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Feeling Alone..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rajapriyaa, Jun 30, 2022.

  1. Rajapriyaa

    Rajapriyaa Senior IL'ite

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    Hello ladies,

    I got separated from my husband 8 yrs ago because of his abusiveness, and was living with my mom. I have 2 beautiful daughters 10 and 8. Last year I applied for divorce, and then last dec my mother passed away. After that husband tried to reconcile with me, but again realized he didn't change his colors. So continuing with divorce.

    When my mom was around, I was so confident and strong. Its been 6 months since she passed away, I feel very weak and lonely. My mother is single parent. So I don't have much relatives. So my world now is myself and my 2 angels. I get this lonely feeling everyday and feeling very depressed. I am getting this feel like what even I am trying to do with this life. I don't know. With my job, household work, kids am mostly busy. But still in between work i get this feeling and I feel so purposeless.

    Ladies, please help me how to get out of this. I want to be strong for the girls but I couldn't.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Firstly, am sorry about your mother and nobody can replace a mom but time will give you strength to cope up.


    Secondly,I do understand it is not easy being a single parent and you are going through a rough time.You are still holding strong though.Give yourself credit for that.

    Now..
    I live abroad and I just cut off my toxic relatives and people who are not worth .It’s just me,husband and kids.It’s not easy meeting people or making friends like in India that too being an introvert or an ambivert.But..

    I don’t feel lonely.

    Firstly,I have learnt to love myself and take care of myself coz nobody can love me more that I can.Any relation no matter how good they are need not or should not complete you.You should be complete by yourself.

    Start with acceptance.Take time to heal.Work in yourself and see what you want in life.Be more flexible to life as in if one door closes, another door opens.

    You can lovely kids.Take good care of them.Join some hobby classes where you can meet people.Try yoga and meditation.It will keep your body and mind relaxed.Read good books and find hope with spirituality.practice mindfulness.Have some goals even if it means losing weight.The sense of achievement gives you mental satisfaction.Life is not always the same.It changes.

    Tomorrow who knows?You May find another partner.You May get awesome friends.Be more open to life.Take calculated risks.

    Despite all the above..we will break down and there will be times where one will feel low.That is totally okay! It is okay to cry and feel bad.It is normal and healing.

    Every small step is important.

    Try making your house zen home.

    Do all that it takes and make that effort.

    Every small step is worth it!

    one day when you look back..you would have come a long way!!!:)

    Your strength is within you dear and you will beat the tides of life.

    Good luck and all the very best!
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2022
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  3. msm

    msm Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @Rajapriyaa, Usually am not a regular poster/reply regularly. But, I remember reading your situation before, and I feel compelled to reply for you.

    Dear, You have your answer already in your post. Focus on your two angels, their well being, growth, grooming them to succeed in their life. Plan and schedule a lot of activities around them, travel, visit new places periodically. Work hard, enjoy life with your daughters.

    Have a routine to take care of yourself - do yoga, meditation, movies, eat outs/nice dresses/jewelry.

    All the very best, you have a very nice life ahead of you with no constraints/limitations forced onto you by anyone else.

    You are the decision maker - so make all those positive decisions that influence you and your daughters life ahead.
     
  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rajapriyaa my condolences to you! Moms are very special and their loss is difficult to sustain.
    That said, wanted to add that…
    You are not alone! The specifics and the situations differ but I hear this from many people nowadays. Even I feel down and directionless nowadays, like what is this, life is pointless etc.
    I feel this is some kind of post pandemic phase we are all undergoing. Last two years we all had a purpose in life- survive the pandemic at any cost. We all went through so much tension, anguish, stress and anxiety. But we had that clear goal. Now all that has gone away. Now we have time to grieve and remember lost ones and to take stock of what’s left. Now we are dealing with the permanent changes and endless bad news- political, economic, social. Nowadays a lot of people are feeling depressed and directionless, at least the ones I have spoken to. So you are not alone. Your specifics are different though.

    Your feelings are completely natural in my opinion. Even without pandemic loss of a parent is life changing. Take it easy, don’t be hard on yourself for next few months take every day one step at a time. Your two angels will show you the way out of this depression.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2022
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rajapriyaa,

    My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your mother last December. No one can replace the loss of a parent. In your situation, you relied on her for moral support and to raise your daughters under the able guidance of your mother. But I assure you nothing is lost to make you feel lonely. Your mother is watching you and long for you to be happy, peaceful and a good parent to your daughters.

    1) Build your self-confidence - Please spend 10 minutes every morning planting the seed of brilliant future ahead for your daughters. There is nothing like suggesting that your subconscious mind as you as a mother has this thought in your mind already. You need to strengthen this thought by visualizing the great future of your daughters. Your life now revolves around your daughters and leading a purposeful life for the benefit of your children is a great motivation for building self-confidence.

    2) You be a person that your mother was for you - Think about how much your mother meant to you even when you are an adult and you may like to replicate that strength for your children. When you think of your duty and obligation to raise your children to lead a happy life in future, your loneliness and depression will disappear as darkness disappearing when you light the lamp.

    3) The children emulate their parent - Always remember that your daughters look up to you for learning how to lead a life and if you are depressed and lonely, it will show up in your demeanor and actions. You may like to show the happy mindset of you to your children to encourage them to feel that there is a bright life ahead. Your children are in a very impressionable age and they think the world of you.

    4) Focus on your appearance - Half of your confidence comes from how you feel about yourself. Do everything you can to appear the best you could. This itself will be viewed by your children as a positive affirmation of your happiness. Keep your mind occupied with the best things around you. Spend quality time with your children as and when possible. Eat with your children whenever you can and teach them how to make informed decisions to become successfuly adults.

    5) Read inspiring books and motivate yourself - If you have a taste for reading inspiring books, either buy those books or go to the nearest library and read them. Sometimes, those books create a strong impression in your mind. Time will fly quickly and before you know it, your children will be grown up adults. You need to put your past behind you and focus on only what is ahead of you and your children.

    That is a lot to digest and I will write more after some time and allow other ILites to suggest more. I wish you all the best for a peaceful life ahead.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    As you were seperated for a while, I guess its not the issues of marriage that make you sad. But the loss of your pillar of strenth - your mother. Sad to hear that.
    You already got great replies on how to come out of it . I am sure you will.
    Your purpose of life is to live this beautiful life to the best. You are in a better position as you are an independent woman.
    Just a warning, as you are sad and in a vulnerable state, protect yourself from other mean people ( relatives, friends or any one one who offer help and utalise you, be it men or women) and assert your boundary. I wish you strenth and courage to face this situation and emerge as a winner. Never ever give up.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2022
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :worship2: So comforting and inspiring ... I used it in my profile post.
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Awesome:) and that’s really a small honor for me!! Thank you!
     
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  9. Rajapriyaa

    Rajapriyaa Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot everyone, i had tears after reading all your replies. Thanks for being there to give emotional support. After reading your replies I feel definitely am not alone.

    You all are right. I need to be strong for the girls and need to make sure they have bright future. I will.

    Thanks again ladies
     
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  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    You came out of an abusive relationship with 2 daughters, this itself is applaudable! Not sticking with toxic person for sake of kids.
    I'm so sorry for loss of your mom.
    As all said keep your kids in mind, spend time,
    1. if possible when your finances permit go for a trip with kids.
    2. Meal prep to save time, hire maid for cleaning.
    3. Assign chores to kid make them responsible.
    4. If you have energy and space get a pet, having a pet boosts emotional health for kids.
    5. Prepare kids how to answer in society especially mean aunties and boomer uncles.
    6. Dress up confident and do exercise
    7. Go for therapy after divorce or now.
    8. Have strong boundaries with others.
    9. If your religious or spiritual go to your place of worship. Might seems cliche will heal you in some
    These things will help you. Don't show your vulnerable face to society they want to see that. They want to see you crying with kids
     
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