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Fomo...is This Common?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, May 19, 2022.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't know if it is mid life crisis.I do not know if is age..just wanted to know if it is common..

    I have acquaintances whom I meet during a walk or some function few times a year and that's all.basic talk with other parents when I meet them.I realized I do not have friends anymore!

    Back in school or college..we have the "proximity".easier to meet many people and find someone of our wavelength.plus it is fun back in our place where we go out even for a chaat and chai..just random chit chat in a coffee day.fun times!

    I am actually okay being on my own but I feel the "FOMO-Fear of missing out".It seems like everyone is having fun, dressing up, making friends and enjoying.I feel like am missing out something major in life.Is something wrong if I cannot make or keep friends..something like that.

    I tried making friends which some hubby friend's wives..but two left to India for good and one left was so rude that it makes no sense to even be around her.

    Firstly..it takes enormous effort and mental energy for me to make new friends after 40.I tried calling people..they respond and speak well but never seem to call back.All seem so busy.

    Even to go to neighbors house and them coming, inviting to dinners ,seeing if we gel a bit and then going out..wow seems like a lot of effort for someone like me.It feels unnatural..I feel relationships should be natural and organic.In abroad..already it is robotic and making an effort for stuff which should be organic seems off ..atleast for me.

    I was doing so good not seeing fb but today saw pics of women with their girL gang, gorgeous outfits, lovely smiles, just being friends.I feel like am missing out on something which is supposed to be a part in everyones life.I sometimes feel like a misfit in this society coz i do not have any friends..

    Also..am a lot at home.It is not like I hate going out but in all honesty I find abroad life monotonous and boring.I order in grub hub mostly and same 5 restaurants around and hubby do not want to go far for a dinner.

    My cousin has like am not kidding..too many friends and hate to say this..It makes the FOMO even bigger.Is it a must to have friends?

    I have acquaintances as I said but i dont have the mental energy to make or keep friends..especially when I feel independent alone.However..its just that sometimes I feel like am doing something different..

    Anyways..I hope am not the only person who lives on her own in this country..also I deactivated fb.May not be the permanent solution but atleast a break:)
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2022
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Is FOMO common? Very common.

    Sometimes I am at Costco, will look at some clothes for me or family, will shake my head, put it away, find my cart and start to walk away. Then, I see another woman putting that item in her cart. Cue FOMO.. am I missing out a good brand, dress, color...? : ) I steer the cart back to the

    Someone posts in FB about waterfalls that are gushing right now and will dry up soon... Cue FOMO... : ) I go running to Google Maps.

    I told a wise person about FOMO once. Wise person didn't know the term. I explained it from the web:
    "the uneasy and sometimes all-consuming feeling that you’re missing out — that your peers are doing, in the know about, or in possession of more or something better than you."​

    Wise person rolled their eyes at this latest acronym buzz word and dispensed this wisdom to me: If you can't get over a FOMO in 2 minutes, 2 hours or maximum 2 weeks, you need to get a life. :grinning: Costco jao. :grinning:

    For once, I agreed with the wise person.
     
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  3. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    @anika987 ,

    A friend in a group chat had shared this sometime ago. it is also put up in my classroom. And i talk with my students...
    upload_2022-5-19_5-35-52.png
    Some thing to be said about finding joy where we are!

    upload_2022-5-19_5-37-41.png

    Embrace you!!
     
  4. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @anika987

    I have never felt FOMO, infact came to know the full form during lockdown.. I am different and unique so are others and this applies to the choices, decisions and upbringing, so maybe i havent felt this FOMO.....

    Everyday i am still learning and unlearning a lot about myself.

    Smiles
    Nandini
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    This is cute!:)
     
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Can you explain what you mean by natural and organic? You’ve used this term multiple times and I’m trying to understand what it means.

    I do put in a lot of effort to maintain my friendships. I've never personally felt it to be too much work. I derive so much from these small efforts at personal connections that I don’t feel a negative association with the effort that goes into it. I also don’t think it will be the way it is, if I don’t put in the effort to call/organize a lunch date or something similar.

    At our age, friendships do take effort. I’m not sure it will be as it was during our college days. That doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can choose to be your own company and that’s great too. I’m not sure about the kind of friendships you are mentioning. I don’t know if I’m understanding your POV. Do let me know if I’ve misunderstood.

    I’m responding because I’ve been asked this question by many people. Where do you get the energy from to maintain so many friendships? My answer is simple. I need it for me. I’m the kind of person that derives energy from others. I love to hear about others lives and talk to them. I love to get outside my own bubble and just feel like a part of some community.
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I read this on NPR and thought of you!

    It’s an article and a talk on how to overcome FOMO!

    Seems like we are wired to be a part of a group and our survival depended on it. It’s fascinating to know how we still respond to stimuli based on what has evolutionarily been programmed into the recess of our minds.
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have a couple of friends in my neighborhood.they are easy to be around and no drama.cool types. For eg: we never made any effort to be in touch but for some strange reason there was a “vibe“. It felt positive and healthy to be around them.I felt drawn to them and on and of giving food which I made for them or calling them came naturally.It never felt like I had to do the work to call them.that is what I meant a organic.

    Many others I call and call..or invite but it is only me doing the work and it felt mentally tiring.I never expect them to call back usually but after a decade..is this kind of so call friendship worth the time and energy? Nah.

    Plus yeah I agree I am not the person who derives energy from others.Usually happy to be on my own but sometimes feels like if it is fine to happy on my own and this fomo kicks in..if an doing the right thing sort of.just something I need to work on and I am going to.
     
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  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    So you do have friends. Even one friend is enough to feel like we have a connection to someone. As long as you have that close friend(s), all is well.
     
  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes I too feel the same with friends
    We should be able to connect emotionally with them.
    But relationships within extended families are different,. We have to keep up with pretending to like them for various reasons
     
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