1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Following Untouchability? Here I am....Ancient Experiences in Modern Times

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by drnamshara, Sep 10, 2014.

Page 21 of 23
  1. Dec 17, 2014 #201
    shari2003

    shari2003 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    355
    Likes Received:
    242
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Isn't all these atrocious? Why do we women give into all this? Has anyone tried revolting/ rebelling? What would happen if one says she cannot go through all this, and would not???

    I have not had any of these tortures anytime in life.. except when MIL asked me to sleep on the floor.. But, hubby was very accommodating and asked me to sleep on the bed with him after we closed the door to our room (within 1-2 weeks of marriage). After that we stayed separate.. so... I have never told her when we visit native even if I had my days then. She was only too anxious all the while to knw if I got them that month... in anticipation of whether I am pregnant or not...

    If ever MIL or my family had put these restrictions on me, I would have revolted.... I do avoid pooja stuff and temple visits, though. And.. dont touch DH/ others after their bath if they plan to go to temple on one of those days...
     
    shari2003, Dec 17, 2014
    shari2003, Dec 17, 2014
    #201
    1 person likes this.
  2. Dec 17, 2014 #202
    Monjolika

    Monjolika Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    @Chillbreeze,

    Much as i want to do that, my husband is a very loving person. He feels that this should be followed out of respect to his parents.

    Yeah.. stomaching hotel food 3 times a day for 4 days is little too much. But then i catch up on my beauty parlour visits, beauty sleep, reading during these days. And if i am in the mood, i make additional demands. (Devil me.... :crazy)

    The issue is trivial i feel compared to the love and affection showered by my husband.
     
    Monjolika, Dec 17, 2014
    Monjolika, Dec 17, 2014
    #202
    1 person likes this.
  3. Dec 17, 2014 #203
    SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,955
    Likes Received:
    11,421
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    I believe such issues are really trivial for the people who are facing them. Else they would find a means and motive to rebel against it. Either they too wholeheartedly believe and follow the practice or accept for the sake of winning their husband's heart. Moreover, some people take it positively as they can demand, or use the break for additional sleep and rest.

    Moreover women's rights has become an issue in this part of the world only because of some women's selfishness related to it.

    I mean, I value for my dignity and respect more than anything on this earth. Good food, sound sleep and some additional affection only comes after that. But against it is just me.
     
    SGBV, Dec 17, 2014
    SGBV, Dec 17, 2014
    #203
    7 people like this.
  4. Dec 17, 2014 #204
    beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    737
    Likes Received:
    692
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Most of the time, i second your views and end up not posting as you'd already done that:exactly:

    BTW, i'm also a management consultant like you (pardon me if i'm wrong, your many posts mentioned that)
     
    beingloved, Dec 17, 2014
    beingloved, Dec 17, 2014
    #204
  5. Dec 17, 2014 #205
    Monjolika

    Monjolika Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi All,

    I have to follow all these only at my inlaws place. But then see if i fight saying i will not follow these rules, it causes too much disruption at the domestic front. I initially found all these rules very upsetting and irritating.

    But in a few months i started taking all these in a positive manner and started using this rest time for myself.. reading, sleep, loads of rest. They want to do all the work and leave you in rest. Yeah.. it is still difficult to see DH do all work. But if that is what he wants, so be it. :boo:
     
    Monjolika, Dec 17, 2014
    Monjolika, Dec 17, 2014
    #205
    1 person likes this.
  6. Dec 17, 2014 #206
    chillbreeze

    chillbreeze Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,962
    Likes Received:
    2,743
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Hmm I finally get what you and SGBV say. I guess its each of our choices. Personally, I side with SGBV though.
     
    chillbreeze, Dec 17, 2014
    chillbreeze, Dec 17, 2014
    #206
    2 people like this.
  7. Dec 17, 2014 #207
    chillbreeze

    chillbreeze Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,962
    Likes Received:
    2,743
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Monojolika, I get what you are saying. But I feel we should be able to take rest when we want to regardless of others' opinion on it. I don't follow these rules but I do wake up late or say I can't cook if I don't feel upto it. Only DH will know the real reason. To pils, I just tell I am busy with work. At the same time, if I want to cook something for myself, I can do it. The choice here is mine. To each her own...
     
    chillbreeze, Dec 17, 2014
    chillbreeze, Dec 17, 2014
    #207
  8. Dec 21, 2014 #208
    drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    284
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all....its 3 months since i brought up this topic...and now again.....I am lost!
    No solution!

    @Shari...Yes i have tried rebelling and revolting...Only in vain!!

    After gaining enough courage thru' IL in the month of Sept, I kept lying about my dates and coincided them with home town visits or conferences outstation etc etc
    This continued for 3 months...
    Meanwhile me and DH enrolled for Marital Enrichment program...one of my main issue was following the untouchability crap and all the practical difficulties that comes along!

    As MANJOLIKA mentioned she had to skip work as DH was not around, similarly, if I reach home early before DH, and if I am thirsty or hungry, till DH comes I have to wait!!!...all these any many more where the difficulties i expressed...apart from the I dont want to follow, assertions..

    When the counsellor made DH respond, he said he too dosnt believe and has no clue why one has to follow. Only because his parents are god-fearing and have been following since ages, and coz his dad does RUDRA ABHISHEK everyday, he dosnt want to even subconsciouly hurt his parents, hence he wants me to follow even though we dont stay with them anymore.
    And by no means he wants me to feel that he is treating me like an untouchable. He is by and large doing it helplessly he said. Also mentioned that he will take extra care of me during those days from now on...and make sure I dont have practical troubles like I mentioned.

    This month I had no convenient lying option. I had to tell. But as the weather is too cold and I could'nt sleep on mat along with the heavy flow, I silently waited for periods to end, kept mum, and then on my 4th day I lied to him that I may get that night.
    Instantaneously he got down the sleeping bag from the loft, removed all the cloths on the wall hanger behind the door and made space for me in the corner incase I get it mid-night!!

    I was irritated and asked him WHY!!!! He said you will touch the door and door will touch the cloths!!! I WAS LIKE HERE WE GO AGAINNNNN!!!!

    I expressed my irk to which he angrily said: "I will end up in suicide if you start your logic business again".

    I was so hurt!!!

    Expressed it to mom who said, you have severed ties with in-laws, dont end up loosing your husband now who has been so protective all thru. For his sacrifices, 3 nights is no big deal on your part. You are an independant girl. Plan well the week in advance. And even opt for eating out. Dont trouble him.
    Moreover, 30 years his mind is tuned to accept, not question, and follow these practices. You cant expect to change him right away. Give it time she said.

    Fact of losing him I suppressed my irritations and surrendered.
    Feeling like a looser!
     
    drnamshara, Dec 21, 2014
    drnamshara, Dec 21, 2014
    #208
  9. Dec 21, 2014 #209
    drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    284
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    And for the future, I have decided to conceive soon and temporarily keep away from bull****.
    And may be later threaten him of undergoing hysterectomy if he wants me to resume to follow after I have a kid!

    Meanwhile I have decided to swallow my guilt, and fake many -no-periods- month or PCOD symptoms! Plenty medical reasons!

    I HAVE A WEAK MIND ISSUE, When ever I have any stressful situations:

    During our engagement days DH had once mentioned to me that if I touch him during those days, I will be ending up hurt in one or the other way physically or mentally! I had snubbed it and laughed at it back then.

    Now my weak mind puts one and one together!

    >Back at Inlaws place, each time I hid and lied to DH, there would be immediate major fights with MIL for some or the other lame reasons-COINCIDENTALLY.

    >JULY- I lied- I ended up leaving In-laws home after the pretty big painful fight-COINCIDENTALLY.

    >AUG-I lied, FIL fell ill-just missed getting into Coma-I was under stress to go back to that house for courtesy-COINCIDENTALLY

    >Sept I lied- My DAD ended up in ICU-COINCIDENTALLY.

    >Oct I lied- DH met with an accident- COINCIDENTALLY.

    >Nov I lied- I had great troubles with my boss at work- COINCIDENTALLY.

    >Dec I am lying- Very very important urgently required documents and certificates missing- COINCIDENTALLY.

    Rationality
    VS
    Belief in Higher powers and Vibrations!!

    An orthodox traditional South Indian Background at home
    VS
    Complementary Medicine and scientific practice principles at work!

    I feel confused. Weak. Guilty. and of course Insane!! And ashamed at my thoughts!!!!!!!
    At cross roads........ ​
     
    drnamshara, Dec 21, 2014
    drnamshara, Dec 21, 2014
    #209
  10. Dec 21, 2014 #210
    docathome

    docathome Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    378
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Its quite sad to see that despite all the education and exposure we now have even well educated women find it so difficult to break free from outdated repressive traditions. But its the truth. U find this issue difficult to stand up to n others have other issues.. I'm terrified to rejoin my high stress workplace despite being well qualified as I just don't want to deal with the double standards ppl have with regards to mothers with small children at the workplace..anyways i hope both of us develop enough confidence to face our fears..
     
    docathome, Dec 21, 2014
    docathome, Dec 21, 2014
    #210
    1 person likes this.
Page 21 of 23

Share This Page