Financial issues w/IL's....need advice

Hi All Ladies,

I need some advice from u all.I'll try to keep the story short.

I got married 4 1/2 yrs. back.DH is very very good person.The problem is w/IL's asusally.Ofcourse even they are not such horrible persons,its all about money.

Ok coming to the point,my DH's family is poor before he started working.His parents got him educated by selling there farm lands.He is very intelligent and got a campus job while doing masters.So, he started sending money to his parents from his stipend, after the joining the job
he continued the process..no savings for himself until we got married.before getting married he worked for 5 yrs.(2yrs. in India and 3 yrs. in US)so in total from 9 1/2 yrs. he is employed.Before marriage itself he gave all the money to his parents and they bought 4 acre farm lands for themselve and around 2 1/2 to there daughter who is married around 16 yrs. back and had a 15 yr son.They were also poor and she is tailor in a village and her hubby is a school bus driver.My DH also sent money to get a house constructed for them which they did very luxurily in a pakka village where there is no proper bus facility and people go by autos in to the village.(spent 10lakhs in 2003-04)they built the verandh floor w/granite and ofcourse my DH dont ask abt all the expenses they were doing and FIL and MIL are uneducated and do the farm work.So the bank account is in the name of SIL's hubby.DH sends money to his account and he draws the money and give to IL's.DH will call in-laws and tell them abt. the amt. he had send.They had made lot of gold for themselves both MIL and SIL before our marriage itself.After marriage MIL had made bangles with 10gms.And I don't have any interrest on her gold in future also.I know all that will go to her daughter only after her.Coming to my FIL, he is very luxory person but MIL will not give sons money to him and gives to SIL only so this old fellow keeps doing debts in the village and spend on luxories.Before marriage FIL donated 1L to the temple in there village for dvajasthabam (in telugu they say that )(the rod which stands before the idols in the temple)so that festival in temple was done 1 week after our marriage and we have to sit before the god coz we donated large amt. and the rest all from funds which have been collected by FIL in the nearby villages.Ofcourse that is very good that we had done such a good thing in the life.Only very few people get such a chance doing such gr8 thing for the temple.DH also gave money to SIL's hubby to purchase a tractor for there living as he is a driver(ard. 4Lks.).He sold that tractor and bought another car and rented it out for another company after that it faced an accident.ok this is all past before our marriage.

DH stayed 6 yrs. in US.3 yrs. before marriage and 3 yrs. after.before we coming back to india my FIL commited suside attempt.Ofcourse he survived,the reason is so stupid.he want to buy plots in the nearby city and DH dont want to.and strangely DH and FIL never talk to each other.DH dont like his father all the communication they have is thru MIL.
Even after our marriage DH sent lot of money from US for there farm land investments and to take care of themselves to IL's.But we never know about the profits in it.I know they give all of that to SIL.As I told DH will never ask them abt. the expenses they were doing, and ,there in US we dont eat any thing and do all the houseworks by ourselves and save all the money and send here.This is what people do here.

Ok finally after coming back from US we came to know that FIL has debts for 3L in 2005-06 which he donated to temple and he didnot even tell to his son or wife(thats wht she was saying).And adding the interest it came to 5L.coz of his suside attempt everybody started knocking the door and asking for there money after DH.don't know wht they have done with all the money sent from US.DH is very quite and easy going guy.
He cleared all the debts w/o saying anything (just a small argument but nobody cared for him).And he gave the farm lands to other people for cultivation and they give money anually once after there profit.and DH was giving 5000rs./month for there expenses.MIL saves in that also and give to the daughter.This yr. again they were asking their son that they want to do the farm lands by themselves coz outside people spoiling were spoiling the lands.If they have to do again they will ask DH for intial expenses on the land like to buy fertilizers etc.. and they don't even tell abt. the profit.Ofcourse DH will not ask abt. that.

Apart from all this my SIL' son had just now completed 10th std. and going to join XI-std. That dumb idiot got only 350/600 in X.and they were planning to join him in a reputed college spending 50k rs./annum in hostel.I guess IL's want to help them with money again.Which is going to be alot for us now as we are living in India and DH is not earning lakhs and lakhs here.coz of recession the company reduced the salary also, living in a rented house with one person income and I am staying at home with my son..not going to any job.We have to join my son in a school,now he is 2 1/2 yrs. we want to join him next yr. and u all know how expensive good schools are in a metro.we stay in chennai.donations ,admission fees etc. etc..

DH doesn't like FIL doing farm lands but he is not able to come out stronly and I told him if u cant tell allow me to tell that to them.Finally,this is what DH told to me "Play your role,not more than that" and " dont make family issues as a business".I was stuck hard by his words.I was thinking abt. my family..and this wht he had told me.

Otherthan this (IL's issue)he is very good person.buys me whatever I want.Spends alot on my kid and me and he never gets anything for himself.Even IL's are OK with me ofcourse I never stay with them only for 1 week or 10 days with my kid.MIL does all the household work,I'll just help a lil bit.Even though they talk abt. something I just don't care.And we never invited them to our house coz my DH doesn't like them to come here.May be he is scared that there will be fights b/w us.Even during mydelivery In US we didnot invite them not even my parents.I was alone w/DH for my delivery and he helped me alot.

Ok what should I do now just let DH do whatever he wants?
please advice.I was not able to sleep coz of this.I am scared until now we lost alot and I dont want lose anymore otherthan IL's family maintainance

 

Hi all ladies,

Thanks for the advie.
I am sorry for the boy.I don't mean to say such words abt. him.He is always nice to me and never said anything wrong abt. me.Its all abt. IL's..so that anger reflects on him.But my intention is not to spend that much on +1 and +2 and anyway u have to pay donations to join him in graduation.so we are telling them to join him as a dayscholar and pay donations for graduations so lil money can be saved,as the boy is acdemecally poor.They were not listening to us.Even I want to help them but only to lil extent not completely,which is out of our control.
We had booked an appt. here in Chennai and have to pay EMI's.

Anyway, thanks for all the advices and I'll try not to interfere in this issue anymore.

 

:-(Hi Malyatha,
After u pointing it out,I felt very bad.I don't usually say bad words abt. people.But I am very irritated ,the expenses will be b'coz of him and if he studied well it might be lesser expensees comparitively.We can donate to people who are good at studies and do well in future.I can't guarantee that on this boy.otherthan studies,he is very good boy socially.