Flirting In Office..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Nov 1, 2022.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I posted a thread sometime back about ogling in office but now it has leveled up..

    I thought everyone is sweet and nice and in a way they are but soon I realized everyone gossips about everyone! And the men in the pretext of being funny is quite flirtatious.

    I always used to work at back office or in jobs where am mostly into phone calls or on my own but here I need to interact and it is very hard when anything I say..they convert it differently.

    I also portray as though am a serious and a very boring type so that they will leave me alone but I got asked for going out etc..

    I also mentioned about my kid and hubby and am a serious person but they don’t seem to care!

    The women also laugh it off..

    I don’t know if the above is normal but I find it quite toxic..am managing a bit but I find it emotionally stressful.

    I don’t know what to do..it is very cringe at my age personally when men flirt knowing very well that am married and a mother.

    Is it normal ? How do other women manage this?
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2022
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    This is not at all normal, Anika. It is extremely inappropriate. If the entire workplace culture is like this then I would be looking to leave. An place of business should not resemble a frat house.
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    When I mean flirting..one guy asked me “ why u married arranged? U r beautiful and should have had love marriage”..

    And another time when I said I have lot of work at home and kids etc..he meant in a funny way” Are the kids your husband’s? Then he should take care of them”..

    Another guy found my chain in the cafeteria and told me” It’s my souvenir and my heart skipped a beat”..

    Are the above normal? Is this a friendly banter?
    Personally found it cringe but then when other women even the ones way older laugh it off makes me doubt that am too sensitive..am confused..

    these guys when it comes to work they also do good and serious work but I feel uneasy like the above comments?
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2022
  4. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't know if these people are Indians or non-Indians. Most non-Indians might have heard of arranged marriage and they do want to know why someone would marry without dating. I am not sure about the "love marriage" part of this comment esp. if this is from a Western. They don't have love-marriage concept since most marriages here are after love.

    I would just say- they are my and my husband's kids and we both take care of them.

    This would be crossing the line for me. I would be stern and tell them to shut up!

    If you feel uncomfortable in this office, better find a new job or take it to HR.
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    They are all Indian men nuss..born and brought up in India..
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2022
  6. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    Definitely not normal..
    I have never seen any indian guys do this in work env.
    Forgot about married, even for unmarried girls also, they usually dont talk like this..
    something not right with the guys..
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Listen to your instincts. You are feeling uncomfortable. Other people in your office are just brushing off this behavior. I don’t know if your company has a HR department, but even if they do HR’s main role is to protect the company no matter how much lip service they offer to the contrary.
    I know you tried hard to find this job but I would use this work experience to start looking for a better place.
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Actually the old job assignment got over and this job is new..

    How do I quit so early..and they have been training a lot too..what reasons do I give..

    this is all new to me..please help guys thanks
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Looking at what you have mentioned above, I would say this place is not for you.
    Not because you are over sensitive, or uncomfortable.... but the people are way too much intruding to personal space, and feel so connected owing to their/your Indian origin and I think you are not ok with this.

    I have worked in different atmosphere. With Indians, with Asians and with mixed cultures.
    When you are with people of your country of origin, you tend to be more friendly and a connection forms naturally. This is not the case when you are working with multi-nationals.

    The first two comments seems "normal" for me assuming it is an all Indian set up. People do discuss about arranged marriages, and make fun of their choice of marriage. Though it is inappropriate in an office environment, sometimes the staff get too comfortable with each other and consider their office as a second home.
    I wouldn't make a big fuss of this kind of talks. If I were you, I would rather crack a joke, or leave the conversation depending on my mood.

    The second comment about "are the kids your husband"? speaks more volume about sharing household chores in a family we create together with our spouse, rather than questioning the paternity of the kid.
    If the intention was the former, I would be honest and say what is the practice at my home and justify the decision.
    Eg: I go home early, and my kids are too young. So I cook dinner as soon as I reach home rather than waiting for my H to come & share the kitchen with me. However, he runs other errands and overall we share the responsibilities.

    But, if the intention was latter, I would stop them and be blunt about what I think

    The third comment is of course unwanted and not appropriate. If I were you, I would just stop him, and warn him not to take advantage of my silence.

    Overall, others behavior should not control your decision to stay or leave this job. But, your convenient matters. If you are unable to control what is around you, and unable to accept the same, then better find a place that suits you well.
     
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  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    A very short stint at a job is not a problem. You don’t even have to mention it on the CV. Your first loyalty is to yourself, not your company. Keep looking and switch when you find another offer. You can just give a generic reason.
     

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