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First Diwali For Newly Weds : Responsibility Of Girl's Family

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by KitchSwitch, Sep 26, 2019.

  1. KitchSwitch

    KitchSwitch New IL'ite

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    My sister got married last year. The coming Diwali will be her First Diwali. As per the (Marathi) tradition, her Diwali will be celebrated at our house along with her husband.

    Other than buying them clothes, preparing sweets what other things are customary ?
    Do I have to also invite my brother in-laws family too and buy them clothes ?
    Do I have to go to my sister's house and bring them with me to our house rather than they just showing up here?

    I want to make sure I don't overdo or underdo it reason being my sister is short-tempered and highly in favor of her in-laws. I also would like to understand the purpose behind this custom.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Consult the elders in your family. Each family has their own way of doing things so they will be able to advise you correctly.
     
    joylokhi and shravs3 like this.
  3. KitchSwitch

    KitchSwitch New IL'ite

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    They said YES to all of the above things.
     
  4. deepthivinayak1

    deepthivinayak1 Gold IL'ite

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    In tamilnadu, for first Diwali girls parents go to boys parents house with sweets n fruits and invite the couples(daughter and sil) for Diwali. For first Diwali, girls parents will give gold jewels to both couples.
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Ask your sister how she'd like it done. Maybe she will consult the elders among her in-laws and let you know.

    Go easy on this Bharat Ek Khoj attempt to understand the purpose behind the custom. You'll most likely end up finding out that it was put in place so the woman gets to visit her parents' place having been in touch with them only through pigeon-mail or postal mail for months.

    Just do what it takes to keep your sister happy.

    You are a caring human being. Taking the effort to ask the question in IL. God bless.
     
    SunPa, joylokhi, sum14 and 5 others like this.
  6. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    Best is to ask your sister who is "fond of her inlaws" and let you know of the right thing to do as per ritual.

    Usually the girls side invite the newly wed couple (daughter and son in law) to their house offer new clothes and gifts over a family meal to celebrate the festival.

    Also about the purpose of this custom, in olden days it was to make the daughter happy as post wedding she would be missing her parents home a lot in initial months.
     
    joylokhi likes this.
  7. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    JMO: We should stop these archaic customs which involve material "gifts" from the wife's FOO to her ILs.

    The world has changed and women are no longer deprived of communication and contact with their FOOs. We call/text/FaceTime at will and can often visit when we want/need to. If DH/ILs prevent such communication or visits, we have a whole other problem that can't be resolved with "tradition."

    Giving in to demands under the guise of culture/customs often leads to abusing the system and should end yesterday.

    I would suggest making the symbolic gesture of inviting everyone over to celebrate a joyous Diwali together as a family, give whatever gifts you want to give and don't indulge temper tantrums or in-law demands.
    .
     
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  8. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    I second Amica. Why do you want to put so much pressure and demands on your parents on what they "ought to do". It is not fair, we live in modern society and this constant pressure on girls family to give and do things is too much.
     
    yellowmango likes this.
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Do what your parents feel is fine.
    Don't ask for their expectations.
    If the short tempered sister loses her temper..next time,don't call her.
    She is with people she favors...so she will be fine.

    God...when will these stupid' man 'made customs stop .
     
    shreepriya likes this.
  10. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    First of all f your sister favors her inlaws then good for her . You dnt have to worry from that point. Shes happy and you giving her an extra set of clothes or some expensive thing wnt change much .
    Ask your parents and give whatever you feel is ok for you guys . Dnt go overboard as the expectations might incraesw for next time.
     
    yellowmango likes this.

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