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Floral Design -- Oj's Witless Brevity 2

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by ojaantrik, Jun 9, 2016.

  1. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    The two of them came out of the Coffee Shop on the other side of the street as the two of us were emerging out of the car intending to try out the joint.

    I would not have noticed them had she not stared back at me with a frown, before turning around and walking away with him. Or was it the eyeliner she used that drew my attention? He didn't need to look at me. Or else, he would need to wave. He had known me ever since I was born. She was around forty-five perhaps? Smartly dressed in black trousers and a top with a colourful floral design. Didn't take in her footwear.

    "Look!" said the other she to me. "Don't," said I instinctively, helping her to cross the street and enter the Coffee Shop.

    He had been a university topper all through his student life. He met his future wife at college. Tall, fair, beautiful. Talk of the college. Handsome, successful young man. Smart, beautiful girl friend. Only son of a well-off father.

    The first tragedy struck when his mother sustained a cerebral stroke, paralyzing her right side and destroying her speech for the rest of her life. The only words she spoke were -- "kokon aache". No one knew what they meant.

    And then one early morning, the old father expired. He was heart-broken by the sight of his wife's incurable paralytic state. He had been an angina patient as well. He had a heart problem too many.

    They got married. They had a child. The child grew up, the paralytic mother died several years later. Tragedy struck again. She developed a debilitating form of arthritis. The handsome tall woman shrunk and grew small in size. She couldn't move her limbs, walked with help, painfully bending forward. He cared for her. Never ate non-vegetarian food at home, she being vegetarian. Did everything that a woman would not let others do for her. Ended up his daily morning chores combing her thinning hair. Then left for the college where he taught.

    Life moved on. Ailing mother taken care of, ailing wife's routine suffering. His bright academic career ruined. No one heard him complain. A daughter in law arrived one day, chosen by the wife. Happy, smiling, friendly. Then came a grandson.

    Life was not totally unfriendly, that's rarely the case.

    Smartly dressed woman in black trousers and a top with a colourful floral design. They had walked away, but she had briefly summed me up. Alerted perhaps?

    No story is ever complete.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2016
    Lathasv, jskls, shyamala1234 and 2 others like this.
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Loved the description OJ-da. Am only lost at the end ..... or rather, am not sure what I have understood is what is meant.
     
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  3. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for reading Satchi. As for the end, the reader has the right to imagination!! :blush: This is a new form I am trying out. I hope I will improve over time.

    oj-da
     
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  4. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank God, Satchi.

    I had read and re read everything, but was lost at the end, and was wondering what I am missing here or maybe I am naive to understand and I was waiting for some one to give me a clue to the puzzle.

    Now I have another one who has been confused at the end like me.

    OJ Sir, wonderful narration and writing as usual.
     
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  5. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear vaidehi71,

    As I told Satchi, and I guess I said as much in the post itself, we rarely know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Perhaps such a thing doesn't exist. But let me give you a hint. I think it's a story about a man with two lives. One part is visible to the public. The other one is intensely personal. You need to read such stories the way you read haiku.

    oj

     
  6. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Sir,

    I did suspect that, but I wasn't sure enough. I caught your clue and I had that hunch as well.
     
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  7. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you vaidehi71. I really appreciate this.

    oj

     
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  8. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OJ sir,
    Narration is excellent but the last part, like others didn't understand. I thought let some others write Fbs, then I may understand. Seems I have company.
    Yes, life is not always unfriendly, some bright things happen and some sad. It is a cocktail.
    I agree that everyone has two lives...one the world views and one something else. That's why we put on a mask many times. Rarely it slips.
    Syamala
     
  9. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear OJ
    I see that you are making excellent progress in your witless brevity or should I say Witty Brevity. You will eventually explore brevity in all its ramifications and find the very essence of it. But you will never succeed in being 'witless'. You are born with it and getting rid of it is well-nigh impossible.

    This story reminds me of the Johary Window:
    [​IMG]

    As far as I am concerned, it is the 3rd square that bothers me always. God knows what others know about us and yet we move around with no knowledge about it!
    Sri
     
  10. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear shyamala1234,

    I am getting intensely attracted by this new form. I am reading up writers who have found success with the form. I have always liked haiku. Now I have found the prose version so to speak. I am enjoying it. I think, if I keep writing, I will improve. A brand new toy to play with.

    oj

     
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