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Female colleagues attitude

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by sweety127, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    The girls in my institute have completely sidelined me and I have always been alone..( am the only south indian, i get better promotions seems to be the reason etc)...Have tried a lot to mingle in vain so i just thought enough is enough and started concentrating on my personal and professional life..When I got married I invited everyone..not a single wish came my way..When they got married none bothered to send me an invitation..During lunch sessions I go alone always and would try to sit with them and strike a conversation but they ignore me completely and if am alone in a table they would purposely go and sit in the table adjacent to mine..many incidents this way..

    This is regarding one of my female colleague..She is 1 yr junior to me..We had a sort of hi bye relationship..We went onsite last yr for 2 months and she was so nice to me..We bonded so well and I considered her as a v good friend of mine..We hung out together and were literally so close all those days..To the extent that my husband serviced her vehicle completely from his pocket and also got her too a bouquet when we both landed in India..My parents, MIL have interacted with her and invited her to my home for lunch/dinner as she lives alone..There she started showing her true colours..even when i said hi she just did not care..along with her old set of friends she is back to what she was..same coldness and stares ignoring me in the dining area..cant even smile when we meet accidentally..

    I was disappointed but still could not ignore her and would smile irrespective of her reaction..Now am 6 months pregnant..even mere acquitances (esp men) ask me about my health but none of these girls have the basic courtesy to atleast smile at me..I badly need it..And this girl is worser in the lot..now its sarcasm added..I feel weak ladies..How to handle situations like this?
     
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  2. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sweety127,

    It's really weird behavior from your colleagues.

    Were there any issues or misunderstandings between you guys?

    Definitely there was some misunderstanding or problem, try to speak to them and find out the real problem, if possible sort it out with them.

    Unless you speak to them nothing will be solved.

    Goodluck
     
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  3. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you kcb..

    No there has not been a single instance of direct misunderstandings till date..I have always been polite to them..Also they do talk to me if needed without any inhibitions..I have been helpful..from the next day onwards same attitude starts..

    Had there been some misunderstandings I would have not had a second thought to say a sorry and sort out the issues..but the way they behave makes me wonder what wrong did i do? every single time I see them all these years..

    Also when we both were together, I clearly asked her too as to why you girls behave this way for which she said nothing..from now onwards we can stay as good friends..
     
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, I agree, may be there is no misunderstanding from your side......But may be there is some from their side.....

    You can ask them directly if some thing is bothering them which you are not aware....
     
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  5. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    I dont think its wise to spend time on trying to change people who dont care about you to care about you.
     
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  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    The girl , in abroad , was so well behaved as she needs u there as she is alone there, and wants somebody to go around.

    After coming to India , she doesn't t need u, even for anything they need , they know that u will treat them well, help them or give info related work etc.

    U are too good I think like no gossiping or making groups and doing politics etc. so they alienate u, i feel u better without their friendship ( see who is getting promotions and appreciation for their work) but sad that nobody is there for u to be friends with .

    They are jealous of u too. It makes them more jealous , even though they don't talk and ignore, u treat them well when they come to u. U are too good to them. I too want to know how to react other than ignore and minding our own business. Those people r dangerous if managers listen, they don't hesitate to take credit of ur work or show u down in their eyes, be careful, I too had similar experiences.
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You have the classic 'mean girls' clique at work. For whatever reason they have decided to be cold to you. They may be normal one-on-one but when they are in a pack you are excluded.
    Try not to chase after them.
     
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  8. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Are those girls junior to you?Maybe they think you as a senior/respected person and don't want to consider you as their league.Maybe you can find friends who are more matured and your age rather than trying to mingle with them.
     
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  9. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I'm surprised that colleagues do not have the decency to have a hi bye relation with a fellow colleague...If there is any misunderstanding they should be mature enough to sort it out with you than to sideline u like this...in my opinion it's jealousy and insecurity ..have seen few cases like this where many are jealous of successful people, they do not bother to work hard and spend time on unnecessary gossip and try to put down hardworking people to feel good..the fact that you got promoted several times proves this..yeah one girl was nice to u as she needed ur company onsite..but had no decency to be civil with you after returning..I suggest you maintain friendship with like minded and genuine people only..colleagues cannot always be good friends due to professional rivalry..and u r pregnant now, you should be glowing and happy not waste time worrying about these vamps!:) maybe they are jealous that you are married, settled and pregnant while they maybe having some personal issues..just sideline them and enjoy life, maintain a distant and professional relation with them and do not expect friendly gestures from them from now on..
     
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  10. divshiri87

    divshiri87 Gold IL'ite

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    Sweety,
    I was in same boat when i went abroad. Had many female colleagues but noone spoke to me for many months. First, i thought something is wrong with me but later understood that i was not like them. Actually they were not friends just talking only because they need some work to be done. I dont want that kind of friendship at all. so never bothered to talk. I again met one of those ladies in India after sometime but this time they spoke to me. I just said 'hi' nothing much. She tried to talk to me but i ignored. She tried to talk to me again few times but i never responded. Because i thought she will understand how i felt. I don't know whether she felt bad or not and i never thought of them.
     
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