Feeling very depressed and I don't like my life

anjuanju · Oct 31, 2012

Hi,
It's been a while i have posted in this forum.

as I told you in my previous post, I am staying away from my husband (you can read my previous posts). my Husband called me one or two times during this period and said that my life will not be good if i take divorce from him and I will come to know about this later. but he never told that he will be good with me in future and don't repeat the mistakes he did before every single day I cry before sleeping .

Today , Not just today I feel very bad with my life every single day. as every one suggested when i posted last time, I concentrated on my job I am doing very good in in my job but I don't understand what for I am living . I feel like I am working hard just to cry after cumming home.

I don't know will i ever come out of this pain and loneliness.
Sorry i felt very bad. So I posted it here.

Thanks,
Anju

rajsriya · Oct 31, 2012

hi anju

U shud be proud of urself that u r financially independant. U definitely must have have thought abt pros and cons of taking a divorce. If u r confident that ur decision to get separated is justified since u see no hope in improving this relationship u should go ahead. I hope u have good support system in terms of ur own family and friends who are there for u. Its a human nature to point others mistakes and constantly make others feel guilty and let others get confused and if he is husband like yours , he is definitely doing it to u. So just come out of it think about everything as third party to the scenario you will find your answers.

People tend to make u feel lonely .U r not the only one in this world who is facing this situation.Believe u r strong person and u will come out of it. If u r moving out of this relationship believe this is for ur own good,

Sorry i havent read ur previous posts. I am suggesting based on this one. Everyone in this world even if they have a fulfilled life all of us at some point or the other feel lonely so its not a big deal.

U r economically independant thats a big plus for u. There are people living in worst situations than u. Come out of the self pity mode.

Good Luck.

sumaramesh · Oct 31, 2012

Dear Anjuanju

sorry i could not read your previous posts..

But ask this Question to yourself..

Are you happy staying all alone by yourself ??

What future have you planned for yourself being alone ?? (Planning to divorce and remarry ??)

Do you have slight confidence or hopes, that things mite change, as you both have taken break ??

Trust me, men wont openly apologise nor accept that its there mistake, instead he's atleast APPROACHING
you (AS he has your need, and may be also loves you), but instead of telling he needs you, and divorce wont work
hes trying to scare you that you would suffer from divorce...

So since he himself has approached you, try to meet him for discussion...
Dont demand or make a rule, but tell him what all hurted you, and what changes you are looking forward
At same time, ask him what changes does he look forward in you.. (Dont blame him for breakup,) but
try to come to a conclusion of what both can do to work this, tell him clearly, your gonna stay with him for
3months and see if it works, and guess 3months is enough to judge/decide..

He has called you, so go back, later point of time you should never feel you should have given a try.
So if u make a pact, and stay and observe him 3 months, whatever decision you take tom, you wont regret...

Never quit your job.... All the best dear, dont worry bad time is like clouds, it will pass and good time will surely come...

cantresistusa · Oct 31, 2012

he is trying to scare you because he dont want leave you. also just because your are doing job it doesnt mean you can go for divorce.
your spouse cant promise arguments will not occur again or daily routine figths do exist, you accept it.

Can you demand your parents not to argue or shout at you? if they are not shouting, they may be spoiling you that not to point your mistakes.

it is not good idea staying away, both of you have to control your limits. if anyone cross boundary line, it is difficult to come together.
your spouse didnt repent what he did, thats what you mean. Did you say sorry openly and move on your life.

at the end of day, happiness and family matters. arguments do come and we learn from it.

justanothergirl · Oct 31, 2012

Dear Anju
Read ur previous posts.....Your husband is an abuser and a womanizer. I really dont see much hope unless he makes a conscious decision to turn around his life and marriage. Unfortunately just your wishing for it wont make that happen. You have come a long way. He is a bully trying to get you down by calling you. Ignore him. Dont pick up his calls. Then change ur number. File for a divorce and make sure the b** pays good alimony.
A bad marriage is not the end of life. Try to find a support group near ur area . Best wishes.

Saumyamom · Nov 1, 2012

I second JAGs thoughts

hgulla · Nov 1, 2012

Hi Anju,

I read through all your posts and feel very sorry for the situation you are in. I am in a similar situation except that I am in the opposite end of the spectrum. My wife wants a divorce and we plan to file in January. I had posted 2 threads on my situation. I do not want to say my sob story again to everyone, so please read through it if you wish to know.

You have to stay strong, I think your husband is never going to change and strongly feel divorce is your only option. I can’t imagine the sort of person he is and wondering why he even got married to begin with because he would have been very happy if he was single. Also the next time he hits you, call the cops, don’t worry about his visa status. If he is not worried getting convicted for DUI or involving himself with escorts, I don’t think you should worry about his visa either. Solicitation (with escorts) is a misdemeanor charge although doesn’t end up jail time. He is willing to take all these risks, also the risk of getting STD through these escorts. If both are drunk, would he put his condom properly? I don’t know. If you decide forgive and patch up with him DO NOT have sex again unless he tests himself and comes out negative for all STDs.

Please don't think your life is wasted. Everyone has setbacks. Nothing is permanent in our life, not even setbacks and pain. I used to feel terrible of not making any progress in life in terms of a happy married life and kids. I think even now what did I do wrong to end up like this? The reality is that we can only control so much in a marriage, we need both hands to clap. We just have to adapt to changes and go with the flow, however rough the path may be. It is one thing to say this, but it’s totally different to undergo this. You are not alone in this.

You need to establish a circle of friends and should get the support and comfort from your family. Do not hide anything from parents, you should tell them everything. No one can comfort us like family, trust me, been there done that. Try to get certifications in your line of work, get involved in sites like meetup_com and do hikes and other activities they have. It is a great way to meet people too. You could appear vulnerable to some guy who knows your situation, so try and be careful about that too. You don’t want additional burden and pain.

Don’t think that you need family/marriage because you are not outgoing etc. and don’t let that be a deterrent for you to not go for divorce. I think anyone can become outgoing and establish a good circle of friends and have a great social life. I personally know someone who used to be an introvert, but she became such a social butterfly all of a sudden and she has so many friends now. It’s all about confidence and meeting the right set of people. Most people are not judgmental, at least in US, that’s what makes it great to live here.

You need to make the efforts to come out of the pain and loneliness by making some bold decisions and getting out of your comfort zone . No one can make it for you, you have to do it yourself. Whatever happens to you from now, it can ONLY be better.

All the best my friend!

whatisaguytodo · Nov 1, 2012

hgulla said: ↑


You have to stay strong, I think your husband is never going to change and strongly feel divorce is your only option. I can’t imagine the sort of person he is and wondering why he even got married to begin with because he would have been very happy if he was single. Also the next time he hits you, call the cops, don’t worry about his visa status. If he is not worried getting convicted for DUI or involving himself with escorts, I don’t think you should worry about his visa either.

Click to expand...

The question really is how will his visa status affect her. If she's on a dependent visa she will have to go back.

hgulla · Nov 1, 2012

I thought she said she was working, so she probably is in work visa.

whatisaguytodo · Nov 1, 2012

hgulla said: ↑

I thought she said she was working, so she probably is in work visa.
Click to expand...

You're right. If she's got a work permit, there are no problems.