First Grader Tantrums

Dear Jas
I can completely understand your situation. As I am a lone parent too who guides my child. I don't have a second child, yet. I can completely understand how hard it must be for you to juggle everything with 0 help.

First, get rid of the unnecessary TV. or at least make an attempt to hide remote or disconnect cable apart from the main one.
Second It looks like your daughter is avoiding you. Just take her out and pay attention to just her without her sibling.
Third- try to talk to her, without lecturing/getting frustrated. Choose your battles very wisely. Don't express anger, if their clothes get dirty, running late, is she breaks, tears things( Any material objects can be replaced) Not gaining the confidence of your child.
Fourth-Get a daily report from her class teacher work with her teacher on understanding what your daughter is facing. Does she have enough friends- are her friends like her? Try to get an update from your daughter as well.

Fifth- If you are full time working mommy. Cut back for few months, tell your husband that there is nothing important as your child's behavior and future.
Sixth- DONT BLAME ANYONE or COMPARE YOURSELF or YOUR DAUGHTER with ANYONE. ( this is waste of time, energy and thoughts) YOU DO YOUR BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY IN A POSITIVE MANNER.
Seventh- Try this- one-day don't push your daughter to get ready- let her be late- let her not go to school. Show her what the consequences are for her tardiness. On the day that you decide to do this- Have another backup for childcare. DO NOT SHOUT. DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES. TRY IT FOR A WEEK. Let it be a lesson for both husband and daughter. That Husband should help or it will reflect on his daughter.

Eighth- by crying your daughter is throwing a tantrum at the age of 7. This is not good. Every time she cries. Make sure it has real consequences, without hitting. You can give her time out or make a deal to cut her TV time every half an hour she cries.

Ninth-I am very sorry to read your opinion on what your have written-

It's not that your daughter has a problem, she is not given the right consequences and the right atmosphere at home to excel, be independent. Your daughter's every wish is getting fulfilled, she has no motivation to reach the next level what's out there for her. Make her see the path without becoming frustrated.
Remember every child is different, you are different and although she is your daughter she has a different personality, her motivation, priorities are different. Understand her, understand what she is going through and help her.

Tenth-
Don't get embarrassed by things your daughter does. Every kid/ adult has some or other flaws. Nobody, not even god is perfect.
If you are getting embarrassed and not helping your daughter that is on you, not your daughter. Children will and will always do embarrassing stuff. It is the adults who should have known to deal with these situations and help them- to reduce, teach them to not get into embarrassing situations.



Please fight for your children's rights. Every child needs both parent's attention, care, love and learn from both of them. both need to be involved.
If you have to fight with your husband to secure what your child needs, please do.
Coz the kids will grow up and when they will grow up- they will want to blame for their failure. And you as their mother too will regret if you had fought enough to provide the right care things might have been different.

I know it's not easy, as I have typed. Come up with a routine, a strategy for your husband's involvement and your career to support your daughter's needs.

Goodluck

 

Biggest problem is TV.
Tell your h to watch tv or play games in a room locking door inside every evening, tell your kids dad working, don’t disturb, other rooms tv is off some problem came and needs repair.

first week don’t keep cooking and cleaning work spend time with kids , their bath, story reading, or even quick restaurant or takeout , do things kids also like that way they can see other than tv so much fun in life , just doing little things like cuddling and reading.

Tell your h , not to interfere for 1 or 2 weeks on what you doing. As he is not agreeing with you.

Weekends spend time with kids, like library, ask her to get what she likes, and ask where she wants to go? If connect well and talk and listen more with kids with keeping time and patience kid will start listening to you, you have to be strict also,

she has to earn points to watch tv for an hour by doing all what she supposed to do .
Put points system , discuss and work with her, teacher, they will have lot to guide, we need to follow some what they say even kids resist a lot first and cry, it is okay , it is for their well being and it will be good for parent to have control of things

 

Hugs to you dear!
Why don’t you tell your husband that you will resign from work and take care of kids and home, and he can take care of the money part till kids grow up.

Your husband wants to enjoy the financial freedom without doing his home help part. Set it right. You cannot pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself.

 

hi Jas,

Your not the only one facing these kind of issues. I have a little one who is kind of sailing in the same boat. Please stay strong and its not late , for you to set her on the right path.
I would say divide the things you want to conquer with her. Either focus on morning routine or evening tv time or maybe add a class to her schedule . Work on one thing at a time and try to get her to understand and follow that.
I recommend starting with Kumon or any other class. Class would not only instill knowledge but get her a sense of finishing her task,following directions and be responsible . Daily sheets or homework will help her understand what routine means. Again it will take her time to follow this but be patient it will all be worth it after a few months. This might help her turn around in school too.
We cant expect a child to drastically change in all aspects. Start small and see if it works just in one area.Let her take break of 15mins after every 10mins of study. Use a timer not words . Eventually she will reciprocate positively.
Keep books all around in your house, let her purchase books from book fair or online ..might help her develop interest in reading. I know its tough but try not to scold her often .I'm still working on this

Good Luck !!!Stay strong.
Hats off to you to manage the kids ,work and home all by yourself.