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Financially Screwed....i Am Sure.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by WannabValerie, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    I am confused on his love towards children too. I can see that he wishes them good but he apparently trusts his parents blindly than himself to take care of his kids.

    The burden of pleasing his parents and the urge to voluntarily give all power to them has driven him yampy. Unbelievable shite really.

    I am not in physical abuse or is my spending freedom ever questioned but I am in callous financial abuse here.
     
  2. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    And all this money shedding on my sil is done with a 'oh she is sick and unhappy'.

    When I heard this 15 years back, I was newly married and I asked her to come to whole body check up with me. My inlaws said no and she said no. I forced her because .. hello!, one needs to sort it out hey!.

    After 20 bloods and many others everything is absolutely normal except my report of hemoglobin was 8 :0. Then my inlaws said she has something that doctors will never know but she suffers.

    She 'suffers' when its time and this is the reason my husband has soft corner on her with the same reason for 15 years without even asking what exactly the problem is and why cant it be sorted. He takes this same reason for 15 yrs and fills in the pot, no questions asked.

    None of them still dont know what she suffers from. Every time tests are done, she passes in flying colours.
    Isnt my story getting worse by post?!.. I bet.
     
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  3. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Well I can tell you people suffer with mysterious illness if they could get free money,also I have seen many men who love their sister's kids more than their own,not all but yes some brainwashed stupid men.Any parent who can jeopardize their own children's future to please others do not truly love them. After kids a parents first and foremost responsibility should be children not some grown up adult with fake illness.
    You need to see what best you can do to resolve this. I am not sure men like your husband can easily change. At most try to device ways to make sure all his earnings now go into your children's welfare like setting up college fund,etc.
     
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  4. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Are you taking about my sil?!?!... its the exact story here!!! Like a formula, make yourself sick and bleed your brother dry and pump to yourself:shocked:. Are you from south india? Andhra perhaps!?.. because I did see lots of sisters behaving like suckers for pity esp when they have a brother!!

    Please clarify Valerie.
     
  5. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    You gotta be kidding me!.. My husband IS from andhra!:eek:.

    Oh, it seems uncanny that they use this as a emotional blackmail trick... but but... its their own boy... its their own brother...
    Is this the trait that they passed on that my H wont think of his own kids :frown:. So distraught I am. Sigh.
     
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  6. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Since your husband says he also thinks about children, get started on financial planning and will writing if you have not done it already.

    start by taking stock of all investments abroad and go down to calculate how much you need for retirement and education.

    sometimes seeing cold numbers on paper will jolt a person to reevaluate stuff. Hire a professional and do the planning.

    if you are abroad , have you given up citizenship of India? Look up all the hard work involved in transferring any bulk amount to US and tax liabilities.

    May be in the process , you can get the will written for FIL also, if not it will be all be divided three equal ways MIL, Sil and your husband.

    Many Indian children do think about providing properties to parents if parents never had much or have invested their savings on the son . When son has mOney this is how they give back , some times it goes overboard .
     
  7. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Wow.. just whoa!

    I rest my case. Do what you can sweet heart. I know their blood group is 'pot filler'. All the best, we are always here to hear you. You be strong and determined. No more trusting.

    There are many in worse abuses, you arnt alone. Hugs.
     
  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    If I were you, I would :
    A) go back to working full time , if possible.
    B) Demand that two out of the four flats be in your ( after you, your children’s name). After all, you worked for 10 years, enabling him to use his money to buy those flats.
    C) Still hold him accountable towards kids financial future. Seems to me, you have given up hope he will. He is their dad, he better provide for them financially.

    I am not judging you, but I am surprised that over the years you were unaware of the details of the multiple property purchases. This is a lesson for us women to be totally involved in every financial decision of the spouse. I realized this early on in my marriage, not necessarily because of lack of trust. Women cannot afford to be financially ignorant anymore. I have to know where my money goes.

    I hope the financial mess gets taken care of. Have you thought about wanting to rebuild the trust in your marriage? You have alienated your husband because of his financial and emotional foolish decisions. If he is otherwise a decent man, is it worth working on the marriage? Who knows, maybe it will lead to better financial transparency .
     
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  9. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Armummy,

    I could ask my husband to write a will but he will use associative property to ask his parents how he should.

    I have a feeling that the general law would be more fair to me that my husband writing a will. He isnt interested in a will yet too.

    Yet, I am thankful to all the calm advice you have given. Will look into each of these :).
     
  10. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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