1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Finally Decided To Leave My Abusive Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sweetum, Jul 3, 2017.

  1. sweetum

    sweetum Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello,
    I have finally decided to leave my abusive husband. My husband hits me a lot and also is verbally abusive. I get beaten up and he demeans me a lot. Like yesterday he told me that he got married to a "kaali saand" when he was drunk.
    Now I am certain that I want to leave him but I am scared that I won't be able to manage alone with my baby. I do not have any savings and I intend to take a loan from the bank to survive for some months till I get a better job.
    How difficult is it to be a single mother with no family? I am an orphan and I have nobody to help me.

    Thank you
    Sweetum
     
    anika987 likes this.
    Loading...

  2. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    493
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear,
    i can understand your pain.what you are going through now, i am also in a similar situation, but no kid thats the only difference.
    what is your qualification? are you working now? if so, if you are comfortable keep working dont quit. then meanwhile you can search for a better job and shift.
    This is only a decision in life,so dont have regrets. if leaving your abusive H makes you peaceful, do that.
    whatever be the situation be strong, you are not an orphan.you have your kid...you are now a mom..:) cheers
     
    pinkydarling, sindmani and Sunshine04 like this.
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,174
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    First of all I don't think the term orphan even applies to you, you have a family, your baby. And you are your baby's family. God has blessed you with another life.

    Kudos to you for not staying in an abusive marriage esp with a child. Can only imagine how hard the abuses must have been for you to come to this decision. And an abusive house is hell for the children.

    Now, if you are absolutely positive about walking out of it. Think about the next 20 steps. A few things to look at:
    Legal help - look for marital abuse lawyer, have heard there are support centres.
    Through this center, you can check for job references as well, apply in job sites, contact job consultants.
    Try to save some money in hand.
    Start any job (different qualification / part time too) you get, don't sign any lock in periods. And continue to look for a suitable job on the side.
    Be part of a support group / center, counselling to heal yourself completely.
    Remember it's upto you to give a happy home for your baby. So it's important for you to heal first.

    To answer your question, it will be difficult esp in the beginning but once you get a hold of life, jus keep climbing. There are many amazing single moms out in the world, kicking ass. You can too! Just believe in yourself.
     
    sindmani, joylokhi, amunique and 4 others like this.
  4. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,747
    Likes Received:
    1,710
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Go to police for his abusive mature or find some women's shelter.

    That guy should pay you maintenance and you should get half of what ever he owns .. You should not stay in abusive marriage due to lack if finances .. Talk to women shelter or help group to go about it
     
    ChennaiExpress, pinkgal and sindmani like this.
  5. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    493
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    @ashneys : do you know, any of those support centers? which you mentioned in your reply to the op? because i am also in the similar kind of situation.
     
  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,174
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    It varies depending on the location (different country / state). However, try to google with your location and also check with women police department and government's child and women welfare association. Search Facebook too

    Other IL's may pitch in here..
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2017
    sindmani and amunique like this.
  7. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,158
    Likes Received:
    3,958
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Stay strong... It is going to be difficult but no woman/child deserves to be in an abusive environment.
     
    sindmani and amunique like this.
  8. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    321
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Don't take such decisions when you are emotionally weak. Pause. Think about it after a week. Review it after a month. Repeat after 3 months. If you see no way forward, live separately for few days. Divorce shall be considered as the last step. Your child needs borh parents. At this juncture child's life is more important than your life.
    Seek legal help if necessary.
     
  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,747
    Likes Received:
    1,710
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    Just because one has a child , a mother should not be condemned to a abuse filled life . The child also will not gain anything from an abused filled environment , will harm the child more . If the husband is a good father , he can still be part if child's life and child can have both parents and mother can be out of abused life
     
  10. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    321
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    It didnt mean that she has to suffer whole life. She has to be smarter and try to change the scenario by other means. There are many families who live happily after going through a bad phase like this. On fact, IL ites should give her advise how to
    Resolve it without breaking the relationship.

    It's easy to break a relationship. What's next ?
    OP is an orphan too. So no support from family. That child is innocent and needs better solution rather than a break up.
     

Share This Page