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Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad idea

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012.

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  1. Oct 11, 2012 #1
    whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    I need some female opinions.

    Background

    My fiance and I both live in the west but not on the same continent. Both of us have never lived in India at all. We are both Indians and it's not an arranged marriage. She's also my cousin but lets not get into how that happened. It just did, something I NEVER thought I'd do in my life. The girl I was dating before her was Chinese and I almost proposed. Marrying my cousin is something that I've never considered. It just happened. We only met each other when we were in our mid 20s for the first time.

    My dad's a jackass so my mother and sister live with me since I'm the oldest. My fiancee has dropped hints she wants her mother to come live with us. I really don't want this. There's enough space as it's a huge house, but her mother is the really pushy and opinionated and would be the MIL that everyone hates. My mother on the hand is one of those people who never gets involved in other people's business, because her MIL was a witch. I know my mother will never say anything or get involved with anything unless she was asked to. Also my future MIL has 3 other sons as old as me and her husband is dead.

    How do I handle this? I don't mind if we had to send her mother money and stuff but there's no way I'm letting her mother move in permanently. One because her mother is overbearing, opinionated and will do whatever she wants. I really doubt she's going to listen to me even though it's my house since she's my aunt. In fact I KNOW she's going to do whatever she wants without taking my wishes into consideration. So rather than be forced to be really rude eventually I'm going to head off the trouble by not letting her move in.

    What do the ladies think about this? How do you think I should handle this? I'd ask my friends but most of them aren't S.Asian and don't get the culture.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
    #1
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  2. Oct 11, 2012 #2
    easygoing

    easygoing Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    You could try and explain your fiancee that she can very well take care of her moms needs with your help and support but its not a very good idea to let her move in right after marriage.Just tell her that, first few years of marriage is very critical for the relationship b/w husband and wife and that even the best of parents will have trouble adjusting with the new son in law or daughter in law, and so even the slightest of issues would get magnified and cause a tussle between the two of you. Tell her that after a few years maybe you can think of having her with you ie once both the families are comfortable with each other !
     
    easygoing, Oct 11, 2012
    easygoing, Oct 11, 2012
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  3. Oct 11, 2012 #3
    whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    But that would be lying. LOL! I don't want her mother moving in ever. Saying that would just cause issues later.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
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  4. Oct 11, 2012 #4
    fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    your mother will live with you after marriage?
     
    fencesitter, Oct 11, 2012
    fencesitter, Oct 11, 2012
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  5. Oct 11, 2012 #5
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Ah...isnt this what pretty much every DIL here says....my parents are so sweet ...non-interfering ...but my PIL are devil.
    Its never that simple and even if this is true...u cant start off ur marriage with ...my mom is a nicer person than urs ...so she can live with me not yours. I see lot of issues ...rethink the proposal.
     
    justanothergirl, Oct 11, 2012
    justanothergirl, Oct 11, 2012
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    6 people like this.
  6. Oct 11, 2012 #6
    poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    if you want your marriage to work,you both need to stay in a seperate house excluding both sets of parents and respective families....this should be the norm...both parents can be helped by financial strategical budgets.
     
    poojachinoy, Oct 11, 2012
    poojachinoy, Oct 11, 2012
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  7. Oct 11, 2012 #7
    whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    my dad has a mistress so yes.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
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  8. Oct 11, 2012 #8
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    OP,

    Let your fiancée's mother move into your huge spacious house. You and your wife move out to a small cozy apartment. :)

    Make sure your phone number is unlisted. :)
     
    Rihana, Oct 11, 2012
    Rihana, Oct 11, 2012
    #8
    1 person likes this.
  9. Oct 11, 2012 #9
    whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    i'll buy her mother a house in the country she's living in now if she agrees to stay there. [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
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  10. Oct 11, 2012 #10
    whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    This would be ideal, but it's not going to happen.

    I seriously would buy the future MIL a house where she's living right now if she'd agree to stay there.
     
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
    whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012
    #10
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