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Feeling emotional

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by CoolIndianGirl, Sep 19, 2014.

  1. CoolIndianGirl

    CoolIndianGirl Bronze IL'ite

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    My son started to walk today. I m very very happy but emotional too.. I was not there to see as he did in day care. luckily daycare people caught on video and shared with us. I felt like crying loud after seeing it. I m working just to maintain my visa status and to take care of my parents. Even though my husband is really good i don't want to burden him too much to send money to my parents so i thought let us continue working even after baby. But today after seeing that moment i was thinking we are just running after money and missing the precious moments in the life. I m totally confused. I cant afford to lose my job as it makes me confident, proud and i m giving whatever i wanted to my parents. Already i was in very bad feeling that recently my grand ma (mom's mother) passed away and i was not able to go to see her last rituals as we didnt have PIO card for my son and they (all my mom's brother and sisters) are also not ready to wait for us to come. Also i m the only daughter and my parents are there alone. Even though i m making them to come once in a year for 6 months still i felt very bad and every now and then thinking of going back for good.
    I just have my mom and dad.. my husband said that if we can get GC there will be some options to get them here permanently and he is ok with that as well.. That is the only reason i m waiting here patiently still i m restless always whenever i think all these...
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    C,mon girl.Don't get sentimental.You are doing the best of the situation. What if your husband also feels he is missing the milestones and wants to quit the job and stay at home?Your motherly instinct just kicked you in the heart.Take a deep breath....and hug your kid and move on. Your child is going to a good day care where they care enough to record milestones for you.

    You are a good person,good daughter,good wife and a super mom.Cheers!!!
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    What if your child started to walk when you are taking a shower?

    You have a job that pays you well, are able to have your parents visit for 6 months in a year, and husband is OK with sponsoring GC for your parents. Please count the blessings.
     
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  4. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Children's GC status does not make their parents eligible for GC. Only US citizen can sponsor GC for their parents. So you need to wait until you get your Citizenship to be able to sponsor GC for your parents.

    You have a nice DH. Good that you could see the video. Make most of the time you get to spend with your child rather than worrying about the time you are not with your child.
     
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  5. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey, I completely understand what you're going through and I think every working mom goes through these bouts of guilt. But I think what you have to think about is the longer term consequences of quitting your job. Would a single income allow you to afford your current life-style? Would you feel free enough/would your parents feel free-enough to help/take help from you even if you did not financially contribute towards your household income?

    Kids go through many milestones, and while it is great joy for us as parents, it is in the course of normal childhood development for this child. And you yourself mention that your job gives you confidence and makes you feel good about yourself. I think that's the greatest gift you can give your child, a confident mom. I am not belittling SAHMs in any way, but that's the choice they have made. You have some circumstances that require you to work, so I think feeling guilt and confusion will not help. Instead, focus on spending quality time you get with your child to the full extent instead of regretting for all the time you did not get with him. Cherish the fact that you're making this compromise to be able to provide a better future to your child, comfortable living for your parents and for your own self-confidence. That might help put things in perspective.
     
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  6. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    girl,
    I've been in the same situation..exact same situation. Both my kids went to day care from when they were 4 months old. GUILT is a constant companion for me.
    And I left India and came to US, leaving my old parents alone. I feel guilty that I dont let my kids enjoy the love and security that only grandparents give. I feel guilty when I am too tired on a weekday to play with my kids. I feel guilty when I miss every parent teacher meeting and my elder daughter comes and says 'EVERYONE's mum was there except mine'. I feel guilty for having to work, guilt guilt guilt ...
    But think of this - because I work, I dont have to ask permission from anyone if I decide to buy an expensive saree online for my mom. Or, if I want to get a few gifts for my sister's kids. I see some of my stay at home friends being taken for granted by their family, taunted by comments like - she does nothing,sits simply at home all day when in truth they toil more than anyone else in the whole household. I feel good when my team members respect and appreciate me for my work. Most importantly,I feel it has made my kids more independant. They are non-fussy, independant kids who know how to mingle with people. They talk well, know how to behave in public and always always appreciate the fact that I give them the space to do what they want and not hover around them.
    You seem to have a supportive husband. So for now, think of the positives. And when you get these guilty feelings, just come and vent here. We'll listen to you. Promise :)
     
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  7. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Its ok CoolIndianGirl.. Don't be sad.. Everything comes at a cost. Just take this as a cost you are paying for fulfilling your duties as a wife and a daughter.
     

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