Feeling insulted,thought of sharing

Sujimallige · Jan 7, 2008

Dear Kamla,

Thanks for ur inputs.
I agree that with age and experience we learn a lot in life.
Abt Indians being v difficult I cannot differ on that at all.One thing baffles me is that almost all the people replying have had some or the other bad experience.
Hope u too have a wonderful 2008 and beyond.

Suji

Sujimallige · Jan 7, 2008

Dear SoaringSprit,

Thanks for such nice words.I really liked ur idea and shall talk to my friend,but not now as I dont want to call her again and again.
I shall try not to judge all by one experience but shall be careful in the future.

Suji

Sujimallige · Jan 7, 2008

Dear Kavya & Blondie,

Thanks for putting ur view points here.
But I just want to clarify that we couple r really a hassle free people and have absolutely no demands when we visit anybody.We had had a conversation even before we started and it was mutually accepted that we will be there at 8.30-9 pm and dinner would be at their place.Dear Kavya,trust me i can understand when u say for some indians food is a big deal.But that was not the case here,if they had not insisted we would have seriously stopped on the way and finished our dinner before going there.
Pls dont feel bad,i just felt like clarifying a few points,thats all.My intention is not to hurt anybody.

Suji

Sujimallige · Jan 7, 2008

Dear Arushi,Chocolate and Abha,
My god,u have had worse experiences than me.
Yes,arushi and abha,when it comes to money people stoop to v low levels and here every dollar is made a big deal of.But that is not the case when we spend on them.
Dear Chocolate,my friend is from NJ so she might be a different person.

Suji

Sujimallige · Jan 7, 2008

Dear Shravanthika,

That was the question troubling me too,thats the reason i posted it here.
If we cannot be hospitable we should not call over people and ill treat them.
I agree with u.

Suji

Sujimallige · Jan 7, 2008

Dear hydgrr,

U have really had a bad experience.But u know what I had read here itself in Indus Ladies in some other post that we have to be v careful in selecting people as friends particularly in the US.
People make use of us and they drop us when all their work is done.
But be sure of one thing,if anybody has hurt u or if anything is troubling u,feel free to share it here in the IL.It is a v supportive group here and i feel there is no harm in venting out unless we dont bad mouth anybody.

Suji

hydgrr · Jan 8, 2008

Hi Sujimallige,
I definitely agree with you on this point. We should really be very careful in selecting friends in US since initially when I was the first one in my batch to get a job all my batchmates and juniors used to constantly keep calling me for advice and help them in getting a job. And I used to go out of my way to help them out but once they find a job and settled in life they probably don't even remember if I existed or call me once in a while. I initially used to feel very hurt but no longer. I moved along made new friends and still help my friends in their job search or help them out technically once they find a job since thats a sort of hobby for me. But one thing I learnt is never expect anything in return for all your good deeds include a phone call asking how you are doing.

-Priya.

Sujimallige said: ↑

Dear hydgrr,

U have really had a bad experience.But u know what I had read here itself in Indus Ladies in some other post that we have to be v careful in selecting people as friends particularly in the US.
People make use of us and they drop us when all their work is done.
But be sure of one thing,if anybody has hurt u or if anything is troubling u,feel free to share it here in the IL.It is a v supportive group here and i feel there is no harm in venting out unless we dont bad mouth anybody.

Suji
Click to expand...

Sujimallige · Jan 8, 2008

Dear Priya,
U seem to be a v helpful soul.But as u say u enjoy helping people but do so as long as they dont hurt ur and ur husband's self respect.
Abt helping to find job being ur hobby u can find many girls out here searching for a job (including ur's truely :queen).
Take care dear,
Suji

hydgrr · Jan 8, 2008

Dear Suji,
I somehow like helping others, it makes me feel happy. But one thing I learnt is everyone is not bad or mean minded. I made someone friends here who also go out of their way to help us when we need. But I was truly shocked see my so called best friends behaviour. For them 7 yrs friendship with nothing compared to money thts wht really hurt me.
About ur second point I think its a good idea to help girls on this site who require guidance or help in their job search, if they want.
-Priya

JayaJ · Jan 9, 2008

Hello,
Dont feel bad. i agree with the others: y cut off urself from the other friends just bcose of one?
infact, shes not fit to be ur friend. If your a lovely helpful person by nature, continue being so. dont let others affect u. Its ur happiness that matters. Dont change for any1.

I also have had many bad such experiences. I dont have a whole load of friends. infact, i dont have a best friend. These are all my husband's frenz.

One of my husband's frenz who studied with him in college, was working in mumbai for a less salary. he contacted my husband and asked for his help. my husband is a very helpful person, he can never say no to any1.
He got him a job in his company (a very well known MNC), got him a good salary hike and offered him our house for his stay.
that guy moved in with us (it was just me and my husband), and stay for almost a year. he didnt do any work around. i used to slog to keep the house clean, go to office, come back and cook and serve. my husband used to help me but this guy behaved as if i was his servant and expected to be served food - all 3 meals. we didnt have a maid and so i had to do all the cleaning. i even cleaned his bathroom!!!

This fren was trying to get married. he was not getting a suitable match. after coming down to stay with us, he got a very good match. he asked us if he cud call her and she came down after we agreed to his request. he liked the girl and his engagement was fixed couple of months later. Before the engagement,. he called that girl to live with us for 2 weeks...as u all indians know, in india, its against our culture to encourage the boy and girl living together before marriage...but since my husband and i were broadminded, we agreed. but his fren wanted to share the same room with the girl. the girl had a jolly time with him, living with him in the same room, even before marriage - under our roof!!! i had to cook, clean and feed the girl too. I even hand washed her clothes!!!

After the engagement, the fren came back from his hometown and just before marriage, called his fiancee over to our house without asking us, honeymooned at our house (my husband and i wud go to office during the day and this fren started to work in shifts so that he cud spend more time with this fiancee alone). This was higly unacceptable - inviting the girl (who shamelessly wud come over) and spending time with him alone - even before marriage. I made it clear that i didnt like it - not under my roof!

Finally he got married and moved to the US. Now he doesnt bother to keep in touch with us. He had bought a flat when he was staying with us, for which my husband ran around when this guy moved to the US. My husband was given the GPA by this fren and he had to run around for the registration, parking allotment, paying installments for this fren's flat who was in the US by now. But we didnt say anything. we thot, its ok, v r helping some1 and we did everything without any complaint.

Finally when the time came to move into the flat, his fren came down, took the keys from my husband, moved his stuff (which was still at our place) into his flat, did the grihapravesh without inviting us and left back to the US. he didnt even bring us a box of sweets.

after this ungrateful behaviour, i have decided to invite only people who know the value of kindness into our homes.

Another of my husband's fren and his wife eat at our place so many times but dont have the courtesy of returning the favour. I cud go on and on but its only going to make me bitter by recalling such things....so i better stop here.

we still help people when they call us for help but we make sure we dont go out of our way anymore.

take care
Jaya