute a Nation & a citizen is an individual and appreciate the necessity of him or her to overcome anger, forgive and forget to raise collectively so that forever “the humans” enjoy higher levels of consciousness in the comity of Nations.

    Just a story for fun and forget it and forgive me! No offence meant to any.

    Thanks and Regards.

    God - Are you in two minds about us and the novel corona - the giant dwarf killer.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2020
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Hari Sir,

    One who learns to forgive himself learn how to forgive others. The feeling of guilt is as dangerous as feeling of anger and hatred.

    It is fascinating to read your views that forgetting and forgiving might be the only option for us especially when we can not do anything to take revenge. I never thought of that angle. But when one can afford to take revenge and still forgives and forgets, he is healing even more quickly than the ones who forget and forgive because of helplessness. The objective is not to make the person who said or did something hurtful not to remain in the mind forever ruining growth and development.

    Durvasa and Viswamitra are two known saints who have cursed many due to their anger but also faced repercussions of those actions by losing their hard-earned fruits of their Tapas. But even those who cursed provided an option to find a way to come out of the curse after a certain period.

    The history says that the English Empire was constantly worried about the courage of Mahatma Gandhi and other freedom fighters before him as they couldn't stop the resistance of Indians who were solidly behind the freedom struggle.
     
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  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    For the past two days I was busy with some personal work and I had occasion to read your snippet just now. I remember I have read another snippet on forgiving'
    by Shri Viswa in 2015 and it had wide responses.My idea about forgiving has not changed much since 2015.
    I would like to post back my response dated 12 Sep 2015 once again.
    My reply as on 12 Sep 2015

    Forgiving is an interesting topic to discuss,and as usual Shri Viswa has done awesome job and has open minded discussion.

    It is not very easy to forgive and more difficult to forget the wrong doings.Normally we think of insults, hurting remarks, cheating, preparing fake documents over property issues etc.We are worried about not being invited or about remarks over dark complexion, failure in exam, delay in getting job or getting married or issue of childlessness.

    But there are more severe issues like rapes, acid attacks, murder for gain or revenge or causing irrepairable damage to life, prestige etc for a simple 'intercaste marriage'.

    It is very nice to forgive,forget and resume the relationship as though nothing has happened.But everyone needs sometime ,some space to get healed and forgiveness cannot be rushed through so easily.
    .
    Once you've had some time to sort through your emotions, you can identify what it is exactly that hurt you so much.Now it may be easy to forgive.

    But it is important to differentiate between forgiveness and trusting someone again, You may even forgive those who committed a crime against you, but still believe they should be punished.
    “The question is how much you’ve been personally harmed and what’s at stake for you in the future,” he said. “It depends, also, if we have something to gain by interacting” with the person or business again.
    .
    Under ordinary family circumstances forgiving and forgetting may not be an issue at all, because it runs round some angry remarks or physical hurts.
    But in an institution,errors of competence can definitely be forgiven and not those of character and integrity.This will set up a wrong precedence.

    Just because one feels highly relieved of tension and pressure and it gives a relief and peace of mind, processof forgiving is not recommended.
    .
    Many researchers and psychologists opine that it is wrong to assume that forgiveness is always the right answer and that someone who failed to offer forgiveness is “not a good person or a mentally healthy person.”
    “It’s a good thing and a blessed thing to forgive, but it is not an absolute universal truth. Saying that people should automatically be forgiven doesn’t do justice to different moralities and different psychologies.”

    Forgiving an offense too quickly or too readily may just paper over the offense and leave it to fester.It has become common in politics that celebrities are above human and above law.

    When one is affected by loss of precious lives and your life has been totally altered and devasted,and you have lost your whole identity --it is extremely difficult just to forgive and proceed-where--notwithstanding volumes of instructions to forgive and forget.

    On many occasions the victims are pressurised to forgive,or otherwise face worse consequences..They are banished from the family unit. So victims can lose their families, their children, and are even threatened with their souls if they can’t find a way to forgive. They are trapped once again and criminals flourish with the crimes.What law is this!

    There is no second opinion as to'forgiveness is divine' and it gives lot of comfort and solace and brings positivity in life.

    But it is our moral and social responsibility to ensure that forgiveness,though with good intention,does not nourish the bigger crime at home, office or society.Forgiveness can never be considered as having justified the mistake.

    Viswa,
    Sorry for the long response.I just shared what I felt.The karmic theory that all the mistakes and sins committed will be properly accounted for in their next lives,should not be an attributory factor for forgiving one and all.
    Then there may not be any necessity of rules of conduct and penal clauses.

    Jayasala 42
     
  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Smt. Jayasala:

    I definitely remember writing about forgiving in 2015, your response to it and my response to you. For those who have not read the previous post on "Forgiving, here is the link.

    Forgiving

    You are right about not expediting forgiving and it takes time to forgive. Forgiving is an act inside of a person and not something that could be pressurized externally. Doing so is absolutely wring as only one who is aware of the emotions attached to it is the victim. I also agree that forgiving is not about agreeing on a wrongdoing as right. It is wrong but still one forgives such an act to liberate themselves from the emotions attached to it. As I mentioned earlier, it is not for the benefit of the sinners but for the victim's benefit. I have posted a video of a woman forgiving the boy who killed her mother and brother when she was young to set herself free. It is true such a person ends up living inside the head for a long time and at some point in time, one needs to let that person go from the head.

    In my previous response to you, I had mentioned about Sonia Gandhi forgiving those who killed her husband. She didn't do it for political gain as she did it secretively and it was later leaked out to the press. A young man named Dylann Storm Roof is a young man born in 1994 who walked into a Church, joined a Bible Study, and killed the pastor and all other attendees. The family members of those who killed forgave Dylann one after another in an open court in his presence. The most impacted are the family members of those who were killed in the attack. The didn't do it for the press or because of pressure from anyone because they felt the need to do it for them to get out of pain quickly. They put into practice what they learned in a real-life situation.

    Frankly, as I mentioned earlier, forgiving those who don't matter to us easier than our own family members as we have higher expectations with them.
     
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    @jayasala42
    Stupendous memory.
    Forgiving needs certain passage of time in many cases. In cinemas movies it happens at the eleventh hour!

    Nirbhaya type men needs no forgiveness. In fact revenge instant justice is appreciated by one and all.

    Thanks & Regards.
     
  9. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you. No doubt there is a lot of relief in the mind of the forgiver and he will have mental comfort to proceed with other activities. But this should not become an encouragement to the criminal.This relief should not stand as an impediment to law taking its natural course of justice. Many murderers have been pardoned or left free whatever be the actual reason behind it.Everyone knows that the lost life could not be revived and there is absolutely no use of taking action.But pardoning in each case is a venom that may spread like wild fire ,though it might have yielded some seeming solace to the aggrieved person. All crimes cannot form a solid base for spiritual development of the society at a large.
    I feel that we stand parallel in our views.Let me stop here.
    jayasala42
     
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  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    We are not only miles apart in our views and I believe we are not communicating well either. I am talking about forgiving internally to free the victim or victim’s family from pain and you are talking about pardoning the criminals. I believe criminal actions neither need to be pardoned nor it should be justified.

    Let me stop here as well.
     
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