Finance issues with H

Gbsy · Feb 8, 2016

Hi,

A brief background which caused for present issue.

Last month for so and so reasons we got 3.30k as salary.

At that time i request him to put 2L in savings directly, rest amount for house expenses and debts.

2L savings + debts 50k + 50 for expenses + for 30 k safeside

Actually coming next 2 months he need to go to US, for that he said lets keep entire amount in my account, because we dont have any idea on the US expenses(happened so many times, which will go like a water vapor).

So, sked him to what will he do if he did not get that amount, will you take credit 2L money and go to US?

For this he made big fuss, as you dont trust me, etc etc... you like money... blah blah..

After a big drama, he transferred 50k to my account and 50k to savings.. thats it..

Yesterday asked him about last months expenses.

Now he is unable to give details for 1L. Actually its 1L++, but ignored..

For last month trip (100km, one and half day) spent almost 20k.. what whaatsmiley
Which is actually

1500k (for hotel for entire stay)+
2k (car petrol) +
3.5k(site seeing)
2k (food, max spent)

What i can say..

Requested, begged, fought... as definitely that amount we will loose like ice cube.. please first save and keep some reasonable amount for unexpected expenses..
But not did...

Yesterday he said i cannot give accounts for every single rupee..

its not rupee or thousand, 1Lakhhhh man...

yesterday i said, happened everything as expected and said..

Now he is not providing any XL or details for that amount..

Asked bank account details to cross check transactions (requested as we should know where it gone)..

But he will make again fight for that..

I'm vexed.. always he takes 10back steps for saving, 100 forward for expenses without a second thought..

15years of married life.. No house, No property, left with 2L bank balance thats it

Our life started with 20k (in 2003 its big amount).. Always he do same, as i need comfortable amount in hand dont want to do ask others... etc etc.. But end of the month he will end up with 0 balance.

what to do now.. how can i ask or fight with him.. and face emotional drama as you dont trust me, money importance to you blah blah..

Till now didn't raised my voiced other than request.. but cannot hold my nerve for long, and dont want leave it here..

please suggest..

Gbsy · Feb 8, 2016

Please ladies help me in get out of this mental torture..

No one supports me in my home(as bare, you are a girl etc..) and dont want to share with any out of family

chocolate · Feb 9, 2016

Op, First of all your hubby is a spendthrift. Accept that as a fact. Take charge of all expenses. Don't fall for any stories.Be firm and say you have put it in Fixed deposit and wont break it. that's it.Turn deaf and don't answer to any outbursts or scares. It will even escalate to saying separation . But don't pay heed.Dont forget to keep it only in your name.

Do you work? If yes, then don't put your salary into same account as hubby. Save it separately and ask him for all expenses. Don't pay heed to I need money and don't have talks.

I have first hand experience in this case becoz my husband is quite lax about savings and seeing how it worked for first 4 yrs of marriage , I took matters into my own hands and now we are comfortable.

Was this US trip sudden or plans were in making for long time. If long time, why wasn't there savings to use for the trip. If sudden still savings wud have helped. How long is the trip and is it work related or holiday.

Gbsy · Feb 10, 2016

That is office trip, that too only for 15 days, but he need lakhs of money.

Everytime he says once after paid everything like rent etc.. will transfer to ur account rest. But not happened even once.

If i ask two or more times, why you always raise this and make me guilty as am irresponsible. If i try to talk about this in understanding manner, immediately he turns to off mood. If i try in good mood, why you try to spoil my happiness .

Actually he doesn't want to do it, so he raises all these. And he dont want to even listen if someone buys something like house or gold etc.. But if any one planned for luxury trip, immediately he says lets we too, for that he dont even think that we have budget or not, but when it comes to savings, oh lets do after school fees, or US trip or etc....

Vexed with all these

chocolate · Feb 10, 2016

OP, If its official trip, his stay is taken care of. I have never heard where you go on official trip and pay your own expenses. Shopping unless he is buying electronics like crazy you cant shop for such a huge amount.

When seeing how my hubby was neglecting savings in a disciplined manner, I took over. But not having a comfortable savings cushion, I sacrificed. I didn't shop unless bare essentials and didn't go on holidays for a 3-4 yrs. Once we hit a mark, bought our own house, I relaxed. Relaxing didn't mean give up on savings , it meant we cud shop and enjoy. Not shop crazy but still buy on clearance or sales.

I did get my share of opposition from hubby. Oh , I need this , we shud separate . All this talk. I was firm and turned blind eye to everything. Now my hubby understands what I did. Now its always can we do this, can we afford to. First instead of blaming your husband, firm yourself up. Say you wont break, whatever happens. Get up , dust yourself off and make plans. Look at bank statements. See if you can cut corners. Let go of vacations, eating out for next 2 yrs . Turn blind eye to any expense hubby comes up with.You need to open your eyes. You need to make a change. Start by opening a 1000 rs savings account. Do it every week or month . If you have kids do it in each of their names. Do it in your name. Have automatic withdrawals every month. Start somewhere. Good Luck.

Iamagoodgirl · Feb 11, 2016

op you need to figure out his bank account login and check his expenses.For some reason i am imagining worst scenarin official trips mostly company bare expenses.If he is spending lakhs of rupees on something this is seriously fishy.

Gbsy · Feb 19, 2016

I have his bank statement details:

But where problem occurs is:
He do not save when have plenty of money in hands, repeatedly postpones as oh let it happens first, after that, this... End of the day he says, oh money is over nothing is left..

What i argue always is first do savings, later for the expenses, we donot spend more than enough if we have scarcity.

And always suggest keep 10k extra than need.

He never ever do, and do fight in reverse he dont trust me, etc etc....

For 10rs savings he feels like he did for 10k..

Still i dont understand why he need 1L for 15days trip, and i'm feared that he would say that that money also over when the trip time comes.

He dont want to listen if someone bought something, or saved..
Everytime he says that, will transfer money to your account, once after done all payments, but he never ever..

If i ask him again, why you are not trusting, or always financial issues you raise... blah blah blah...........

JGVR · Feb 20, 2016

If you both are earning well,why not invest in buying car,home or land?Take a bank loan and buy a property,which will be an asset and one of you has to pay the loan monthly.

Take charge of the savings part.Ask him to transfer say 1L or so to your account and invest wisely-say insurance policies/mutual funds/FD etc.There are lot of bankers who will guide you to do that.

Don't give in to his emotional drama.He thinks that he can shoo you away using his emotional abuses.Don't give in.

KashmirFlower · Feb 20, 2016

Foceful savings by buying property ( and saving for kids college, a retirement fund etc )and paying for loan is good idea as suggested by others. Otherwise he will not save. U start these accounts and route money to these.