Feeling Depressed.. Pls help - Long post

Hi Friends,
Offlate i have been facing a lot of problems in life be it healthwise or in relationships. Most of the times i ignore all those and be casual because i understand life is so short and once we lose our precious time, we cant get it back. But sometimes i just cant take everything so easily.

Its been a year since my marriage now. I and my DH have decent jobs with decent salary. It was an arranged marriage. My DH has an elder brother who is married and settled in a different state. He has got a year old kid. My DH is very attached to his parents just like anybody and he doesnt want to leave his parents and live seperately after marriage. I didnt have any problem with this. I came to know that my Co-sis's relationship with in-laws is bitter.

My FIL always used to tell me that it was all my Co-sis's fault and she took away his elder son away from him. I didnt bother much to find out what happened. I thought that as long as they are good to me, i wont have any problems. And my MIL doesnt complain about my Co-sis anytime, she says she is a young girl.. she will understand as life progresses. I did ask my husband, but all he could say me was "you wont have any problems, trust me". I didnt ask anything there after.

My DH.. He is such a sweet heart, he loves me a lot and respects my parents. The only thing that i felt so different was he would share each and every detail of where we go, what plans we have got for weekend, what gifts i gave on special occasions and everything with his parents. He would give his salary slip to his dad which i have never objected to, because every one has their own habit and i didnt want to change that. My DH used to give most of his salary to his dad for running the family and i used to give a part of my salary too. FIL has retired and has no savings, no pension. so it was my DH who should take care of his parents. Since we were the ones to give money for running family and also medical expenditures we couldnt have a decent savings for the first year.
We used to give the money and never asked what were the expenditures. Once i asked my DH about it and he said he doesnt want to ask about this as his dad is so sensitive and it would hurt him if he asked his dad. I didnt say anything after that. After few months of marriage my PILs started asking me if there is any good news, i didnt what to tell them. My DH said we havent planned it for a year, they really got angry and asked us not to do this as they really wanted to see their grandchild soon. My MIL used to cook for us during the weekdays as i am working, i used to help her in small house hold chores during weekdays and i would cook, clean, wash clothes during weekends. Every day after i had lunch at office i used to call up PILs and ask if they had lunch, how is the day going on. It was a routine for me and my husband was happy that i did it. Everything was going on well.

Slowly FIL started developing negative feelings towards me, i really dont know from where it started. Whenever i am at home without my DH he used to tell me that nowadays my son is liking you more than me, he is talking to you on phone for an hour but he is keeping it simple with me. You are trying to take my son away from me and what not. MIL doesnt say anything for this. Only 3 to 4 days in a month i was away from my PIL's rest of the days we were together only, yet my FIL developed these kind of feelings. I thought he is feeling posessive about his son and chose to ignore it, but i mentioned this to my DH casually. He asked me to ignore which i already did.

Slowly FIL started creating problems for me. Me and DH fought for all those problems that he created. We already gave him enough money but he would ask for more, that too indirectly to my DH without my knowledge!! My FIL wanted to help his siblings occasionally to which i agreed as i knew that they needed some help financially. My FIL has 3 siblings and they would often visit during weekends where i and my MIL end up cooking for more than 10 people and i go exhausted, but always smiled and never complained.

Even after me doing all these he didnt let go of his insecurity, whenever i and my DH go for a walk and come back he used to tell that i am preaching my DH something bad against them. I was like.. what the hell?? Is there nothing for me to speak to my DH other than the PIL's.. that too when we are alone. If he sees us holding each other's hands while walking he will pass nasty comments. He was like only i will iron my son's shirt, get everything ready for him to start to office, i only will do everything.. I didnt care about that too. My MIL told me not to mind as he is possessive about his son, he even told us that he is not happy with us going to hill station for a vacation, because he will miss his son for 3 days and he cant be without his son. But we went there though. He said the same "I will miss my son" statement whenever i went to my parent's home.
Though i was irritated by all these, i didnt utter a word against him or show that am hurt with FIL's behaviour. And after that he used to shout at us at every single opportunity, whenever i and my DH laughed, he used to say you dont laugh in living room, better go to your bedroom and laugh. This time my DH got offended and asked him why does he behave wierdly. That was the last straw, FIL started shouting at my DH very badly, FIL was like.. how dare you ask me like this, do you think that you can question me since i am dependent on you and he used all bad words against my DH.

I couldnt tolerate it anymore, i said my FIL to stop scolding my DH infront of me, the reply i got was "Its my house and its my son, i have all rights to pamper him or scold him. You cant interfere in this. If you live according to my rules you can be here or you guys better move out. I guess you are planning to take my son away from me, it is you who is spoiling my son" and he started abusing me. It was such a shock for me, i never expected this. I told him "Its your house, your son.. but he is also my husband, if at all you wanna scold him please do it when i am not at home" I couldnt do anything but cry after all these. I couldnt see my DH getting insulted. My DH told his dad that he can tell his son anything but has no rights to abuse me like that. I didnt speak to my FIL for two days.
Later i left that incident aside and tried to be casual. We celebrated our first anniversary the next week, my MIL wished us, but FIL didnt even wish us happy anniversary nor bless us. I was worried, but rather ignored it because with so much grudge in his mind its good that he didnt curse us that day. Few days later FIL's siblings had come home for the weekend. As usual there was lot of cooking and cleaning to be done by me and my MIL. In the evening i and my DH went for a walk and came back. Seeing me and my DH laughing FIL got furious, he started scolding my DH and me very badly infront of the relatives. I chose to remain silent and this time my DH shouted back. DH asked his dad like why are you shouting at us for no reason now that too before all these people, his dad got more angry and said i know you guys have decided to live alone, this girl has spoiled you a lot. My DH was like.. pls dad dont start this again. FIL was like.. enough is enough i dont want you people to stay in my house here after you people get out of the house in another two weeks and started cursing us. We were insulted before all relatives. I couldnt hold back my tears.
Next day i and my DH started to office earlier. As i called my parents, they told me that FIL called them last night and said that am not fit to be in their house anymore and he asked us to get out. My parents didnt know what to do and tried to convince him but in vain. Then when i reached office i came to know that my FIL had called my side of relatives and cursed me saying that i insulted PILs infront of relatives, took their son away from them, never in this one year i gave any money, i was abusing my PILs, ill treating their relatives, always sleeping and not doing any house hold chores and what not.. But Thank god, my relatives knew well about me and so they ignored my FIL's bad comments. but they were concerned about me so they started calling my parents/ me and inquired what happened. That day was hell.

After we went home that day his dad again abused me and said us to find a home soon as he cant tolerate me in that house. i was left with no option but to cry. My DH supported me a lot during that time. Next morning when we started to office, his dad started abusing us again, but this time my DH said pls stop it dad dont start when we are going to office, we will find a home soon. We came out of the house, when we started walking FIL came to the street and starting using all nonsense words that he knew which i couldnt mention here to curse us. Everyone at the street was looking at us, i felt so insulted. i cried in the street itself and started walking fastly. That time my parents called and couldnt control, i started crying. I told them all that happened and they asked me to come home immediately.

My DH spoke with my parents and said them that he would send me to their home. He would find a home soon and bring me back. Meanwhile my FIL didnt stop calling my relatives and cursing me. They got fed up of him and complained to my dad. My dad decided to meet my FIL in person and ask what was wrong to see if the problem can be sorted out. But my FIL was arrogant and was not ready to meet my dad. Moreover he insulted my dad. I couldnt take it now, i told my dad that its all over and i wont go back to that house again. Meanwhile my DH found a house, but FIL went there and tried to create a scene, he lied the house owner that he just asked his son give him some money monthly and his son refused, fought with him and came out of the home leaving them in the streets. But thankfully no one listened to him..

Meanwhile it was my DH's birthday but i wasnt able to meet him, i felt so bad. But my DH took permission from his office and came to my office to meet me. I felt so happy to meet him after so many days. After talking with me for an hour, he left to home. some how my FIL came to know that DH met me and started fighting with him badly, asked him to get out of the house immediately. All of a sudden my DH packed all our things and came to my parent's home the next day. My FIL called my parents and cursed them badly that they took away their son from him. Even after all these my mom called my PILs and said them being elders in the family they should come to our new home and bless us, for that my FIL replied rudely saying he wouldnt come there and asked us not to come to his home anytime in our lives.

So, after all the struggles me and DH went to new home. I thought all problems are over and atleast from now onwards we will be happy. But few of DH's relatives called up and said him that its bad that we left his parents and came alone, its not good for us and what not. Finally FIL started calling at regular intervals and started cursing badly on call itself. He would call me, but to be honest i was damn scared to pick his call as i couldnt hear all curses once more, i was never used to all those words that he spoke. We are TTC, so lot of stress because of FIL started affecting my health badly. I dont pick any of his calls, but he doesnt stop calling, he calls my DH when i dont pick his call and starts using bad language against me. He once kind of warned(!!) my DH that i will definitely fight with my DH and go to my parents home leaving him alone. He tried to create all problems between me and my DH, but thank god nothing worked out.

My DH was very angry on his dad and he wasnt ready to go meet them, give some money. It was me who convinced him to go to his parent's home and give them some money as they are dependent on him, it was me who asked him to ignore their behaviour towards me and asked him to talk to atleast his mom in regular intervals, it was me who felt that they wouldnt be happy to celebrate Diwali without their dear son and sent him home, whereas i stayed with my parents though my DH was unwilling. Even after all these what i get in return is just the curses that we wont live happily. I dont think i deserve all these. I am very depressed.

There are a lot of other things that happened, but cant mention them here for they are too worse. I do share my feelings with my DH and my mom, but all they tell is just ignore whatever FIL is saying , else you will lose your peace of mind. I do stay calm, but just one call from FIL is enough to trigger my anger and all those humiliations i suffered would come to my mind again. I really dont know how to put off all these. As such i dont think i can go and talk to them normally, i dont want to do that too. What should i do now?

 

Hi moukthika9,
Thanks for your reply. You are right! Because of my FIL's behaviour BIL's family stays away. They would visit once in two months and stay for a day or two, not more than that.

In the first month of my married life, i heard my FIL yelling at Co-sis when she was here and asking her to get out from his house. I was tooo new to that home, people.. never seen someone yelling so badly, so i didnt come out of my bedroom. My BIL shouted back at him for absing his wife and went away with their kid.

At that time i didnt dare to find out what went wrong and whose fault was it. But now i think may be because of FIL's posessiveness he yelled at Co-sis like that. But why are people like this get their children married and make their life hell???