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feeling nervous about india trip

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Mitaraonew, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. Mitaraonew

    Mitaraonew New IL'ite

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    I will be going to India on sister's wedding but feeling nervous with the thoughts what situations are lying there for me..

    4 yrs before , during my middle sis wedding and even after that there had been lot of issues and dramas betn me and in laws that our relations got strained to an extent that I totally stopped going at my in laws place; however never stopped DH and DDs going there.. my relations with DH are now improved for a year but whenever parents topics arise arguments start..

    now youngest sis wedding is just on 15 days but mu DH has still not booked the tickets (even after telling in advance)..I got tired of telling him that I am the eldest and need to be with my parents for help but his standard answer is I am trying to book ASAP.


    Now he is putting up conditions that I have to stay at ln laws place at least for a day or else in laws will not attend the wedding..while parents are saying dont spoil your moods with cry and drama.. You can go there after wedding is over..anyways we need you for help before wedding rituals ..Honestly speaking I agree with parents taking lessons from previous bitter incidents ..(MIL did not attend wedding spreading I insulted her not offering seat in the crowd in fact offering hers to a handicapped old lady.. God forbid it was not intentional I was tired of apologizing ) and then not giving her extra wedding invitations to invite guests on in laws side.. (again whome to invite was in parents control and nt mine)

    DH is also making excuses saying , hope his presence not required before wedding day as he has office colleague's son's mundan ceremony to attend 2 days before..
    From his talks I felt he jus wanted to be guest as a stranger and not to help as family member..I dont have brother and hope there may be some help required for my father ..isnt it obvious that wedding house will be full of hustle bustle busy with activities although may not be main ceremonies.. but as per him he is not asked for offering help and is simply sitting..instead let him have his own plans..

    Sorry I am venting out ...maybe this is an answer he may be giving because i am avoiding going to his house.. but this time I am preparing myself mentally that no surprises if even he chooses not to attend wedding..

    What fun people get spoiling life time events in someone's life..
    may be i am thinkin too much..PMS :(
     
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  2. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I understand MIL created issues and you have no interest in going to her place.

    But given how high the stakes are, is it not possible for you to go stay at their place even for a day before the wedding? It is only a day and had you agreed to go stay at his place for a day, you would have reached your mom's place much sooner instead of putting up with his drama about not booking your tickets and prioritizing his colleagues function over his wife's family.

    I totally get this is blackmail by your H but I believe you must pick your battles. Some are worth fighting for, others you must learn to let go. Your relationship with H is improving, now is NOT the time to continue pulling the old issues and spoil the gains you have had so far.

    Everyone has to compromise in life, you do so now so that your relationship with H can improve. Once things reach a stage that your H is willing to listen to your view point, you can slowly take further steps. Go to his home OP. He is only asking you to stay for 1 day. Don't let petty things cause bigger issues. JMHO.
     
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  3. ottawagirl

    ottawagirl Senior IL'ite

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    In the same boat. Emotional drama and blackmail from in-laws and hubby. To put situation under control, I did went over there for a day, and then got my son back to my parents house. I didn't insist on having my hubby over. Remember,this is the time where they will want their son to be be truly patriotic and stand by them..let it be. This is your sister, your moment to savor so go finish up the 1 day ritual..then take ur kids and go to your parents house. Cut a break to your hubby and say, come by for the wedding with your parents. Don expect from indian men:) they are made certain way!
    Good luck. Enjoy your sister's wedding.
     
  4. maya9876

    maya9876 Silver IL'ite

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    OP, I agree with the rest of them here.. definitely just say ok to your hubby and stay with them for one day. He will calm down and will be in a better mood for the rest of the time atleast. With indian families they expect certain formalities out of tradition. At the end of the day it is his family, the family he grew up with so he is goin to take their side to a certain extent. And 1 day out of your entire holiday is not that bad in the big picture. So I suggest, make your hubby and inlaws happy stay 1 day and enjoy rest of your holiday with sis's wedding activities :) All the best
     

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