Finding and keeping your love and staying happily married

goodlife · Jul 5, 2010

What is the secret behind finding love earlier than later and getting
into and staying happily married ??
In india marriages are universal, there are many marriages which lead to happiness and fulfillment but then there are equally others which are just the opposite. There may be many factors which many think is in our control, yes that may be true,but when you hear from others they feel that many factors have been beyond their control. Well,can these factors be tamed and can be brought into control!? My aim is to contribute and have contributors share their experiences,advices and success stories
which can bring about a positive change in helping others find true love sooner and having a happily married life. Some of you may be perplexed about this, but I have observed many family and friends find bliss in acting and bringing about a certain change in their lives which otherwise would have become miserable.
Now,there may be many marriage mediators, or dating, match-making or matrimonial services along with marriage counselling to help
find each other and to help married people stay married. This may be good for a number of them. But what about those where this hasn't helped to find true love and marriage or hasn't helped them in staying happily married. There has to be some other answers.
Our indian tradition and culture,has offered us many pujas or homams or certain rituals and beliefs and most of all faith to change destiny, which has helped india to be on top of the statistics list as the country where marriages are universal. :thumbsup
I have noticed(some friends,family members,on over news in india and worldwide) many lovers lose their battle and many familes
separate with devastating consequences to themselves and their children. This thread is dedicated to them.
This is what I had gathered, from listening to some elders and swami's advice and observing others : Deep faith(that God will help us find love and give us a happy married life), sankalpa (make a strong wish and believe that it is already there), and karma(positive action
continously throughout our lives). Now the action has to be corresponding to the desires we want to fulfill. Like helping those in love (unmarried or married couples) in order to strengthen their bonds of love and marriage. Many swami's and saints advice - helping in one way or the other the couples, especially in the area of their need. Many give clothes,money or invite them for lunch or dinner,or give prasad or offerings from God,or help them in any way possible. Now, this is not just for Hindus,
anyone or everyone can do this on a regular basis or as much as they want. The fundamental priniciple or the universal law,
is that, 'What goes around,comes around,' and even in the Bible it says, what we sow,we reap. And the Hindu doctrines believe
that positive karma or action along with faith brings about a positive change in our lives correspondingly.

Let us all contribute our advices and suggestions and help others to find love and have a happily married life. Thank you. :cheers

goodlife · Jul 7, 2010

There is one story i should share,this would help all the married people,especially those who are going thru
some sort of trouble.And this is 100% true story,abt. a family member of mine. One of my cousins got arranged
marriage(but to his own liking ofcourse), from the beginning he used to physically beat her whenever he used to
be upset or angry,his mother used to try to stop it even, but he used to close the doors and beat her,everyone
in the family used to tell him and tried convincing him but still this would continue. His wife used to plead with
him and beg him and even fall at his feet at times to stop but he would just continue.
Dont know what changed
the wife,instead of fighting back with him like she sometimes used to do,she turned inwards and turned to help out women and
married couples,she used to buy clothes for them,cook for them, give them money in time of need,bring prasad,give bangles,
things that women can use etc. etc. and you wont believe that slowly her husband started changing,now he never beats her,
he highly respects her and tells her that i dont have anyone but you,though he has a whole family and looks after her
with so much care!
So destiny or the so called fate that some think we are bound to can be changed,by just dedicating oneself to service.
I hope this would inspire many. Good luck :cheers

riya123 · Jul 7, 2010

GoodLife,

Nice one though.. Are were discussing something spiritual.. I dont get the link in your cousin's wife's case.. Helping others is fine.. You help others for your own satisfaction.. But how did that change her husband's behavior?.. Sounds paranormal..

What goes around come around - I dont know how far it is true?.. I too have read it in many religious books.. But i dont know of any solid proof which supports it.. All the religions and religious books are intended to transform an individual into a good human being.. They are intended to stop voilence and hatredness among people.. A religion is nothing beyond that.. What ever are written in those scriptures are not hard and fast rules or laws.. Those laws are not universal..
I'll give you an example - In my religion, we are strictly vegetarian.. We dont even eat egg for that matter.. We worship cows.. My elders told me that eating meat is being cruel to animals.. So, God will punish us if we hurt animals.. Something like what goes around comes around theory.. But on the other side of the globe, you have people eat beef.. Meat packing centres are more like concentration camps for animals.. Not even a blade of grass grows in those areas.. Animals have as much a capacity as human to experience pain.. But for people there, meat is a staple food..

This example itself shows, if what is said in our religion is true, then all people who eat meat should suffer back.. But it is not true, no one suffers because of eating meat .. So, what is written in religious books are not hard and fast rules..

I think it is time we get practical to solve issues like domestic voilence, child abuse etc.. Unless a society wakes up to respect every individual and treat women equally, dont expect any miracle to happen..

sweetmommy · Jul 7, 2010

I totally beleive...in what goes aorund comes around...But bearing a physical abuse without escalating it and doing service is not good..We do service to feel satisfied that you were of some use to others...But if we do that thinking it might benefit us..then it is not service..It is deviating !!!

I personally feel that one should never keep quiet with any abuse...i just cannot imagine how abusers are there...what will they thunk in their mind...that they are the super powers and they have the whole rights over their wives..Never can I tolerate that kind of behavior..There are so many advancements in the world but no one can put an end to all these abusers..God please help ladies going through these tortures...

prsnfd · Jul 8, 2010

I am sorry…but the supposed inspirational story that you posted, was not inspirational at all…in fact I am appalled!!!

He beat the H3ll out of her…and she reverted to public servicemg:???? And he is all nice now..and therefore this is an inspirational story?? ….. I think this is pure BS….she should have turned around and beat him:rant….but that is just what I think….

Ladies…do you think this is an inspirational story… or am I the only one missing something???

nmtkar123 · Jul 26, 2010

any tips passed on that u wud like to share to live a happy life

hi ladies,
with the tough life some of us have, i was thinking if any of u ladies wud like to share any good tips given to u by ur mom or grandma or any other elderly person on how to live a content and a happy life and how to handle life's journey. looking fwd:

Spiderman1 · Jul 26, 2010

Re: any tips passed on that u wud like to share to live a happy life

Do as your hubby says, not as he does.

LOL! There is no particular trick, but there was a thread in IL which had good tips - need to search it up.

arbit · Jul 27, 2010

Re: any tips passed on that u wud like to share to live a happy life

If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you what to do, then YOU DESERVE IT.

indianguy2010 · Jul 27, 2010

Re: any tips passed on that u wud like to share to live a happy life

Which facet of your do you find , boring ? Your job ? Your relationship with spouse (in case , you are married ) ? or your parenting (in case , you have kids ) ?

Your information is vague and non specific. Come out with the specific information, as I asked above. Then, let us talk and find out what is boring to you........and what best can be done about it.

bye for now

flowerlady · Jul 27, 2010

Re: any tips passed on that u wud like to share to live a happy life

Dear Goodlife ,
Sorry to break the bubble that all the elders in our families had charmed marriages. Even our parents, grandparents coud have had hiccups in their marriage, but could be keeping it a closely guarded secret.
The story narrated is hardly inspirational. The wife got beaten black and blue and the guy turns into a new leaf when he gets older and in need of her care !!!!
PS -Why the bold italics ?