Fights With Husband

Shivika,

This sounds like my DH too. I had to fight for my space. Mostly he does it out of love, but sometimes I think he doesn't understand the boundaries very clearly. Sometimes it is enjoyable and sometimes it is suffocating. I am still learning how to tackle this even after 10 years of marriage. What I learned is let him know what i am going to do and what part he needs to do. Once he knows this, he usually do not interfere too much. but it is not possible to plan everything in advance. I know once we had a huge fight about a similar situation and he told me "may be I don't need to protect you anymore" or something like that. I try to find a balance between all these. Not easy. I think about "is this something I can let go or something I need to fight?" and go from there. I tell him occasionally that I am an individual and i have my own reasoning and let me fight my fights and help me when needed, not always. He listens sometimes and sometimes not.

 

Hi All,

I am new to the club. With 13 years of troublesome torturous toxic relationship with husband l am still unsure how this would go in future. Just want relaxing air to breathe in.

 

I don't think she is very excited about getting into the kitchen, but is forced to, especially if ILs are involved. Also, with lockdown one cannot go out if they want to snack or eat something different other than usual stuff.

 

even after married for 18 years , same in my case too. so no need worry u will have ur own portion when time comes. u will come to learn things by yourself. talk to ur mil and try to do things together. everything will fall inplace one day. so enjoy this phase of life. soon u will become really busy. bye.
regards, gayathri

 

i think he is right about the business part. it is not a hidden fact, that covid spread is not reducing. it is better to be safe .

kitchen he needs to back off. MIL is whole other story, .

 

Hi shivika
I guess I can understand your situation, because I have been in a similar situation..

Just let me know if I am right, you feel the need to go to your business is because you are feeling trapped at the place you are..right now for you your office feels like a safe place to be who you are.. If that is the case I totally encourage you to take a few hours for yourself on a daily, to concentrate on yourself.. Eg: if you have a extra room just stay there and work..or go on to the terrace walk around listen to songs.. due to the pandemic it is better to keep yourself safe first..

Even I feel that way most times..so now a days I stopped feeling bad about what if they judge me..if I need to be sane at this point I have to be alone sometimes and can't always follow everyone's routine.. learnt it the hard way..

Next coming to the point of them being very knit picky..well it can be they are concerned..but trust me same thing happened to me, my mil never allowed me to do certain things even if I adapted to do it her way..I thought oh so sweet she is concerned about me.. oh my I was Wrong!! She filled my husband's ears that I don't do anything I don't chip in blah blah...
And this happened repeatedly..and many more things that led to my depression..
So my suggestion would be just do whatever you have to and want to.. and inform your husband that you are doing so and so.. and if he says don't do this way or that..just say..let me try it my way..if it screws up atleast I will know what to do next time and that you need your space..

As lavani said mil is whole another story..just take your stand before you loose yourself.. otherwise you will ruin the most crucial and happiness of being a newly wed couple (saying from experience)

 

If your area is not seeing a large spike, there would have been nothing with going to your business if you maintained proper measures.
In these days, pandemic is more of an excuse for psychotic control freaks to attempt to control others.

There are spouses who throw a hissy fit even if their spouse goes for a walk, they want them indoors 24/7 to "stay safe"