Hi all.. I am really tired, depressed and exhausted with this silence and indifference I face in my marriage for few months now.. We have been together for over 13 years now.. Have very loving kids.. But for couple of years i feel i am not a wife anymore . I am just a mom. My husband is a great father and good provider, helps in cleaning home etc.. But has been emotionally unavailable for couple of years now. Anything i talk annoys him.. So i have retorted to silence. He doesn't notice it. This marriage has changed me so much. And not in a good way. I have changed myself to fit his liking but now i feel why did do it.. For past few months we haven't spoken anything beyond kids, grocery, that's it.. Every night I cry to sleep.. We both sleep on same bed.. He doesn't notice this . If i talk i feel he says i am being sensitive and pressuring him.. Our sex life is fine.. I don't initiate because i dont feel like . I can't deny because it leads to emotional fights from his side.. I just take part so that he is happy and stay connected to me at least in some way.. Please don't judge me but it haunts me to be lonely . I am just desperately looking for ways that my husband speaks to me and connects emotionally.. To begin with he was totally opposite of what he is now.. Initially I would think going on holidays on trip would help and i would plan.. But he is so grumpy and so bitter throughout the trip that I can't wait to get back home and start going to office.. Now i really dread going on trip.. I love travelling but i love emotional peace more, so i have let go my enthu towards travel.i am not trying to change him or get a new side of him out.. He is not excited about occasion.. I am completely opposite.. And if I celebrate occasions he ll be like why i do it. It totally annoys me. Last festival I was all dressed., even kids.. I ask him to pose for few pics but he says why should we take pics... I totally lost it.. I didn't fight.. But i couldn't control my tears... And he did try to cheer me.. But i think he has been hurting me this way for so long that this time I am not able to let it go.. That day he got emotional too and we had a long discussion, gist being he admitting he is not a head over heels in love kind of guy and i should accept it.. Well i like any other girl want my man to be head over heels in love with me.. That day my heart broke to the extent that I know he can never repair it.. From that day onwards i have never been able to say that I love him.. That day it felt like i mean nothing to him.. From that day i pray to god that my kids get spouses who are more loving than mine... From that day my life never feels normal.. I have now started hating love.. So much so that a young cousin of mine sends me a video of she and her husband dancing, i complement and delete that video immediately as it disgusts me.. I have never been such a person .. I see older couples so in love and i keep wondering how is it possible .. I am not an unpleasant person at all.. I am being honest.. People love my company ... My inlaws love me too.. And i love them too.. My husband is not mummy's boy or anything like that.. Very tired of being in an emotionally dead marriage ... Tired of being married yet alone.. Only saving grace are my lovely kids.. And my parents who are unaware of my situation but provide me with so much love n talk to me a lott. I pray that things get better.. I pray that i dont have to cry to sleep.. I pray that my husband be happy..