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Financially Screwed....i Am Sure.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by WannabValerie, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Hehe... got my back aye!.. thankyou:).

    I honestly did not feel very deceived by his illness because it wasnt his fault. Breaking trust does did... he had a choice and he CHOSE to break it.
     
    yesican, Angela123 and SinghManisha like this.
  2. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    and that my folks is how it had ended 5 yrs ago..

    Now me be like ' I will get that hammer and I wont be afraid to use it'
    <announces with shaky legs>
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2019
  3. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    I like how you put it in a balanced way. I have changed my course slowly but surely, your post reassures me in a soothing way :). I live in the UK, need to check similar help like you have in the US. Will do.
    Thanks Laks
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2019
    Laks09 likes this.
  4. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    I felt I was the only one in this kind of boat and that no one could help me even if they tried to... I am not the best social butterfly over there you know.

    But I am amazed just how much one feels relieved when you are 'understood' in a right way. I cant thank you enuf... all :). You are all helping me more than you think you are.
     
    Laks09 and KashmirFlower like this.
  5. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    ... I’m in a foreign land, trying to explain myself, trying to make myself known. Because isn’t that the point of every relationship: to be known by someone else, to be understood? He gets me. She gets me. Isn’t that the simple magic phrase?

    Gone girl.
     
  6. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    I would advise taking full control of finances. You don't have to emotionally detach and separate the accounts.Just get full control over the finance, how he had full control over your finances for the last 15 years.
    In 21st century women are advancing but some men still stuck their minds that his parents can take care of finances well concept. It may be just his concept that his parents will do better judgment with his money.
    But, you can start taking care of finances from now. Just give him an unltimate that you are going to do it. Get details of all the bank account. Don't go another route of detaching from him more and all other stuff.
    That won't do any good at all since you had a good marriage.
     
  7. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    If it makes you feel any better , most people I know and consider successful are self made people, without any inheritance.. The drive to be ambitious in their education and career gains more traction when they know there is no backup .. Your hurt and betrayal is completely valid, I would be fuming if I was in your place, but all is not lost.. Start putting aside your savings for the kids , it will grow quickly in years.. since you live in the UK, encourage your children to work part time jobs( its not about the small amount they r gonna make, its about learning social skills, honing their work ethic, making them resilient to ups and downs), give them as much exposure as possible enrolling them in things that will further their career etc... Money can come and go, millionaires have become poor overnight , its the confidence that you can gain that back anytime that matters..
     
  8. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for that Priya.
    I have been managing my money and since last 5 years.
    On his accounts, he still says ' I am responsible enuf you dont need to worry'; yeah right.
    Anyway I have firmly demanded for a big piece of jewellery. I never had demanded any jewellery or had never got any in those 10 yrs. He too knows its for investment as I am usually not a jewellery buff.
    I am not emotionally detaching per se but just detaching my trust.
     
  9. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Shreema:). Refreshing notes, which are very important to keep in mind:).
     
  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    See. This hits home. It’s mostly “his money” or “his assets”. I wonder what would have happened if my DH was not the kind who puts me before others. Add to it the attitude that he can afford to give siblings and extended family because he’s worked in America forever. It can give anyone sleepless nights.

    To combat this and to secure my kids financial future, I had to take care of our finances. Which I started much later into our marriage. From that experience is what I wrote my post. It’s harder for you because you are on your own. From experience, once he sees you doing it consistently, he will hopefully get some confidence in going the savings route in the U.K. with you.

    How are taxes done there? Do you file jointly? Are all assets declared in taxes? International holdings? You could get a hold of tax docs and get a full financial picture, if that will ease your mind. In the US with married people filing joint taxes and me not signing any document regardless of who gives it to me, I get to see everything in the tax docs. I have no clue how it is in the U.K.

    Since you have been separating finances for the past five yrs and since your kids are fairly young, you don’t have to panic. You’ve got a good start and some handle on things. Research financial planning for single moms and a lot of things will come up. Maybe you can implement some of those strategies.

    I’m sorry I don’t have much else to offer. Hang in there and it will get better.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.

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