Fight with DH on daughter's birthday!!

aksharat · Aug 23, 2012

Dear Friends,

I am very much upset about yesterday's incident. You may think that for a silly reason I am worrying but it is bothering me a lot and just want to vent it out. Sorry for the long post.

Yesterday was my daughter's 3rd Birthday which started off very well but at the end of the day my mood was totally spoiled because of my husband's behavior.

Me and my DH made very good plans for my kid b'day and also executed it very well. Actually we invited some of my close friends, close relatives neighbors, my parents and ILs and we prepared many dishes for the dinner.

As there were many ,the party lasted till 10.30pm.... and I was busy serving food for the guests along with my mother and MIL. As it was becoming late my DH was losing his patience(dont know what was going on his mind) and he got really irritated but not showing it out and was playing with the kids and talking my relatives. I thought he would be hungry and asked him many times I will serve the dinner and can have along with the others but he insisted that he will have later and he told to take serve the food well to the guests.

But after they left he got really wild and started shouting at me and my MIL that the food is not enough for him and I cannot leave the leftover like that. Actually I wanted to keep some food for him separately which I usually do but due to continuous work I totally forgot and he started asking me " who will eat this" and he came to kick the plate :shock: did not have the dinner and went to sleep. My MIL was worried and was complaining that it was my mistake that I did not keep the food for him as he did not have his food though he spent more money on everything including food but he himself did not touch the food...BLAH BLAH...:spin

I dont know why is he creating scene for a such a silly matter. I was shocked and angry of how could a person behave like this for a silly matter and he was indirectly scolding me. So i stopped completely talking to him. (he also).Now the scene is like all this happened because of me!!!

IndianQueen · Aug 23, 2012

ha ha.. did u save some food for yourself and leave him alone? No right. Not your fault, no one saved food for you also right... then y all this drama.. dont appologise or beg for pardon, he will realize its not your fault and get back to normal in somedays...

rkgurbani · Aug 23, 2012

Oh oh...I know how you must be feeling at the end of a noce day when something silly like this happens.

I do not think it is your fault. All the food that you prepared for the guests was fresh and cannot be termed as leftovers. Your DH should understand that both of you really had a long day to make the evening a special one.

Was he disturbed by anything at work or did something happen during the day that was troubling him? Once he calms down, you can ask him what happened and why did he behave like that? (do remind him that it was indeed very hurting to end a beautiful day like that just because of his snapping for a silly issue)

Am sure he will be fine soon.

Rise · Aug 23, 2012

MEN !!!

you dont worry... tell him to forget the incident because u dont want to remeber ur kids birthday as a bad day..... tell him to make the kids bday a happy day and not a sad horrible day

aksharat said: ↑

Dear Friends,

I am very much upset about yesterday's incident. You may think that for a silly reason I am worrying but it is bothering me a lot and just want to vent it out. Sorry for the long post.

Yesterday was my daughter's 3rd Birthday which started off very well but at the end of the day my mood was totally spoiled because of my husband's behavior.

Me and my DH made very good plans for my kid b'day and also executed it very well. Actually we invited some of my close friends, close relatives neighbors, my parents and ILs and we prepared many dishes for the dinner.

As there were many ,the party lasted till 10.30pm.... and I was busy serving food for the guests along with my mother and MIL. As it was becoming late my DH was losing his patience(dont know what was going on his mind) and he got really irritated but not showing it out and was playing with the kids and talking my relatives. I thought he would be hungry and asked him many times I will serve the dinner and can have along with the others but he insisted that he will have later and he told to take serve the food well to the guests.

But after they left he got really wild and started shouting at me and my MIL that the food is not enough for him and I cannot leave the leftover like that. Actually I wanted to keep some food for him separately which I usually do but due to continuous work I totally forgot and he started asking me " who will eat this" and he came to kick the plate :shock: did not have the dinner and went to sleep. My MIL was worried and was complaining that it was my mistake that I did not keep the food for him as he did not have his food though he spent more money on everything including food but he himself did not touch the food...BLAH BLAH...:spin

I dont know why is he creating scene for a such a silly matter. I was shocked and angry of how could a person behave like this for a silly matter and he was indirectly scolding me. So i stopped completely talking to him. (he also).Now the scene is like all this happened because of me!!!
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ShobhiBalan · Aug 23, 2012

Surely the fight and arguments are not for the food. Its something else that bothered him.

He had some bottle-necked emotions in him that bursted onto you.

Dont feel for ur MIL's words. Leave that.. Some things are like that. We cant reason it.

Talk to your husband about what made him really mad about this.

Start gently and dont lose your temper at any point.

Make him talk, talk, talk and you'll finally get him.

Please dont remain silent. It is the worst.

You both have a lovely 3 year old gift.. Make the life clear.

swaran · Aug 23, 2012

Belated Birthday wishes to your LO arty

ah,what to say,these men!!!!!! :rant
Men say few things out of anger in front of everybody but for us ladies,its very very difficult to digest that anger especially when we are at no fault and that too if that anger is shown in front of all...adding more to the fuel,when that anger makes a beautiful/special day end with a horrible sad note :bonk

i dont think you need to apologise..its not your mistake and moreover you did ask him multiple times whether he wanted to have dinner..

these men get angry due to some office work/somebody and they keep it within and show only to the ladies in the house...mostly it would be the wife and sometimes the mother..they never know how to handle stress,poor creatures!!!!!!..

eventhough i agree with others who have mentioned that its not the food issue that created the anger and there could be some other issue running on his head,let me say you one thing..there are men who get very impatient when such functions/parties happen(eventhough they would be the organisers) and not knowing how to vent it,show it on the first thing that come to them,in your case it happened to be food...if the food was fine,he could have told that the house is a mess and ask you to clean it...so like kids instead of telling the correct reason,to ease themselves from that fuming state,they throw the blame on something/someone and walk off..that would help them to cool off a bit!!!!!!

moreover many men never know that anger should be shown on the person who made them angry not on the poor person(a person who never/rarely talks back) who gets caught in his hands!!!!

i know how difficult it is to digest that anger shown by your husband...but try to forget by watching your DD's pictures and birthday videos...

and remember,dont go and apologise to your husband...it would give them(mil,DH) another chance to show their anger on you when you have done no fault...
if your husband comes back and speaks properly with you,you too talk..but not too much..when he asks why you dont talk normally,tell him the reason...let him know that you became very upset when you got scoldings for no fault of yours especially when it happened on your DD's birthday....say it spoiled your day...tell him in a nice way

if you feel that your husband might not come back and ask why you are sad or it is not possible for you to show on your face due to many reasons,leave the issue now...when you and your DH are alone and in a good mood,tell him not to behave that way...tell him that you dont want to end that happy day with anger/sadness

hope he understands!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW,yesterday was my DD's birthday and she too celebrated her 3rd birthday
same pinch

april1981 · Aug 23, 2012

Just ignore him. He is frustrated due to something else and hence that might be the reason for the anger.

nicegirlradhi · Aug 23, 2012

He is surely upset on other issue and not becoz of you. Rest assured, he will be back to normal. Dont go back to him right away on this topic. May be after some time when you both are in joyful mood, ask him why he behaved like this. This is a small issue and dont make it effect on your day to day work

lakshmisathish · Aug 23, 2012

It all happens.... just leave everything...
n continue ur daytoday activities...
things r fine...
think all the eye on ur family , went off....

make the next bday celebration very simple, so that u dont get tired.....
it is enof if u , ur husband and ur kids are happy...
so , next time,,, the party members are u, ur husband n ur kids.... dont bother abt others...
u can buy and cut a cake for urself n be happy...

ars · Aug 23, 2012

Why so much of cooking and adult guests for a 3rd b day it's not the 1st.
Any way ignore his tantrums and mil comments. Why didn't she save the first serving for her darling son?
It's not your fault that he did not have dinner. He is an adult so if he is hungry he will eat. We have a saying in Kannada "olladha ganddalnige maosarali kallu" meaning " an unwanted husband will find stones in yogurt"
In future remember hunger makes you angry too. My sons, h and me will loose our patience and get irritated with simple things when we are hungry. I have noticed this so I make sure we have at least had a snack or tasted the dishes before the guests arrive so we can be calm hosts and also eat with the guests don't wait till the last guest leaves.