Finding ‘the One’- Tying Knots For The Second Time

This is in continuation with the earlier post My Story Of Rebuilding Myself Post Divorce

Finding ‘The One’- Tying knots for the second time


Having had the bitter experience once, I came to this stage only when I was ready for that.


I used my time to see what I really wanted in partner and what I really do not want. I narrowed down my list of my key priorities


Search


For my first marriage, my parents/brother searched for the alliance. This time I took the lead, registered in the site with my mobile number.


I already talked to parents that no horoscope matching will be done this time. This was a big step for my parents as it’s a must in our community.


My search ran for around 2.5 years. I will talk about the major types of profiles I have encountered at this stage. I was looking for widower/divorcee profiles only by choice.



Those who haven’t made peace with their past


These are all the set of people who hadn’t accepted their past or made peace with it. Past is something which has happened and when it comes to a divorced person, yes it’s a bitter past. But what’s the point of talking about the mistakes that you did or their respective partners did.


I felt unless one accepted his/her past, they cannot take clear decisions in future. So I avoided these kinds of profiles.


Those who are looking for other things


I used to get messages like ‘I’m not ready for marriage, but friendship without limits’ etc. I’m not sure why they bother registering in matrimony site.


I think the answer is just by registering, you can get access to many other’s profile, phone numbers. So matrimony sites are the best place for those people. I’m happy there were some people who were clear with the intentions right from beginning. There are few persons who weren’t looking for marriage but later when the topic came spoke , avoided contacts altogether.


Those who’s divorce are in progress


In case of contested divorces, case might run into years and you have to be really ready to wait.

I developed feelings for one person, whose case was in progress. He was working in my office and we became good friends meanwhile. Before the case ended he and his ex got back together, though I was happy for that person I personally decided not to move ahead with the profiles whose case was in progress.



Intimacy issues


There are people who get separated because of intimacy issues and those who had experienced it will try to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.


But there are some people, who ask questions about intimacy in the very first meeting or in the very first call. They somehow feel that it’s their right to ask whether your marriage is consummated or not.


Really weird people


There was a guy I started talking in phone and that was the first day we communicated. By that evening he asked whether we can take next step. I told him we haven’t even met in person. But that person insisted that I confirm by then. I told I cannot do so and cut the call. He sent me a message few minutes later saying he is not interested any more! Yes such kind of people too exist.


There are some persons who try to get money, job using your contact and vanish.


False information


There are people who give false information about their previous married life. I liked a person, whom upon enquiry I came to know him as alcoholic. There were many persons who lied about the marriage problems, current loans etc


I went through lot of emotions like hopelessness, loneliness during the search. I have stopped the search many times as I didn’t feel up to it.


The one


I saw my DH’s profile who was outside the age limit I was considering, different caste than what my parents wanted and of course same gothra. Somehow I sent a message saying I like your profile and provided my contact number. He didn’t respond for around four days and called me on fifth day. After the initial talks we agreed to meet the very next day.


I think we met for around 2.5 hours. I liked him mainly for his frankness and honesty. He had several things that I was looking for in a partner. He expressed his interest to take it forward there while I asked him for sometime to come to a decision.


Back home my parents were concerned about the age gap. Since I didn’t want to jump to a conclusion, I met him again frequently and got to know him better. When I told him that my parents are doing the background enquiry, he gave me the contact number of ex-in laws and asked us to check there.


When I was sure about him I asked my eldest brother and father to meet him. Once my father met him, he was no longer worried about the age gap and other things. We got married in a simple wedding in the presence of 20 people.


He happened to be the best thing happened to me and we love each other to pieces. More about our married life in next post.

 

Thank you Sun pa..I just want others to avoid the mistakes that I have already done

 

Thanks sandycandy. Yes finding the right one with clear intention is always tough, tougher for remarriages.

 

Thanks Satchi mam..

 

Thanks Syamala. Yes those are really important when you finally decide.