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Feeling Bad..

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anika987, Jul 18, 2021.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    My relatives are moving to a different country.I should be feeling happy right?After all this is what I wished for! They have given me fair share of trauma over the years..

    then why am I feeling sad to see them leave?

    I have always vented how much I hate them but when they are about to leave..I started to remember all the good times with them,all the nice things whatever they did..

    Why couldn't I remember all this when they were near me?Why is this mind tricking like this?

    I hate myself today.I stopped talking to my realtives for the past few months and I had become a very dark, angry person.I did not like the new me but that was the only was I am able to show my resentment.

    I go into the dangerous "silent treatment" mode.It is one of the worst kind of punishment one can ever give but someone like me who cannot voice out her opinions can only do this.

    I used to be very funny,smile a lot and super friendly with them and went on a compete silent mode and came to know through my mom that my relatives are deeply disturbed by my activities.They tried to reason with me but I completely stopped all contact.

    Was I happy?no BUT I loved my new found freedom.

    Did I like the new me?no BUT I felt relived that I was no longer a target.

    There have been days when I longed to go back to that smiling,bubbly,positive and happy woman but I was being a different person that I could no longer recognize me.

    I missed the old me.The one who forgave easily but smiled through the pain. At least I was not hurting others.

    To protect myself, am being a fake version of myself..

    All felt okay but my relatives want to bid a final goodbye coz they are leaving the country and god knows when we will meet again..

    I hate myself today..

    I hate being such a horrible person.

    I wish I was stronger and made the choice to speak up which I actually did and backfired totally..

    I swear I did not have any other choice than to change myself..to a version which I hate.

    I want all the happiness for my relatives and want them to have a peaceful and wonderful life.They might feel they have lost me but in reality..I lost them..My ego stops me from apologizing to them for my silent treatment and hurting them but I want all the best things in life for them..

    Had to vent this..felt off today..
     
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  2. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    I may also feel the same when the time comes. Rest of the things are very much similar to me. We change with time but it's nowhere taught how to grow up.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    That was a pretty good essay....even on an off day! Not an easy thing to do.
    Would close relative going far be more or less bothersome than [an equally despised] not so close relative moving to a neighboring country ?

    Member @Amica had posted to observe that cheap communications on the phone and video had sustained the family dramas even though the collective family had been split apart to live far far away from one another (LINK). Your life may not change, so long as you have broadband connections. Intra-family hate will live for ever and make you happy.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2021
  4. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Weren't you disturbed by their activities.
    Distance always make the heart fonder.
    You can always keep in touch with them through phone.
    Life goes on.
    Once your kids school starts, look into a job or even volunteer.
     
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    The jotting gives a feel as though I am in church behind a curtain and confess to Father of my alleged sins and seek benevolence, compassion and wipe off the negatives from heart.

    I am reminded of the adage familiarity breeds contempt. They were close and took you for granted and handed out trauma.

    Close relatives seemingly innocuous but derive pleasure by hurting others frequently with their words and actions do feel sad when compelling circumstances distance them from us.
    But in the heart of heart, we are glad - now and then - they prosper well afar.
    Your feel for their absence now is normal and genuine and no need to have compunction.
     
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  6. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    You did put your effort which proved to be futile. Don't be hard on yourself. Some relationships are tricky. Loosing them is equally traumatic as keeping them in our lives. But, relationships needs investment from all involved. You cannot beat yourself up for the failures on their part. Loosing is always painful, small or big, tangible or intangible.
     
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  7. abc00

    abc00 Gold IL'ite

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    Let me analyse this...maybe you want the relatives to be nice to you so that you can have a good relationship with them. You are a good person with realistic expectations but as that didn't materialize you are feeling angry because the opposite is happening which is not in your control.

    I replied to you in a diff thread as well. We should learn to co-exist with every human we encounter on this earth without being carried away. Live and let live should be the mantra. Your happiness cannot depend on how others react ,eat, live or think but infact should be a product of many of our own personal factors. People stay in our world so we should not give them remote control. It takes time to heal our wounds at their expense so please don't get into this.

    If you understand Telugu, please watch Ramuism episodes on Youtube . Anyone who watches that or have already watched can leave a comment here. I recommend you to watch the 'friends' episode. You can substitute relatives for friends and see what difference it can make to you.

    Good luck !
     
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