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Feeling isolated - how many like me ?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by skalluri, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    Feeling like life in USA is like a life in sophisticated jail, with some unavoidable problems in family ( here in U.S. And also with parents family and in laws family) seen lot of drama by family members and thus cut off most of the relationships, now in a position where I feel like living very isolated life, no friends here whom I can call just like that and ask lets go to a movie or coffee shop and hang out, or let's take our kids somewhere, even if I call nobody comes, because everybody is busy in their own lives, experienced this, I want to keep in touch with people so I can forget with what I faced in parents family and in laws family, but unfortunately no. My husband is very practical person , he doesn't care my feelings, moreover starts fight that I am unnecessarily eating his brain and making his mood off, just forget live your life, how can I live with no support of family and friends , it is said and many agrees that rich is not being financially sound but having good friends and family, I am very poor , where should I go, I want peace, I just someone who spends time with me to laugh a loud, who listens to my stories, who shows empathy , who can visit my house or just call and see how I am doing.

    Please say say hi to me at least that will console me

    Thanks
    SK
     
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  2. Gauthu

    Gauthu Bronze IL'ite

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    skalluri,

    It seems like you have faced some unpleasant situations with your family and inlaw. Yes I agree that life iin us is mechanical and everyone are busy searching one or other. Be it india or in Us , we cant expect friends to visit us often unless they are the true friends.. earning a good friend in a lifetime is the most hardest thing.
    What i can see is most of them invest time in things they like to do and find like minded people and take an intiative to form a group.
    If you are interested in any activities like volunteer in temples or painting or learning some instrument or some foriegn language ..etc,. invest time in those and get a friend... I am sure when you have comman interest ...you will be surrounded by people. But as I said getting a friend who is close to heart is hardest....but it can also happen at any point of time.
     
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  3. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    In USA, young mothers can meet each other via PTA meetings and events at the school. Second way to meet is through your religious temple/church. Third is via classes or clubs or even going to YMCA classes for yourself or your kids. I hope you are not limiting yourself to only Indian friends. Statistically that is a method that is going to be limiting.
     
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  4. sing

    sing Silver IL'ite

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    That's a great statement, "life in US is like a sophisticated jail", well it certainly feels so if you are from India, don't have to be married mind you !

    How do you feel happy from within?
    Go to yoga classes, do exercise, participate in any activity, "involve", don't watch and clap.

    You can feel lonely even if you have a great family atmosphere, the boredom of regular happiness all the time as I would like to call. Then you seek variety, right?


    Loneliness is a syndrome not a disease. Discover peace and happiness from within with little or no human connection. Start with yoga, do it regularly, you'll see what I mean.

    Its hard to find great friends beyond the beautiful college days, when friendships simply happen without reason.

    Here's a beautiful quote by Buddha, I absolutely love it, true verbatim !

    "You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."
    Read more at You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your... - Buddha at BrainyQuote


    Don't worry, you'll discover inner peace very soon, start with a Yoga class. Peace be with you soon....


     
    4 people like this.
  5. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    @skalluri

    Hi, how are you?

    i can understand your problem. But again, i think you have a very romantic view of India. That everybody is so friendly and would drop everything to come and meet. That is not the case. Why dont you start making friends? If you dont have too high standards, you can be friends with lot of people for socializing. Wherever you are, there will be an indian group - local grocery store, temple etc are places to look out for!
    Go out more and start interacting. They dont have to be indians, any nationality will do if they are friendly.
     
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  6. vidhyalakshmid

    vidhyalakshmid Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I completely understand your situation. But don`t look outside to have a company.
    Loneliness is a bliss to self search and it can be used for creative purposes.
    It is easy to say than to practice. I don`t have close friends. But I meditate for soul searching. I recommend you to start meditation and feel the contentment within.
    Goodluck!
     
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  7. vidshya

    vidshya New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I can totally understand what you are going through cz thats EXACTLY what I'm going through as well. Life is indeed a "sophisticated jail" here. I have been in the U.S for two years and life is nothing but lonely here. I live in an area where there are no indians and i don't have a single friend at all. I don't have kids and my husband s work schedule is really busy. There are days when he works on the weekends as well. How I wish I have that one friend with whom i can share everything and just have a normal life. Like you said I'm extremely poor here :( Today I was feeling so lonely that after ages i logged in just to read the posts. i cannot even tell my friends what I am going through cz they just won't understand. I don't have kids and husband leaves really early in the morning and comes in the night. I try to keep myself busy but still having a friend is all i need. I have tried talking to people here but they aren't at all friendly. I keep lamenting to myhusband and it upsets him. I just donno what to do. I sincerely hope that you find happiness..and just to let you know I UNDERSTAND and you aren't alone in this...
     
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  8. Udasgirl

    Udasgirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear OP

    I can understand and I am going through same phase where we have minimum contact with our families in India for various reasons and we almost have no friends in country where we live,.... we used to have some friends but with our changing times almost all of them now gone/reduced contact with us... Even if I call/invite people over they are not much interested and I feel very isolated ...
    I have found out wtsapp contacts of some of my old friends (childhood and collegehood) and I am keeping in touch with them. Also I read books a lot which gives me positive energy. Me and DH watch latest movies at home and some inspirational interviews etc which gives us hope and positivity. I pray to God regularly and do daily exercise (at home watching Bipasha basu fitness DVD). So I am trying my best to go through this bad phase with as much courage as possible..

    My experience is that In western countries (NRI cultures) if you want to make friends/mingle socially then you need to have big house, branded cars, organise frequent parties, should be a drinker etc etc... we almost lack all these hence perhaps unfit to socialise.... But anyways we are so much disppointed with current happenings in our life since last 2 years that we just need some time to bounce back and start socialising again in future (at least for my son's sake , he is just 2 and will need to socialise with children of his age of course in coming years)
     
  9. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    Dear..

    Do you know driving..If not, get a license asap. Having mobility is important
    to get connected with other people. There may be associations ( People from your own state speaking same language or religious etc ) in CT. Just get in touch with them. They may be looking for volunteers for various activities.

    Later do not complain that you have no time for yourself..Once you are in public domain, you will get carried away by it.

    Your tolerance is very limited that's why you got hurt by your family members. You must learn to forgive. You must learn to ''tolerate'' other people. You can't expect everyone to behave like the way you wanted to. Everyone is different. Many are selfish and jealous. Being in a community, you should develop to soft skills to handle such characters. Otherwise, you may loose your peace of mind.
     
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  10. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    Yes ofcourse I tried all what you mentioned, everybody tries to connect based on some conditions, do we belong to same language speaking, do we belong to same age group, do we have same age kids, that too same gender, do we belong to same community(apartments or own house), they filter out so many things and finally left with nobody.
    I tried with other nationality people, unfortunately no one shows interests. they seem friendly but no time for us, if I invite their kids for playdate, they escape with nice answer but don't plan some other day. In our own community, kids suddenly show up with bikes outside otherwise not see for some weeks/months, same case with parents. anyway I am becoming spiritual with all these experiences. learning so much. haha ha
     
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