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Feeling so dejected in life!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by flower234, Feb 9, 2013.

  1. flower234

    flower234 Junior IL'ite

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    Hello ladies,

    I think i come to IL whenever i am in tears only..
    Let me pen down shortly.. Ours was an intercaste marriage.. After a big struggle i got married in july 2012.. By the time we got married i think we lost the essence of happiness.. We were ok.. Not like all bubbly love marriage.. It was just ok.. Both of us were employed.. He Never helps me.. I keep complaining and life was on going on.. I was working in leading IT Firm from india and then transferred to onsite.. I am not workaholic but i love work place and to meet people.. After 7 yrs of work life suddenly they terminated me because of lack of projects.. I wasnt given offshore transfer.. I feel thats end of my life.. Its been 2 months now i am unable to come of it.. To me i feel that i lost a kith and kin.. I cry aloud in bathroom and in bedsheets., to my husband it is like just a work ..leave.. If ii talk or cry he will wear his head phones..cant tell more to my parents.. I m trying to divert as much as possible.. But unable to digest the fact.. Now converting l2 and apply ead and all these takes 3-6 months.. I am unable to sit at home.. Thoughts keep haunting me.. I feel like running back to india and sleeping in mom's lap.. Without a caring person at home my life is miserable.. We dont ve much of friends here.. I hardly meet people.. Just Talk over phone or fb.. Thats it...'we cannot afford any classes or anything.. My husband is having lot of loans.. So he cannot afford.. We dont go outside even.. Bcoz of money.. Before when i was working, i used to take care of all household expenses and my husband will spend for all entertainment expenses.. We were pulling on.. I dont complaint for that.. All i need is people and some comforting words... Shall i go back to india and join some work.. How can i come out of this?? All he does is be in mobile browsing full time.. I tried explaining to him but no use.. I think if this continues i will become a psycho very soon!!!!:""(
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2013
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  2. Manjuananthu

    Manjuananthu Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey,

    I was in your shoes some time back!!! I am working..Yet I feel too lonely and friendless..No one cares too..Everyone just minds their business..My ponderings went endless..when I remade my mind..

    Few words of Advice

    a) Always keep busy. Frame a tight schedule. Like wake up at 7.00..Excercise,cook a new receipe, listen to a rocky song, try to watch a comedy scene, read newspaper on laptop, call a friend..
    b) Never expect anyone to solve your problem. You can never find one. Never leave India now. Just wait for some more time. Solve sudoku..Start watching serials. I knw thats little weird on serials sometime. but it gets you to some routine when you are jobless..Take a walk outside all alone..

    You do these for a week,then you will start loving the time you are at home. Slowly time changes and afterall after every winter there is spring.

    Dont worry !!!Things will change
     
    6 people like this.
  3. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    With 7 yrs experience, you will certainly get a job, sooner or later. Have patience. Till then think of it as official vacation. Relax & have fun. Do everything that you wanted to do, but could not because of job.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    You need to find the definition of yourself. I think you have used your employment as the definition of who you are but that is a very limited definition. Start meditating on what is your core...what you are more than your job. You might as well do this now as when you are off for a baby or retired its going to hit you and those times are more stressful than now.

    You need to get out of the house and see some folks. Go to the library...it's free. Sit at the mall and watch folks. Take a thermos and some snacks so you don't need to buy anything. Some places have walking paths inside and lots of folks doing that. Maybe you will make a friend.
     
    3 people like this.
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I am glad you took the time to post a thread, instead of moping away a Friday into a weekend. This shows you know what is happening to you, and you also want to come out of it. Your post is quite lucid, and that is good.
    Every morning, even though you are not going to work, wake up and do the usual routine - shower, breakfast, and get dressed. Have a routine. This is very important - have a routine, and stick to it at least 80% of the time.

    Find a gym, and go join group classes. This is also key. It will take you out of the house, and you will meet other people, even if you don't talk to them. It will be worth the money. You can find good deals if you look. For example, Costco has this good offer for 24 Hr fitness membership.

    Find online classes related to your area of work. If you are in the software area, consider working on public domain software. Join technical forums.

    And, log in to IL regularly. Just 15-20 minutes every day of interacting with the great folks here will make you feel better. But, be warned, it is addictive...
     
    3 people like this.
  6. flower234

    flower234 Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you so much.. Trying to main a schedule as much as possible..hope to see spring soon..:)
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2013
  7. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I understand your feelings, as I stayed in abroad for 5 years without much social life but I was working though, I know it's stressful when you r laid off but don't panic may be GOD has something better In store for u, use this time for yourself & for building rapport with ur dh, cook him his favourite recipes as you won't get much time once u start working, check on your health, enhance your beauty, read some good books, if you r religious do some prayers, to enjoy with ur dh not required for u to always go out & spend money, cook some new dish, dress up nicely&arrange a candle light dinner at home,surprise your dh, iam sure he will be thrilled, live your life to the fullest just don't depend on anyone for your happiness trust me no one has time these days... It's very sad tht we Indians just think tht Job is everything to us, but the fact is life is much beyond tht( even I realised the same by observing my Brit friends), pls don't move to India people r much busy here& even job market is little tough now...enjoy dear have fun...
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    Flower(nice username ),

    there must be many things which you wanted to do when you were working like cooking,painting,exercising..........just take this break as an opportunity to do whatever you longed to do & it will help you when you go for interview as they are sure to ask what are you doing after leaving job....it sounds really positive when you reply ' am learning to cook OR I have joined gym..........

    secondly ,who says entertainment needs money.......go to parks,go to malls,library..........
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. seethavarma

    seethavarma Gold IL'ite

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    RIhana will you take tutions to give sensible answers!
    For free:):):):):):)
     
  10. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey flower
    Already lot of members have given you good advice ,I can just add that try to keep busy and even if you are not working , follow a routine. It will keep your mind busy.
    Take this as a oppertunity to learn something new. Try to find a hobby which does not cost much, like cooking, gardening or anything you like.
    Also one thing , I hope you don't find it rude but to be honest no one likes a person who is always crying and gloomy.agreed that you are in a difficult phase of your life but there are many people who loose jobs and then can better job after sometime. Although your husband should support you but may be he is under stress himself and in a way he is right it is just a job:) so chin up
    Upgrade your skills, volunteer, do something for others and try to find happiness in yourself :)

    My best wishes to you:)
     
    1 person likes this.

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