Feeling low and alone.. single/Divorced women settled abroad ..how to manage?

Hi Dear... first of all it is really very nice to see you put so much efforts to improve your life. At this stage pls do not bother about parents. I know you must be finding it very difficult to deal with them. But hold on, just like your past, these days will also vanish for good.

Once you get job abroad, all these thing wont matter, so do not worry about managing now. Mostly in outside countries, people dont care if some is alone or divorced. They give humanity more importance than anything else (atleast it happens here in US). So dont get these thoughts now on how to manage in abroad.

Right now, ignore your parents, shut your room door and then start surfing net. Why dont you join a gym to improve self confidence and body shape too. Else join yoga.. this will eventually help you releive some stress.

The friends who ignore you are really not your true friends. Chuck them out of your mind as well. Do not bother about them. For alliances dear... I do not know, so cant say anything. All I can say is... this time will pass by soon and days will come soon where you shall be really happy and in your best (TOUCHWOOD).

Just hang in there and we are all here to support you.

 

You will be fine,don't worry. You are right you need a change of place and need to be independent. I think you should stop thinking about marriage and first fix the issues in your life. If you have gained some weight, don't worry.start a fitness regimen. It's not hard at all. You can go for morning and evening walks to begin. Also eat early dinner by 7 pm and go to bed by 10 pm. That helps in the beginning. Eat fruits if you feel hungry.Cut off fried food and give up rice to only once a week.

You are staying with parents so you can at least depend on them for day to day help.Wherever you stay it's your attitude that will make life easy for you.
Use your anger to get your life in order.Good luck.
P.S once you join a gym or yoga , you will make new friends. Forget the old ones. Also life abroad is not all roses, so start putting your life together in India and in parallel start looking for jobs here too.
FL

 

Dear IVL,
Donate your old out of shape clothes , exchange them for steel utensils if you cant give them away. It will make space for your new set of well-fitting clothes.
Buy a few nice well fitting outfits , no need to discuss with Mom. Mom being Mom will try to make you carry on with your old clothes .
Get a makeover, visit a good beauty parlour and start taking beauty treatments, it feels great to be pampered even if you pay for it!

 

My hugs to you dear.

First of all stop blaming others and take control of everything you need to change.This will give you more confidence and improve your self esteem.

Focus one at a time.Focus on losing weight,changing your food habits and then get new clothes/new haircut for yourself.Do not ask your mom for designs.Tell her you like it this way.Once you feel confident and relaxed start your matrimonial search once again.Good luck.

 

What you need to do first,is stop looking for a guy to validate you. The road of desperation only leads to despair and blabla. But with the "im am not fit for anyone (shape)" attititude your just going to attract all the wrong guys for all the wrong reasons. Some seemly nice n cool guys have a sixth sense for insecure women who they can freely submit and degrade in order to feel better themselves. I think you have been there,done that, do you really want to go back there so bad? From my own expirience, you wont find that life partner when you are desparltyt looking for him around every corner but rather when you least feel likely for relationship because you know its not only ok to be single but also very fun because you have come to like and appriachte yourself.Guys arent really blown away by the clingly insecure girl that sees only life value in that one relationship but they rather feel drawn to the girls that rock their world and accept who they are and know how to highlight their positive side. But then who cares what guys are looking for and what they want? Whats important what do you want for yourself? You free,you can experiment what works and feel good for you and what doesnt.If you want to do sports and become a fitter person by all means go for it! Just dont do it for the mysterious imaginary boyfriend you have never met.if you are serious about going abroad you start doing your research about your future host country. Online you can look at their clothes typ,maybe you feel some of it might flatter you and some of it wont suit you. You can try doing your hair different so you look different whatever.you can also inform yourself about culture, work culture, private culture,customs and other things that are helpful to know for a first timer. You can search for tips to battle homesickness and print them out so you have them at hand when it strikes.
If you really serious about losing some pounds i would buy a really nice dress one or two sizes below your current one. Its a good motivation continuing sport to fit in that dress one day. And very rewarding when you finally do

 

Hi dear,

I totally understand you... Coz even I've been through a rough patch in life. Good that you are applying for jobs abroad. Hope you get soon. New place new friends and new life. Try to apply for some courses too. You can study again. Keep yourself engaged. Whenever you get dejected go to the gym and workout vigorously. I did that. Though I lost weight or not is not a matter, you are showing ur anger on some other activity which will defn help you reduce weight. I used to dress my nicely. My friend has a breakup.. To distract herself she started doing window shopping and wear on nice makeup and clothes. This did bring back her confidence. Even I try to do the same

I stay in the same city of my ex. I recently came to know he got married. I was shattered. Kept on crying that he has been lucky in everything and not me... I always pray God that I shouldnt meet him anytime in my life... What else to do I have to motivate myself... So please motivate yourself... There is something better. Life is a quest lets try to find out the reason/purpose for our birth... may be we have something else better to do and not the regular married have children life...

When I get dejected I read about people who are worse than me.. That makes me feel better. Think that I'm in a better position. Please try that

 

If I had to guess, I would say that the 'v' in ivlakshmi stands for 'Vijaya'. Your name obligates you to be the giver of bounty and to win. I hope you do!
Don't identify with your negative thoughts. They are just vapor. There is no substance to them. Just tell yourself that you are going to live up to your name!

 

"as for the future, your task is not to see it, but to enable it"
Everything can seem overwhelming at first,thats why it might help if you break down tasks into minitasks and babysteps, that way you might make slow but steady progess. If you are in a rut,you should try to break out from the routine that is bogging you down and try do something and different then usual to help you get a fresh perspective of the previously unseen possiblities. If you are really severly depressed, you should seek help. At any rate you can realize your dreams,the problem is that dreams might turn out different from how you thought they would. That happens to everyone. Some things look tougher then they actually are but you will never find out if you dont try it.