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Financially Screwed....i Am Sure.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by WannabValerie, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Long story... grab a juice and read?
    Please note I might sound very judgemental on the people I am writing but I am not complaining or putting myself on the horse. I just think I need to be brutally clear at least here :), you will see in my phrases.

    Husband: A good man, not physically or verbally abusive, caring and loving... but I feel its conditional(Like some people show conditional love on pets, when there is a move to make or someone had to be let go, it will be the pets first).
    He enjoys being loved and love others I like this zeal of his; but once his parents and sister come into the picture he needs to satisfy them and his loving nature takes a back seat. He would not notice if he is hurting anyone or not in his mental flood of pleasing his family.
     
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  2. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    My married life:
    15 yrs married. 2 wonderful kids.
    First 10 years, it was wonderful, I got thru every hurdle gathering all my strength and a happy feeling that we are a team. A team who fit in together like pieces of puzzle. He got terribly sick and I was positive and took care of him with real love and care and I was proud that I did that. The only thing that were missing were the 'team tees' hehe.
    I had been putting all my salary in the joint account 10 years my trust was like a castle wall, no questions asked. He used to say 'we invested in a flat'. I used to say 'way to go!'.
    Until one day... I realised that all that money he invested on his dad's name. I was broken and felt deceived and just crumbled. He had 4 flats taken and all of them on his dad's name. When I asked how could he do that without asking me once!, he put an expression that I will never forget; he seemed not to understand what was wrong!!!. That what else would a male offspring do!... like what would be any other option ‍♂️.

    Since then its never been the same (at all). More than the money its the trust that hurts. He eventually put the house we live in on his name ( only), because I said I did not want the mortgage burden. But those flats are mortgage free all cash ones that I doubt my children will ever get.

    My inlaws say openly that my sister inlaw is taking care of them so she will get their inheritance and my husband is young enuf to make money for his children. Actually my sil sulks enormously as she was told and my inlaws take care of her every single day by driving to her house and taking her around to shop etc. Her husband is just.. like me, going with the wind, so she is lucky. My inlaws take care of my sil ( elder than my husband) like babies. They drive 10k to bring milk carton to them who are 2km away from the shop o_O.They have told my husband that the flats will go on their names and my husband said ' thats fine'.

    I have come down from a chirpy introvert to a worried introvert. I am hurt that he used my trust. That I always considered him to be the other vital half of the team while we were only 15th 16th and 17th players in his. He acted as if we were thou.

    I would still take care of him and be proud of it if it comes to that but it would hurt that he wont be greatful or even affected by my affection.
    I have started meditation to calm my haywire brain and focus on the part time job that I do. I save my income which is a fifth of what he earns but I have stopped to include his money as 'savings for my children'.. any money from him would be a bonus. He says I am thinking too much about it and he is their father and think about them too, he is a good father, children love him and he plays and makes them laugh.

    I am very thankful for his parenting. I think that is his investment ( or savings for them), all those good moments:). I have started to see them as his precious gifts to them which they 100% are. About money they are going to get from him?... I dont know I am teaching myself to stop worrying about it. My worry makes no difference anyway. Its so hard but there isnt a choice.

    I am kind of accepting his non loyalty on finances and taking what he is offering ( his care love and lifestyle).

    Not sure if this is a question but I thought you all would just listen or some of them in similar boats or ...some 'there there' would help I guess :)
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019
  3. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    To be clear: I am not opposing or denying daughters hereditory. Its just that when we started our life I was shown a bank statemnt of rs20,000. That is my inlaws they had left when we were married. That is all they had to their original property account.

    We added up all the properties to them for 10 years and now we are told my kids are worthy of any of it.
    Anyway like I said... I am waiting to see what you all going to write:)
     
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  4. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Do you have proof of money sent to buy properties..Also gather all proof of how your money in join account was taken. I would say lawyer up, you can't live peacefully unless you are a saint after all this,so don't suppress your anger.
    First step gather all proofs contact a lawyer.
    Second step give warning to Ur DH either he will get the properties back to your and his name based on your share in it or you are going to fight it in court.
    No peace is good enough at the cost of deceiving your children. Remember each generation has more difficulty in getting wealth than the previous one. Those who had money from earlier generation always fare well and live with less stress. If there is no solid financial security to start with your children would badly struggle, can you see in future while sil's children getting off with good start with all those flats while your children struggling to buy a decent property for themselves because they didn't start with that financial backing. Fight back don't leave it as it is ,and also for time being don't contribute anything to household expenses divert all your income to savings. Let your husband pick up the bill this way more money to your children than sil's.
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Keep your money separate from your husbands. Make sure that he is saving for your kids education and marriage, and for your own retirement. Purchase gold and other permanent assets whenever you can. Beyond that unless your husband comes to his senses on his own I'm not sure you can do much.
     
  6. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you IL86.
    What you say is fair enuf. All that money has been sent as gift over the years and then the registrations happened. I knew the money was going but I thought it would end up on our names.
    What you say is true and scary. This is why I had a BIG row for 8-9 months with my husband and after that, the next two properties are on his name, I saw the papers when we registered.
    But you never know, I don't trust him a bit anymore...my husband could write them over to them you know... so I don't bet.

    I have low motivation to put up a fight with him at court.
    The nephew has himself ( he is earning now too)his parents his grand parents and his uncle to rely on. Our kids have only me.

    I am not sure if I would want to engage in a court fight for next 6-7 yrs or more; which I might or might not win for sure ( as I cant prove that my husband hid from me).
     
  7. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you Malstrom.
    I asked my husband to do some financial planning towards his kids too, he says ' you are insulting me by saying this'. Now lets see, I cant go into his account because I don't know his password into his ( we arn't joint account anymore). If he realises he will else, I am a squirrel doing her job as much as she can.
     
  8. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Whether you want to fight is not, is a different matter at least gather proof and check with lawyer,you can use that then to scare them to give it back,if you do nothing they have no reason to give it back and the next two properties why didn't you insist to make it joint along with your name. Where do you come in this ? Your money was taken why is your name not there and how do you trust your husband that he won't transfer these as well to his father
     
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  9. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    No I havnt invested in these properties.
    Its all my husbands money ( or mortgage). I have no trust left to give any of my money to him anymore. If he transfers, then thats his decission. Atleast I am doing justice for our kids. He says ' will my parents be partial to our kids?'... well, I dont know why he cant see when everything is right in front of his eyes.

    Yes, like you said I shall gather those statements. Keep them or use them if I need to.
     
  10. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    You need not worry about him being insulted. Anyone in your place would have insulted him directly that he is a foolish man stupid enough to write off so much property at the cost of his own children's future. No man who loves his children will do this.
     
    WannabValerie likes this.

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