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First Period

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by EagerForInfo, Oct 5, 2022.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Hello

    My daughter got her first period 6 weeks before her 11th birthday just recently.
    She did not tell us !! It was only when we saw blood stains on the second day that we knew and even after asking her repeatedly she would not tell us. !
    I feel bad.
    Does she not even feel close enough to tell us such things even in this situation??

    Can everyone share their experiences. I noticed she was showing bodily changes that I had At age 13 when I got periods. So was scared and I gave her a pad to use at school just in case this happens and kept it in her bag . I did not tell her to tell me though ( thought it was implied ). She used same pad whole day and it leaked on second day which is when we knew.

    I feel like I have failed as a mother. Can she not even tell us such a big thing !! I mean first period is a huuuge thing. One would be scared. And tell at least mom.

    Please share ur experiences..
     
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  2. swarnamary

    swarnamary Silver IL'ite

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    It sound sad that she didnt come to talk to you now, maybe she saw you going thru difficult times during your period maybe she dont want to bother you more by telling or talking to you about her own. so open up before her and talk to her about this topic make her feel comfortable to come and talk to you if there is a need.
    if there is no uniform for the school then try to buy her dark color clothings (blue,black,multicolor) to use it during those 3 days which might be helpful and also other thing she can wear the leggings under to prevent from leaking.
    she can have a pair of underclothes and things she might need in backpack just in case she need to change whole things at school...

    first period and diet to follow are big issues for us but not for these days generations so they might feel there is no need to talk about this but we have to make them understand we do like to know, and also as a mother of girl i guess its our responsiblity to keep checking on them when they come to certain age, thatswhat i think.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    From my archive i found some useful material here.



    upload_2022-10-6_0-1-28.jpeg
    upload_2022-10-6_0-5-13.jpeg
    upload_2022-10-6_0-7-50.jpeg
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2022
  4. hrastro

    hrastro Finest Post Winner

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    Please dont take it the wrong way, but by the number of posts you have about periods on IL itself, maybe your family has become uncomfortable and resistant about it from your struggles...
    Not to take away your pain or struggle, but if she is seeing you as someone not able to handle your own body, how can she trust you for hers, so she probably didnt want to disturb you....

    You need to really stop your negativity around your periods and make it a healthy discussion otherwise you are on the way to lose trust of your precious daughter..

    Reg how you could help her, you have several detailed responses in your other threads about period panties, period wear etc

    Apart from that, keep a phone app or a calendar about her dates - this will help you monitor her cycles and have enough data to talk to any doctor if necessary - most apps have place to add your mood, pain and flow levels - she can understand and predict and prepare accordingly once she knows her usual cycle ... Usually, it will be unpredictable in the initial months.... So expect the unexpected!

    Teach her to be prepared always... talk about recyclable products or reusable ones too...

    Identify one wise older woman (any relative or friend or doctor you trust) and encourage her to confide in case she thinks she cannot come to you, at least she has someone who can solve her problem (like she didnt change for the entire day) - dont demand that she should come only to you - she will only get more defensive....

    If she likes reading, check out some books for adolescent girls. Else share an info video you think she can understand.

    Improve your rapport with her by talking, doing fun stuff and sharing a few laughs... Gain her trust slowly without negativity!

    Wish your daughter the very best!
    HR
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP

    Generally speaking, it is important to have healthy discussion about bodily changes with children as they grow. These days girls attain menarche around 10 years, so it is important to prepare them for at least a year or so.
    Our culture and certain religious practices around period have frightened us as if it is something impure and cause extreme difficulties. In fact, it is not the case.
    In fact, puberty is a sign of growth and it is taking our children to the next stage of their life. It is a matter of celebration and girl kids love it. They will be given special food, special attention during the time, and special gifts from relatives.
    In Sri Lanka, we do a grand saree function for girl kids after their first period and that's when little girls are allowed to use make up and certain jewelries. They really like it.
    In fact, this is to make them feel comfortable about this major bodily change happening in their life.

    Puberty also comes with certain responsibilities in terms of hygiene, and self care. Plus a lot regarding emotional and hormonal changes. So, as adults it is important to keep an eye on our children and their changes and be avail ourselves for any kind of discussions around this. Of course with a very positive tone, so that our young children don't get scared about puberty.
    There are educational videos that are child friendly, and it is always better to teach them to prepare them mentally for the change.

    Unfortunately your health condition has made you develop a phobia for periods, and your recurrent threads in IL shows how much it has affected you, not just physically but mentally as well.

    We are the mirrors for our children, and they see the world through us. Your DD perhaps understood period through you; hence chances are very high that she too hates the same or may be have already developed a phobia for periods.

    First of all, you must help yourself before helping others.

    Consult a gynecologist first, and seek medication for your period problems.
    If pills do not work, look for alternative treatments at your earliest. I had my hysterotomy a few months before at 40. It was a huge step, and the post recovery period was difficult. But here I am, 5 months after the surgery, leading a pretty much normal life again. Trust your doctor, if not, go for second opinion. But get rid of this problem at your earliest.

    Secondly stay open minded when it comes to practicing certain rituals around period.
    Our ancestors had a valid reason for period related untouchability back then. It was due to lack of bathing facilities, lack of sanitary pads, lack of awareness around periods etc..etc... So, they considered period to be impure and practiced certain type of life style around it.

    You have come a very long way from that era and physically living in a first world country with all the facilities around. Period should be just another happening in life, and we should be able to pass those 3-4 days as usual.
    So, consider visiting a therapist to take away all your trauma and fears around period, including the age long practice of considering it as impure and unwanted.

    When you are confident enough to handle your period, your child who follows you will also feel comfortable about hers.
     
  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Even in those days such things had happened.It was
    the year 1939.My eldest sister
    was just 13 when she got married.It was a four day marriage.Hundreds of relatives had assembled on the morning of Janavasaasam. Around noon my sister fely uneasy.My mother
    found out that the daughter is having her first period.She took her separately and dressed her up with layers of cloth.
    In those days sanitary pads were unknown. My mother sent a note in Tamil to a tailor, asked to stitch 8 undergarments with high quality
    poplin red coloured cloth with bottom fully packed with cotton just as for bedding.The dress came within two hours.As it was heavily packed with cotton, no leakage occurred.
    If the news spreads the marriage will be stopped.My Amma took a bold decision.She didn't inform even her mother-in-law.
    She had some inner fear whether religious rituals could be done while there is menstruation. Nobody could be consulted because of gossip. She kept silent.Compromised herself that such thing may happen at any time during wedding.My mother herself helped her to wear madisar saying that the girl felt delicate.
    It was a great burden on Amma and my sister.
    Everything ended well. No problem. Nobody doubted. That sister
    passed away last month at the age of 97.I was not even born then.
    Afterwards Amma revealed to everybody.The second period she had after 8 months only. Things had settled by then.My Amma was very bold.She could take so many decisions at crisis.Even educated
    women might hesitate to take such decisions.
    If the marriage had been stopped, lot of money would have been wasted.After knowing this, everybody appreciated Amma
    and did not talk of transgressing the AACHARA limits.
    My sister's life was a happy one.She had two sons and three daughters.My brother-in-law also lived for 95 years.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks to madam sister @jayasala42 for sharing this anecdote of boldness and discreet. The world owes its existence to such right timely actions taken by bold mothers.
    Regards.
     
    Rihana and KashmirFlower like this.
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Such a heartwarming and powerful narration. Thank you for sharing, Ma'am. One can only imagine the decisiveness, courage and confidence required to take that course of action, with no guarantee of a positive outcome, and a huge risk of things going awry that day or in the future. Very bold indeed. I found myself blessing the tailor too, though he must be long gone.

    Some posts make me wish I could nominate them for FP. This is one such. It reminded me of some ladies from my relatives, some I knew only as grandmother or vaguely as a great-grandmother when I was still in around KG age.
     
  9. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Silver IL'ite

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    OP, I dont know where you live, but most schools these days cover the topic of period. My friends was trying to tell her 12 year old daughter what to expect. And the little girl retorts back - "Mom I know what a period is. my friends have period. I know I have to keep a sanitary pad ready. They teach these in school". I was suprised, pleasantly that they teach this is school. This was in USA>
    Maybe your daughter thought she knew what to do and that it is not a big deal. That might be why she didnt "reveal" it to you. Kids might not have really the right decision making skills. She might have come to you 2nd or 3rd day anyway when it was going out of her hands and realised it WAS a "big deal".
    Maybe now is the time to let you in on her "decisions". Big or small to tell you and share with you. That nothing is too big and nothing is too small.
    Congratulations to you. You are a mom to a big girl now ! :)
     
  10. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    And by the way I have never ever told my daughter about my periods or the pain I go through when I have them. I just tell her I feel sleepy today and sleep. There is no way my period phobia could have affected her. I generally don’t let anyone know when I’m on my period. It is a hush hush affair even till now and even my husband doesn’t know.
     

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