Forget Detachment, Attach.

HariLakhera · Sep 29, 2024

Forget Detachment, attach.

Buddha preached cessation of all desires to rid the world of suffering and died of pork poisoning. In simple words, Buddha could not detach from his liking for pork.

If he could not achieve the ideal of complete detachment or non-attachment, we can only dream of it and never be sure if we have succeeded.

The question, therefore, arises why even think and try for it? Why not enjoy life eat drink and be merry? Why not love your children and grandchildren, and be attached to them till the end?

joylokhi · Sep 29, 2024

@HariLakhera , interesting thought and question , that would invariably have come up to any normal person getting on in age, I mean, seniors . Now, to answer your question, my thoughts on the same:
What is advocated by most teachers of spirituality, is that a Grihastha is not expected to have completed detachment, as he has to carry on his duties. However, there can and should be Detachment in attachment. Sounds paradoxical, but it can be practiced for ones own good. Too much attachment can lead to suffering, especially when it is not reciprocated! When we cling too much to relationships , disappointments, fear of losing them inevitably arises, leading to more frustrations and loss of peace.

For me, which I am trying to practice in real life, ( I am 70 yrs ) Detachment does not mean disengagement from life. I am fully engaged in my family consising of spouse and children/grandchildren. However, I aim to not be involved too much in their day to day activities, unless specifically requested, asked for. I think when we are not over involved with relationships, we can appreciate them for what they are better, than trying to control them or use them for our own fulfilment. Through this, i have more time to pursue my interests in spirituality by engaging in a lot of reading/chanting of prayers/ visiting temples etc.

HariLakhera · Sep 30, 2024

joylokhi said: ↑

@HariLakhera , interesting thought and question , that would invariably have come up to any normal person getting on in age, I mean, seniors . Now, to answer your question, my thoughts on the same:
What is advocated by most teachers of spirituality, is that a Grihastha is not expected to have completed detachment, as he has to carry on his duties. However, there can and should be Detachment in attachment. Sounds paradoxical, but it can be practiced for ones own good. Too much attachment can lead to suffering, especially when it is not reciprocated! When we cling too much to relationships , disappointments, fear of losing them inevitably arises, leading to more frustrations and loss of peace.

For me, which I am trying to practice in real life, ( I am 70 yrs ) Detachment does not mean disengagement from life. I am fully engaged in my family consising of spouse and children/grandchildren. However, I aim to not be involved too much in their day to day activities, unless specifically requested, asked for. I think when we are not over involved with relationships, we can appreciate them for what they are better, than trying to control them or use them for our own fulfilment. Through this, i have more time to pursue my interests in spirituality by engaging in a lot of reading/chanting of prayers/ visiting temples etc.
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Complete detachment is not possible at any stage in life. During the Diwali festival, we try to clear our cupboards and almirahs of things we no longer need and what happens is we dust them off and keep them back. Each of them has a story to tell and we want to be reminded of those memories. I do not know what to name it-attachment.

At my age, I find all our problems arise from our expectations from others, more so from our children and grandchildren, forgetting at the same time that they too have some expectations from us- mind your own business, your time is over. This, however, does not mean, we do not need them or they do not need us.

My simple point is -do not give too much weight to "detachment". Enjoy every minute by doing what you like as long as it does not affect others adversely.