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feeling like to die!!!please help me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by helpmegod, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. helpmegod

    helpmegod New IL'ite

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    hi ladies!!

    you all knnow that i am trying for a baby. from long..i got yeast infection after i come newyork so i maintained distance with my hubby fro 3months.later on, i got my periods i chekced my ovulaton and intercourse in last month but dint work out and afina i am not in periods from long almost 3months.... but i am not conceive too..

    day by day my husband is changing. and not having nay physical interaction he is behaving different not talking much not having intercourse... but behaving normal he totally lost intrest on me... scraming on me.. i am also feeling depressed day by dya..

    feeling like to die...

    he is blackmailing me that after this projct will take me to inida and will leave u there..like that he is blackmailing..me...totally i am streeout with him... he id keeping some feeling on me that ia m not understading...

    i am feeling like to die...i dont have any support from him inlaws...nothing... what to do...

    he wants to levae me now..as here its usa he is afaiidng as i may call 911..
    so he is keep on telling me lets go to india will show u the things...
    liek that he is blackmailing..please ladies..
    what to do..now adays i ma feleing like to die whenever i am lonely or wheneveri ma with my husband his actions are making me depressed and feeling lke to suicide my self..

    mentally i am becoming stressd..

    i do not know how i wrote this may u understand or not....but gime some solution..

    i wnat some hope to live my life...
     
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  2. hopefulforbest

    hopefulforbest New IL'ite

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    please do not stress your self out and do something hasty. every problem has a solution too. i am sure ladies out there will pour in clever suggestions to you.sending my hugs to you. be brave.will pray for u.do not get depressed.
    all will be well
     
  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear,

    I really don't know what to write.I know some of my friends who doesn't have kids went and adopted kids.If your husband acting that way then there is no value in your relation.
    If you get more worry then things turn more negative.I didn't heard anywhere for yeast infection you need to be away.Even east Infection go away in a week or so.
    Only thing pleaes don't get stressed out.If got given you some destiny then we can't avoid it.Be strong and you can handle your life.Don't fall for your husband crap.
     
  4. moncy

    moncy New IL'ite

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    My dear,

    Just read your own post... You want to die? for what?

    How can you even think of ending your life just because you are not able to conceieve or because your husband or inlaws are not supporting you.

    If you dont love yourself , how can you expect anyone to love you?

    My dear , I know you must be so depressed and frustrated thats why you have written like this. Dont worry , pray well.

    See first of all , from your post, I gather that you are not in good terms with ur husband. So to make sure , I want to know , how is your relationshiop with your husband?

    I know most men will feel stresssed out when the lady is behind them to do intercourse as per schedule in order to have a kid. Many men cant handle this pressure. So maybe thats why he is backing away from you.

    But there is no reason for him to behave so badly with you ?Why is he not supporting you? Why should he black mail you?

    And if you are not in good terms with your husband , why do you even want to have a child with this man?

    What about your parents? What is their say in this matter?

    If your husband tells you we'll go to India, say ok . Lets see what he plans to do. Dont show you are frightened. That will only encourage him.
    See India is your own country. Once you reach there, he cannot do anything. You can very well work and stand on your own feet and travel on your own without depending on your husband. Unlike US where if you are on H4 , you cannot even work and if you dont drive, you are dependent on your husband. So if he is trying to threaten you by saying we'll go to India, say fine .

    Dear friend, please dont ever think of giving up your life for anybody. NOBODY is worth your life ! If you are feeling very depressed , you can always vent out your emotions on indusladies. We are all there for you. A better solution would be to see a councellor or a doctor. Think all positives about your self. I am sure you are a smart and kind woman . Try to go to gym and become more fit . Or take up a hobby .

    And think carefully whether you really want to have a child with a man who is not supportive and blackmailing you !

    Please, I repeat Please dont ever think of ending your life , it is a GOD -GIVEN GIFT to us.

    Lots of love,

    Moncy.
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2010
  5. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Hang on ! What is this ? A suicide note ?

    I didnt understand your issue.. That you trying for a baby and it is not happening because of non-cooperating hubby ?

    WHy is is he threatening you that he will ' dump " you in India ? why is he scared of 911 here ? Does he abuse you ?

    If he is so scared of legal help you might take, then the issues must be serious.. You thinking of having a baby with him ?

    Girl, what next, get pregnant and hubby wil be the same and you will ' live ' for the baby ?? C'mon ! Never live for anyone hubby/ parents / kids.. ALWAYS LIVE FOR YOURSELF.. THAT IS LIFE..

    Are you just venting out this one baby issue or you have more to say ?

    What is happening ?
     
  6. helpmegod

    helpmegod New IL'ite

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    thnaks ladies!!!!

    for giivng me some soothing words.
    sorry dont think that i am writing a big story here..

    i am married in april 2008 , and in california on may 16th.i have irregular periods..my first year married life was so bad.. as in every one lifes. difernt taste!!my hubby is so silent never involve in any matters not sentimental not intrested in priaisng one ;s effort or not intretsed to design atlest his carrer.. too. he is totaly selfish too.. very very cunning..

    we wen tback to inida as our contarct was 1year in claifornia and back to chennai in march 2009,there my sil used tostay beside of my home she have kid tooo. she doest stay with her inlaws she is beside of us..daily mrng she comes and leaves in nyt .they do nothoin mein there conversation i do not have frnds they never allo me to go out atleast ..i was totoaly bored in chennai in room whole day my hubby goes to office at 7 nd comes at 10 or 11 sometimes.. my fil is a bank manaer they made tiht not even call to my mom they named me that i am claling chori chori to some frnds inrom even i close my door and sits with lap she used to say some nonsense.. that period was very very worst.. i asked my huby to support me as sil is coming to home daily and occupying all place not talkingto me..the he said that he cannot stop that...
    i wasall alone for 4months by god grace sharada devi i came agian t newyork for 1 year.. which is completing inthis july (2010).


    i have irregular periods from before marraige..
    thay knew toonow saying that i ahve some problem with me we cheated them thats my mil problem .she is not at all good terms with me..as my sil have a lot jelaous on me tha i am leaidng a better life than her. she is mba topper and she had alove marriage .

    after coming here (newyork) in july i had yeast infection went to docotr and had tratment it took me to cure for 3motnhs up toseptmber. then in ocobet i tracked my ovulution day and had intercourse in cotober.but yet now i dint getmy periods i chekce but not conceive..yet now i dint t my periods.. i am sodisturbed and depressed too..

    now a days even my husband looosng intrest on me.. and i have bug bear fear of india . becase i dont like to stay in chennai. as i dontknow anyone in chennai ia m basiclaly frm hyderan\bd. i am not getitng nay job too inchennai as they are asking me i know tamil or not.i even attend forcebly to interview for a kindergarden teacher post even though hey asked a very first question i can speak tamil some companiestold thatia m a 2007 passed out we need freshers..

    as i do not have any experience and my background is mechanical .very less opputunitys.ehat ever i do not fnd a job in chennai so ia m afriad to go india as long as my sil besides me i never get a chance or anything to talk or to do something so ia mvery mych afriad to go.india


    thisthing knows my hubby.and other problem as days going he is loosing ontrste in sex too. and my mil keeps on asking me for baby,

    and my huby willterll regualarl about my periods days .my fil willkeep on asking my gyneac history why u r not in peirods this time..like that. ofcourse my aprents also wan him to do not ask inthat way..


    and always tell me if my parents involve inthis faily matter u r not supposed to be with me.u belong to this family u should not say anything to your parenst if so.. i will nevr talk t u, so ia m afriad to tell my paremts

    itaalreayd happened i told once that my hubby is beating me withmy parents then my parents cam eto chennai and asked them they said ok sorry ,then next day onwasrd everyone in home stiped talking with me f i have then they used to raply me in soft tone.. i was totaly cranky i am so afriad.


    i dont wnat o go india and while figtng me nad my hubby he keeps on tell me that i gne mad i am scraming and behavng like chandaramukhi i have problem and he will tka eto mirror and say se ur face u gone mad u have some devil in you..its coem on evry amavasya.. u have problem like that he will keeps on tellignme..

    ia m unale to explain here.. but ths si the thing..

    my hope is if i ahve abbay ican showmy mil and i cna have a afmaily she telling my hubby that "she(me) having a problem so try to leave her.. and wrong shold be in me." so iam thinking may be heis behaving jut because of this..my mil bet me that i willdivorce with my hubby ., i told this too.with my hubby but he is saying may be my mom told in angrymmod she is notlike that she is really good.

    so this is my problem.. i will levae to idnia in this july .. whcih i do notwnat too. my wish is i shoud go india with some good news..

    is there nay mistake of mine please ladies how to behave pleas etell me correct my behaviur too..please
    but relaly i am helples in my periods matter i aslked my hubby to tkae me to gyneac but hse told for tests insuranc will not cover so it may charge 1500 to 2000 dollors which my hubby dont wnat tospend it..

    we are on L1 our visa is going to expire in oct ending...
     
  7. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    First of all, STOP PANICKING !

    your words are all so mixed up and it gets a little difficult to read. It shows what a state of mind you are in.

    You have said too many things.. First your SIL is better off than you and is a MBA topper.. Why on earth does she need to be jealous of you ?

    Second, just because she comes home everyday, you shouldnt dread to go to your house.. What is wrong with you ? You lack something- COURAGE ! that is the only thing that you need and can save you. Remember. Unless you deicde and become storng, there is I am sorry to say - No Hope !

    Trust me, we all can write pages and pages on how to stand for yourself, eventually YOU NEED TO DO IT ! Else, you are left with no help even from God. It is not easy, I know. But, it isnt impossible !

    Wether your MIL tells you and hubby will get divorced or not, doesnt matter ! She is not the one to decide. UNDERSTOOD ? She is no one and simply cannot rule things. So, leave her aside like she doesnt matter !

    The first thing you need to concentrate now is building your marriage ( if you want to ) and not- I-repeat NOT GETTING A BABY INTO THE MARRIAGE.

    Please for God's sake do not say, I want to prove my MIL I can bear a child, so I want to have a baby. Do not say that. A Baby should come into this world as a reason of love between couple. Till there is love, between relationship, do not think of becoming parents !

    You need to set no example to any MIL or SIL, but you wll be required to set an example to your KID. So, till you can handle your life and make others see the respect you deserve, do not plan a baby.

    Things may not change just because you become a mom. You have enough stress in your life now, and bringing up a baby will put you in more trouble.. You will eventually not have any support from hubby nor inlaws and you will start a new thread on that.

    BABY IS NOT A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEMS IN LIFE, GIRL !

    First, stand up for youself and stop panicking. Dont let anyone ruin or run over you ! Including your husband.

    Leave behind what your MIL / SIL said. Dont think or write about it here.

    Just concentrate and write what is " exactly " wrong with you and your husband ?

    Does he abuse you ?

    What danger do you sense in your married life ( and NO we are not talking about not having a baby ! ) ?

    You need to wake and stand for yourself. Dont let go your self respect.

    You need to try and mend whatever is wrong between you and your husband ONLY. Forget about correcting relationships as SIL / MIL etc.. For now, concentrate on building and redoing things in your marriage ( Again NOT HAVING A BABY )

    Dont talk too much to MIL or anyone. Just work on your marriage and make a little adjustments ..I infact dont know what the real problem is between you and your husband..

    Just be a little clear about ONLY that issue, I am sure you will get loads and loads of advises !

    Take care!
     
  8. amazing

    amazing New IL'ite

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    Hi dear, i can understand your problem, its only 2yrs of marriage dont worry u will concieve, i do have irregular periods and pcod, it will take time be regular to gynaec. Regarding your husbands behaviour just try to talk and discuss things with him smoothly, SIL and MIL they r like that how they have to be just ignore them if they say anything to u, keep your husband happy and solve by communicating. dont think of sucide your making sin by killing yourself the only person get affected is your parents and everyone will have there plans to move on , dont do that just write down your feelings if u feel low and try to be calm and dont think too much it will affect your state of mind. always remember firstr keep yourself happy and then think of keeping others happy, please remove those negative thoughts from your mind.:)
     
  9. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Stop. Take a deep breath and THINK.

    Life is very precious to just throw it away for others. You might leave, but think about the loved ones who will life with the hurt for life, thinking "WHY". Think is this how your parents brought you up, to give up and not be bold and courageous?

    There are millions and millions of people living one day a time and they have worse situations in life than you, me or anyone else here. Many would have been orphaned, raped, pushed to prostitution for mere meal and what not. If everyone wants to die for every issue they face, will there be any living beings? NO. We humans are built to face any problem, overcome it and move on in life. So don't ever think about taking your life. Suicide is a cowardly act. There is no logic explanation whatsoever for doing it.

    Read your recent long post. See how agitated, stressed you are. Don't get me wrong, you cannot even write one sentence right, you are so stressed and confused. WHY? Every problem is solvable if one puts their mind and heart to it. So why worry.

    From your posts, you don't want to stay with your in-laws. Second you are worried that you might not get pregnant. Third, you think your husband is aloof. Correct?

    Above all this, there is a big issue from one sentence of yours. - He beat me, apologized later.

    So there is physical abuse? Was that only one incident? When you saying beating, was it just a slap or he purposefully hitting you. Above everything else, you need to re-evaluate your thoughts

    Before you resolve your relationship with your husband, why think about having a baby. Are you thinking, having a baby will tie him with you. Is that what you are looking for in this relationship, some type of hold?

    I will post more once I get a clear idea about this incident, then we can go over other issues.
     
  10. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    To the OP, helpmegod:

    I am very sorry to hear what you have been going thru in your marriage. This is so wrong on so many levels and your husband sounds like a _____ (insert appropriate expletive here).

    Whatever you do, please do not contemplate on taking your life and if you feel down or depressed, please see a doctor and seek psychiatric help. The person you are married to certainly does not sound like a person worth taking your life. If you are going thru depression or extreme stress because of your personal situation, please seek professional help from a doctor. They can put you on medication to alleviate your symptoms.

    Also, go see a lawyer and explain what is happening in your marriage and what your legal recourse options are. Usually people who act strange like this after marriage have something else going on or went on, that you have no knowledge about.

    If I were in your shoes, I would take control and put this guy in his place real fast and his nonsense will not fly very far with me. Clearly this husband of yours is exploiting your naivety and feeling of helplessness and tormenting you more. Be strong and resolute and get a firm handle of your situation and do not let him threaten you with rubbish.

    Stay strong and take charge and do not let him exploit you because you are a woman.
     

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