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Feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by saradakathir, Apr 17, 2013.

  1. saradakathir

    saradakathir New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    Pls excuse my long vent...I really need to.
    I have always been following this forum as an onlooker but now I need direct help myself. I am married with a toddler son, he is one year old.
    I am in USA and I managed by delivery and postpartum myself (ofcourse with its ups and downs) I wont say I did a splendid job, coz there are several times I lost my cool and shouted DH and behaved like a psycho.
    Now that DS is a toddler, its more different exhaustion ...running around..He is not that bad at all, but may be coz am feeling weak and tired I am not able to mind even his smallest naughtiness/tantrums. I feel very guilty losing my cool with my son, he did no mistake except being an active little toddler. I want to be the nice mom but when I am angry at him and sometimes shout too much, I regret it later on. I get angry on husband for no reason, May be I expect him to do stuff.
    He does stuff wen I ask and when he could do, but not like he has his duties of child care...But granted, he has a very stressful job and I dont like to bother him a lot. I do not like "asking" for help.
    Situation is so, my parents cannot come to help me out, even if, its just temporary.
    I have always been a patient and cool person, what happened all of a sudden, why do i feel so overwhelmed that i hate life and find no meaning to it.
    I feel ridiculously bad saying all this coz am not even going to work, i have a peaceful life witih no major troubles, still truth is am not able to manage and i burst out in tears constantly running around washing,cooking,feeding,diapering,bathing, playing and discipling the little one. I am so tired that all of it bursts out as anger and frustration when hubby comes back from work.

    I am not even looking for solutions, but I want to know am I like the odd one :spin:spin for feeling like this?? Are there people who have been thru this?

    I am not financially in super state to afford day care, not even interested in it. I want to be cool and patient and NICE mom to my little boy. What shoudl I do to control temper? :bowdown
     
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  2. lucky2

    lucky2 Platinum IL'ite

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    trust me I have been going through this for so long and u penned down all my feelings!
    I never evr showed my anger on my son but definitely on my husband..out of frustration I shouted at him and gone through many mood swings..i strongly feel stay at home mom makes me sick at times and end up taking frustration on others..this stress had very bad impact on my health and tsh did shoot up because of this..!
    later I started going to gym and I get 1 hour or one and half hour for myself..i do workout..i did tried to keep my cool and stay calm and I guess it worked..before I used to cry for petty issues and on trivial things but in past 6 months I could see huge difference in my personality and im happy with that
    so finally take some time for yourself not necessarily gym..u leave your toddler with your husband and go for walk or library or park..anywhere you wish..!
     
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  3. luvli

    luvli Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sarada,

    If you have friends kids with whom your DS can play... you can form a playgroup.
    In a week, one day you can keep your friends kids at your home. That day your friends can completely have that day for themselves. When its your turn, you can completely relax that day and unwind yourself...

    Also, over the weekend, whenever its possible, ask your husband to take your kid outside for 2 or 3 hours...
    He can take your kid to grocery shopping, library, play area. Use this time to do stuff which you absolutely love... oil massage, warm bath, music, book, meditation... Pamper yourself... This might give you some energy for the next demanding week

    Also... keep reminding urself abt priorities...
    For me folding clothes comes as last priority. Dirty dishes can wait for sometime.
    I cook once in 2 or 3 days for us. We eat the same curry... I prepare fresh food daily only for my kid.

    Take care...
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2013
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  4. kirru

    kirru Silver IL'ite

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    It's common in most of them to burst out when they r in stress.
    Even I have a troddler he is also very active. I have to run behind hum for feeding him for playing with him and he is very naughty too.
    What I do is I use to complete my house hold work like cooking ,washing and all when my hubby is there at home because he will take care of my ds.
    Once he is left I will spend whole time with my ds like engaging him with toys r showing him some cartoons like that so I get some time to relax my self .You too try to engage him in some activity so that u will get some time to relax ur self.
     
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  5. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Go easy on home cleaning mode.. sky is not gonna drop down if the house is a little messy. cut yourself a little slack. above solutions are spot-on.
     
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  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Ah! You aren't alone!

    When things get too much for me, I put my toddler in the pram and go out. Mall if it is raining; park if it is nice. I leave the chaos of the home with its half cooked meal, messy living room and the unmade beds. The dishes and washed clothes are not even on my radar! That helps me cool down. And oh! I just buy lunch for me and my DD.

    Sorry but I couldn't help but frown when you say you don't like asking for help. One thing I've realized in my long married life is that my DH has no clue what I need right that moment. I doubt if he ever will! It upset me to no end at all. But then, I changed because I need to get stuff done without wanting to tear my hair out.

    Hence I've taken to giving short specific instructions. If I said "please change her nappy", he'd do it but the nappy mat, wipes etc. will still be on the living room floor. So, my instruction has become "please change the nappy and tidy everything away" "Please load the dishwasher before coming to bed AND TURN THE DAMN THING ON"

    No need to nag but then do ask for help, dear. It is ok to say that you are overwhelmed and need a hand with one thing or another. Have fun with you DS. xx

    :hide: EDIT: Sorry I completely disregarded the fact that you aren't looking for solutions!
     
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  7. saradakathir

    saradakathir New IL'ite

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    @Guesswho : You gave me laughs with ur "Please load the dishwasher before coming to bed AND TURN THE DAMN THING ON" :)
    Its not like I hate to hear the solutions, I am glad to get them ofcourse, but I was more concerned to know if am the completely odd nut case :(
     
  8. anmolhai

    anmolhai Platinum IL'ite

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    You are not alone!!!! You have to give yourself a lot of crdit that you managed delivery & postpartum yourself. Its not easy -- new baby & your own body recovering -- so Big hugs to you & pat on the back.

    Now about losing your cool well there are few things you can do to move in right direction.

    * Your toddler will grow up too fast so ENJOY this time with him ( coming frm a mom whose son is 17yrs)

    * House work will always be there so don't stress too much abt it.

    * Try to find play groups for ur lo, Library usually have toddler book time or something similar. It will be nice for him & you to come out & do something fun & to meet some people.

    * Everyday find some ME time, its imp for us moms to take care of our mental health to give our best to our families.

    *Communicate with dh ( I wish they could read our minds but they can't ;) ) Let him play with lo in the evening which will help with his stress too & give you some time to take care of other things or join them for some family time.

    all the best dear , take a breather :)
     
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  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    sarada, you are not a nut-case. Don't ever feel that way; its completely natural to feel frustrated.

    I am not going to suggest anything new and you dont want suggestions anyway. So, I will only tell what helped me; see if this helps

    1. What helped me before I joined work is going to walks in park/mall etc.

    2. Also, there were age appropriate story telling time at the near by library once a week. I used to take mine there. Its more for me than my toddler as I get to meet other moms, go for coffee later etc.

    3. We used to go picnics; just DD and me. I used to leave home at 9:30 after her morning nap. We used to go to conservation areas (huge parks actually); have a snack under a tree, go for long walks in the stroller, watch the ponds and fishes, have lunch there by the lake and return home in time for her afternoon nap.

    4. Next day we used to hang out in our neighbors place.

    5. Next day take him to the book store. We have a huge one here and every friday they had rhymes recitals.

    See...Monday to Friday I looked for activities to do. Just get out, meet people. Some times thats all we need. Other than one day at the conservation where we spend 3 hours, rest are all 1 to 1.5 hour outings. Since I have some adult time, I used to be able to be more patient with the little one too.

    See if you can do any of these. Just get out of the house.

    Also...perfectly alright to "ask" for help. Even if its as simple as handing you son over and going to pamper yourself in a parlor or just soaking in a warm water tub for 30 minutes.
     
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  10. luvli

    luvli Silver IL'ite

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    Rakhii, I really liked the picnic idea... eating snack under tree :)
    I usually take her to parks... But its just play time. This should be different...


     

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