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Feeling a little stressed today

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rakhii, Mar 16, 2010.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear ladies, when I couldn't talk about my feelings to my hubby, I realized the only other place where I would get unbiased opinion is here in IL.
    I am feeling stressed today, so much so that I can feel my anxiety levels go up.
    Last night hubby and I had a...conflict. It started off clam but somehow it blew up. I was wondering if you can help me advice how to go about. My hubby had a day off yesterday.

    We bought a new game (PS3). Since he is into games, he is very comfortable with all the controls. I on the other hand am not used to games at all. So, first time when I started playing the game last night, he started giving me instructions. I was happy and started doing what he told me. But even after like 10-15 mins, he is continuously telling me what to do next, so much so that he might as well play the game. I told him, (a bit harshly I think because he was upset), to please let me play my way. He got upset, "If I help you its my falut, if I don't its my fault" etc. I didnt want to upset him more, so I switched off the Play Station. Then he told me, "give up this also, like you do everything else". I asked him what else did I give up and he didn't respond, but I know he was very angry with me by then.

    We ordered pizza last night along with chicken wings. I had 6 wings and after that I couldn't have the pizza. He was upset again with me saying, " next time when I have a day off, even if I am very tired, i will bring myself to cook so that you would like eating. Looks like pizza is not ok with you". I told him its not the case, I am just full. He wasn't listening. he was acting very weird...not talking to me for sometime. If I ask him please dont be angry, he is saying he is not angry. But I know he is.
    Even this morning its the same case. speaking with me if I speak, else not speaking.

    I emailed him just now saying sorry, without know what I am sorry for. I am feeling very disturbed. What should be my next step? Please advice me ladies...thank you so much.
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    hey how old are you?its been how long you have been married?these are simple things that goes around in everyones life take it is..stress is a big word to be used in your case.relax take a chillpill
     
  3. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Lavi, thanks. I am 28 and been married for about 2 and half years. I really wish I had access to chill-pill. No kidding.
    What worries me is that, when he is angry with me, usually he shouts at me and takes out the anger. And after that he is back to normal. Of course it takes time for me to be back to normal but eventually I get there.
    this time, even though he is angry, he is quite, saying he is not. I can see i in his face that he is. this is going to be a calm before storm. Before it becomes a storm, I wanna try and avoid it.
     
  4. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Rakhii,

    I think Men can't sit quietly while wife driving the car. It doesn't matter how many years of experience you have (I think just Indian husbands). I don't have experience in game playing area of wife and husband. Here I believe your husband very exited about teaching you the game and he doesn't really realize what he is doing also.
    It clearly shows he was hurt and he didn't expect the comment from you. Next time if you get into conflict like this, quietly give the remote to him and get involved into some other work but don't pass comments. You never know how other person can react for simple statements of ours.
    In my relation some things are very easy to me but for my husband he takes seriously and vice versa.
    You know in your other thread you got hurt by your husband comments about food made by aunt.
    So it's your time to make up. Go girl.
     
  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes Priya, he was very exited. He wants me to do well but in the process he doesn't realize that there is no 'me' any more, if he helps me too much to the last bit. I tried giving him the control which he flatly refused.
    I emailed him saying sorry; my intentions were never to hurt you. And I love you so much etc etc. He emailed me back saying its OK (just now). But I can read his thoughts. He is still so angry.
    If he were a girl i would have sent flowers. Now, not sure how else to make him forget his anger.
     
  6. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Rakhii, Just relax and be yourself.Be loving as usual.Things will be alright soon.The more you try to undo things faster it will get complicated.

    Listen to music and relax.Treat him with a beautiful loving smile when he comes home.:)
     
  7. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    HEY Rakhi!!!..........RELAX!!!

    Just be your normal self today and see how he comes around...:)

    Rakhi, I could not stop laughing and had to post here and let you know I am in a still worse situation. You are still in a better state....hubby trying to play PSP. You know my situation here??

    My dh will bring all those stupid movies starring Pavan Kalyan, other guy who is Chiranjeevi's son (don't know his name) , and other stupid actors like Junior NTR, etc etc.....I don't recollect all names now. Anyway, he will bring those on Fridays and puts them on after dinner. I HAVE to sit with him and watch no matter how much I HATE to even look at those faces. I cannot comment much. I find those movies silly but cannot express else dh will get mad at me. If I have to go to bathroom, I need to tell him and he will pause it. NO ESCAPE FOR ME!!.......:rotfl:rotfl

    One time I really REVOLTED and got into trouble. He did not talk to me the next day. I asked him whether he was a producer or director of that movie that he is feeling so bad. My dh is of the kind who wants wife to like the actor/actress he likes, no matter what? No further questions asked. So, these days I just say "Yes, Honey, I agree, how beautiful she is or what a masculine body that guy got....agree, agree, ji huzur"..:crazy.

    You know Rakhi, some battles are not worth fighting for. I have learned this in my decade of marriage. SO, WHAT DO YOU DO???? RELAX!!!
    TAKE IT EASY! By the time he comes home today, keep dinner ready. As soon as he enters, grab him, pounce on him, hug him, kiss him and don't give him time to show his moody face to you.
    That is my secret when my dh is mad at me. IT WORKS!! So many times it turns out to hot passionate sex and then we cool down and really have a hearty laugh apologizing to each other.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2010
  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    thanks Bhuvnidhi.
    @Srividya! lol. Sometimes even I go through this movie situation. No escape!
    Actually he is still off from work. So, he will be home when I go. Lets see. I will try my best level to be normal. But as you know, its kind of difficult to be normal and keep talking while the other person is answering in mono-syllables.
     
  9. archana2008

    archana2008 Gold IL'ite

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    Relax! Have Fun! when you are in good mood everything around seems so good and positive.
    your DH must me having some issue at work or when it comes to games men become kids.
    so dont think too much. Donot observe so much how he talks and behaves.
    just go with the flow.
    You dont have to be extra nice to him or harsh
    just Be Happy :) Keep smiling.:thumbsup
     
  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    OK, so I went home yesterday. He seemed quite, he was trying to make conversation but not wholeheartedly. I took a lead and started saying so many things. He listened and nodded, smiled and shakes his head where appropriate.
    This morning was slightly better. Though not completely his usual self, at least he was trying.
     

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