feeling very lonely in U.S

abc00 · Aug 15, 2015

@anika987 loved every bit of your reply. It was like me writing it because I followed the same and could make myself smile at the end of the day. It took a while for me too to realise my strengths and weaknesses.

@gankita, you have Indusladies to atleast vent your feelings. Many of us did not have any such resource to share your grief when we landed in USA. Consider yourself lucky dear because someone is able to hear you, relate to your situation and give you suggestion. Follow anika's pointers...it cannot be done overnight , so stay calm and do not get agitated. First make up your mind and tell yourself positive about this country everyday. I agree married life can be more beautiful here without family interferences. So good luck and please update the thread about your changed mindset.

gankita · Aug 15, 2015

really liked all your suggestions Anika.
That's what i think everytime i come to U.S (have been coming on and off)
planing to r2i since long but dh not getting any opportunity.

will explain what happened this time.
1) dh took a rented apt where i don't get to see anyone whole day. There are not even pavements where can i walk and take my son close by.
no park close by.
If u have to go 0.2 mile, u need car( as its on highway3 and no pavements)
ofcourse not his fault, as we moved new and he had o idea, i was in India.

2) we thought we will take 2nd hand car and learn driving. A week after i arrived, houston had big flood. Our car was in total loss and we had to take rented car for a month. ( i cant think of 2nd car; we started looking for 2nd hand car for himself as u know the rental car charges.
Our tv, gps and cable box were damaged too in power circuit.

3) we were running for car insurance, for 2nd hand car, gps, Tv
4) His work timings are 8:30 am to 7 pm.
comes home around 8p.m
It was geeting hectic for him to drop my ds to and from school as he doesn't get any lunch break. we put him to school on alternate days.
5) ds was feeling very lonely at home all day with no kids around.

I know its not with everyone and it usually happens with when i come to U.S:bang
there would be something or other. I suffer from PCOD , thyroid so periods always problem.
took progestrone to bring periods, got verry weak and dehydrated; need to have i.v,
went to urgent care and they had no iv available.

All these situations made life so miserable. I told him to shift to another community with Indians / or more around. He was not willing to. He said what idf you still feel home sick, better go to India and he will plan to come.
I am posting here to take suggestions from you all how to handle all this.
I don't feel good staying with parents for so long in India.

I wanted to do some master's degree to keep myself busy.
If i plan to come to U.S, i can't sit home (his work hours are very long). Ia m from science background.
So please suggest some masters degree too that will help me get good job.
I am feeling helpless.

anika987 said: ↑

Can I tell u something! I am not going to lie.it will be tough for sometime but life is USA is an eye opener.i will tell u in a moment.

before that..
grass is greener on the other side.i got the good luck to stay in India last year for more than four months and life is very different from the life u lived before marriage and after marriage.let me assure u that.ur friends move to different places,things change,thoughts change.it does.

now about USA as a eye opener..

when I first came here,I was devastated.i thought one thing but life is a whole different thing.for few years,I literally went into depression and life got better after kids.never made good friends and the ones I did moved back.

first somehow get a second hand car and know ur bus routes..

so finally it dawned to me that life is what we make of it.if u r here,might as well make the best use of things USA has to offer which we won't get to do in INdia.then no regrets!

1) learn driving.it is a pleasure driving here.

2) study/get a job- definitely more confident.even if u just study,u won't be judged that u r studying at a particular age and job u will get here at any age unlike our country.

3) take care of ur health and go to gym.use those facilities.even if we have it in india,day today it is very tiring to go to gym after handling kids and work back in INdia.get a great body and flaunt it!

4) avoiding Inlaws drama on a day to day basis.

5) more privacy and less interference.

8)read good books and watch good movies.

9) save money and go to vacations here which we cannot even dream of if we are in our country.

10) u live in a more cosmopolitan atmosphere which unknowingly increases your social skills without ur knowledge.

11) life is not just about sitting and gossiping,talking about our old days and drinking coffee.yes,it is good but it is ONLY good with like minded friends.be it INdia or USA,friendship is never going to be same like the past coz we have an history with our old friends.so even if u r in INdia,it is not going to be the same.

12)do u know how many threads are here from people in India looking for friends and saying they r lonely?what does that say?if u do not believe search for the threads

13) learn cooking and do awesome dishes for hubby.customize home beautifully.u also have ample time to beautify ur self here.

14) life is more relaxing here.period.

15) going to a vacation in INdia will be lot more fun than staying there coz u will see only the good side of our country and it will rejuvenate you.

16) more private time with hubby.u can attract him physically and emotionally and increase the bond between u.

I can keep giving more points but will stop now

lofe a a life with no regrets,be positive and life a love which others will envy and be inspired.spread ur energy around.

good luck.
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abc00 · Aug 15, 2015

@gankita, look for volunteering options in your area in your area of interest (science). You can google with the zipcode or look up in volunteermatch website.

sruthia · Aug 17, 2015

nice one.... came out of experience. I agree with you on many points. Most of the things i'm following to spend the time usefully.

Should do some course and start working. But lot of obstacles as i have to depend on my DH for everything.

Houstonlady · Aug 18, 2015

Hi ,
I live in Houston . I live in southwest Houston. I am looking for friends too .

breeze01 · Aug 18, 2015

Hi lady...where in southwest are you from...I also live in southwest....looking for friends too...let's see if we can get in touch

rihadesigns · Sep 11, 2015

Hi all, looking for friends in 77056 surroundings , thanks

Sarayuviz · Feb 15, 2016

Hi'
anyone active in this group?

rihadesigns · Feb 29, 2016

Yes..........................

NehaYS · Mar 8, 2016

Anika,

Very nice reply. I have gone through the same process. I go through phases of depression as well or should i say loneliness. But it will get better as you will try to make efforts towards making friends.

Where do you stay Anika?

If u r nearby we can plan to meet.